Hot and bothered and nursery staff's 'help'. AIBU?

[newshoesonmonday]

..picked DS up from nursery tonight. Was greeted by a happy hugging little boy. He's three with a major independent streak going on. He likes to open doors for us himself, which can make things take longer admittedly. Tonight, juggling two bags, car keys, the lady on the door told me he couldn't do it, as the children might get out. I'm certain this isn't a set rule but appreciate the point. Unfortunately ds wasn't happy and had a major paddy.

I feel that there are a lot of staff at the nursery who tut tut at the mums in an I know best way, and I'm sure they have experience behind them as mums and staff.

Now we're home and he's calmed down I feel annoyed that (i) the door 'policy' was invented on the spot or certainly isn't adhered too most of the time at least (ii) I was v. aware of some staff watching (iii) I had a little boy in a sweater over his polo shirt (v warm here today!) v upset for no real reason. I was with him, he wasn't opening the door on his own and I've never seen children try to do it without parents.

in Particular I'm annoyed at the member of staff who walked over mid paddy, not having been there at the start, and said 'I wonder why he doesn't want to go home!'

I had to drive 4 miles with him upset, me hot and tired after a long day at work, and feeling that they just didn't help.

Don't get me wrong, I know children need boundaries, but this was an inner door from hall to corridor, with a second push door into playground, all enclosed, with staff guarding half shut gates onto street etc.

AIBU????

sorry point about sweatshirt was that he's a hot bod - they know that, we've chatted about it - so I really feel that didn't help today.

I know I'm tired but just so frustrated that I feel we were set up almost.

'Set up' is a bit OTT....??

But 'I wonder why he doesn't want to go home' is probably grounds for homicide when you are feeling tired :)

YANBU to feel annoyed with the nursery staff.
But, I have to say that I insist that only adults open doors and gates at the nursery where I work.
Not all the staff have this rule, but I find that the children in my care respond to it.

The comment about not wanting to go home was out of order. It may have been well intentioned but it shouldn't have been said. The staff shouldn't be tutting either.

Re: the door and policy it may be policy, it would make sense if it were and even if it's not adhered to 100% of the time the staff member in question wasn't wrong to stick to it then. It being an inner door makes no difference. If a child can open one door they may not understand why they can't open another, more important, door.

Our nursery have a very strict "adults only" policy when it comes to opening doors. Maybe someone nearly escaped earlier and they are now bending over backwards to enforce it?

The wondering why he doesn't want to come home would have infuriated me!

good point re doors - I'm supportive of nursery policies and hadn't occurred to me - I'm not fluffy in some ways but thought I was doing it right in letting him manage things himself.

I'm thinking at age 3 and independent, if he was hot he could have taken off his own sweatshirt?

Apart from that YANBU in essence, it seems unnecessary, though its not a bad lesson to learn generally, that sometimes you can't do things, have things, or just plain have to do it one way or the other, do as you are told, etc etc.

Letting him do things by himself is good, except when the boundaries between things he can't do and things he can are blurred IYSWIM? Like 'this door, but not that one' or 'under these circumstances but not under those'. There may be a logical reason but he may not be able to grasp it. Even if it's an innner door he won't always be allowed to open it and they can't take the chance that he will understand the difference. Besides your DS's capacity to understand and follow instructions won't be the same as another child so they have to work to the lowest common denominator.

Are there other ways you can support his independence (eg by carrying a bag) when he can't perform his preferred task?

The nursery I worked in also had a policy that allowed only adults to open the doors.

Yes opening doors can be a bit open ended. Some people's houses have easily opening doors, which left unlocked could see him out on the street.

It's better to just enforce the "don't open doors" as others here have said. I think they were just trying to reiterate the rules.

But the comment about why doesn't he want to go home is a bit cheeky - or possibly said without much thought, just trying to make conversation?

I have never worked at a nursery where children were allowed to open doors and at my sons nursery there is a swipe card system to prevent this !

Sorry but at my DDs nursery children are not allowed to open to doors either; even at home my daughter is not allowed to open doors either. They have both known this from toddlerdom so we have had no need for stairgates except at the top of the stairs

The 'hot' thing would annoy me more than the door issue tbh. My ds is a warm blooded boy too and gets very grumpy and over heated too, to the point he has huge nose bleeds. I would've been very cross about him being that warm.

I think you were tired OP and just needed to get home. Tomorrow's another day, and quietly mention that ds needs his jumper taking off it's warm again tomorrow.