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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed that I am jealous of MIL and DH?

24 replies

Skinit · 27/03/2011 22:49

Dh and his Mum have a good relationship...but when she comes to visit he seems to regress...turns needy and pathetic...whines about things he sees as unfair in his life but equally won't get on and make stuff happen for himself.

She''s ok my MIL...a bit of a PITA sometimes but loves my DC and is great with them...so am grateful for that as not all GPs are.

But DH has gone off with her this evening for a drink in the pub (she loves a drink) when he by his own admission needs to lay off the alcohol....ad he had not had one drink for 2 months till tonight...he turns into an idiot when he drinks...he went out to walk her back to her apartment right at the DC bedtime leaving me with one sick DC (she's 3 and has had D and V) and another with a ton of homework plus the baths....then he rang and said they were going for a drink!

Mil could have got a cab...it''s about 3 quid!

I let him know I wasn't pleased...when he rang but he said "She's not here for long and is going back to OZ in 4 days" which made me feel like some needy whiny bitch...

Theres no sign of him now and it's almost 11.00pm and he hasn't rang to see if DD is ok...I was going to ring and bollock hm....but what's the point? He can bugger off with MIL and some cosy little piss-up and that's fine I suppose. She obvoiusly enables him. But she coms once a year for 4 weeks...sometimes she comes twce a year and I am Angry about this behaviour.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 27/03/2011 22:57

Sorry don't know what D and V is? Probably being a bit fick.

Actually just going on what you've said, YABU. It's his mum. She lives in Australia, you've said yourself she's a pretty decent woman, he hasn't had a drink for 2 months. Give them a break.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/03/2011 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:02

It's a combination of things....her not supporting him in his uest to stop drinking, him just sinking into some fucking maternal wallow-y dream where he doesn't have any responsibilities and him not even ringing to see if DD is ok.

She banged her head pretty hard earlier, plus she's been ill for three days...thrown up etc....if it were me I would have notn gone out...bt I DO see thatin his case it was ok to go out...but why not ring??? Why just disconnect emotionally fr the evening>

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Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:03

D&V is diarrhea and vomiting.

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BeerTricksPotter · 27/03/2011 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:05

BeerTricks...he's been dependent on alcohol for as long as I have known him but not in a really bad way....just in a three or 4 a night way...actually that IS pretty bad isn't it? Every night?

It makes him moody and as he likes to be pretty fit, it also makes him porky...which he hates.

I have never told him to not drink....but having had him drinks free for 2 months I am now really pee'd off as he is easier to be around when he's not drinking and he achieves more.

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strandedpolarbear · 27/03/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:07

I agree.....they COULD have sat in her apartment but she would have cracked open the wine...her and FIL are both pissheads both drink too much and it seems to be a big part of their family.

When you go to their house for dinner they have lots of good wine available and do this whole shite thingn of discussing each bottle in a pseudo intellegent manner and then glug it like it's fanta.

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Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:08

Oh stranded I know....but why should I?? Honenstly? Why should I put up with it. Im more hurt that he never rang to see how DD was! How could he not!??

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FabbyChic · 27/03/2011 23:09

Are you jealous of their relationship? Have you told him he turns into a child who needs pandering too when she is there?

I agree that needing to drink 3/4 a night is a crutch and an alcohol problem. Hopefully he will drink in moderation and not come home too pissed, if he does tell him to kip on the sofa.

I don't think you should be begruding them the odd night out though.

I mean it is not her fault your husband has problems with drink.

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 23:11

Is he an alcoholic skinit?

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:12

I know Fabby...it's just that it's only with her he tends to do this....it's happened before....the whole regression thing...I have told him and he admits it and then does it again!

I dont mind them going out...I like having the TV to myelf! But WHY didn't he call to check on DD? Can anyone tell me this is ok? I don't like that he didn/t call! It worries me that he detaches to easily.

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Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:14

ENorma I don't know....is he? I've never met one before. He's not had treatment....I think he's like a lot of people who drink fairly regularly...maybe he will go a few days without...then a few days with....but this last 2 months was a conscious choice of his....no pushing from me...he decided he was to reliant on it and it was making him grumpy and bad tempered and lazy.

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SlightlyJaded · 27/03/2011 23:14

Ok I wasn't getting the importance of the drinking / versus not drink element (which is bizare as my DH is a very similar drinker to yours and we have two completely different relationships - one when he is drinking and another when he is not).

If this is a question about an alcohol dependent person being wrong to use his mother as an excuse to drink, then you are NU to be annoyed and disappointed. If you are asking if he is BU to be out with his mum even though your DD is unwell, I stand by my first response.

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 23:15

The regression thing makes me feel nauseous.

Do you think she is his excuse to go out drinking? Does he often look for excuses to nip to the boozer?

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:15

If it helps I don't' drink at all really...maybe one or two every few months...but that's it. I just get drunk very very easliy and have kind of grown out of it because f this. It's no fun to be paralytic after a few glasses of wine when you're 38 and having a meal with your pals.

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Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:17

SightlyJaded...what about his not calling at all to check on DD?

ENOrma...me too! BOAK! NO he doesn't lie...he will say "Oh I really fancied a drink and when I was shopping I looked at the bttles and nearly bought one" but he is honest if he does drink.

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Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:18

So what's the verdict on him not calling to see if DD is ok? Its really bugging me.

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PenguinArmy · 27/03/2011 23:20

If I was out I wouldn't ring to see how sick DD was doing. I'd trust DH to ring me if he needed me or if things got worse.

So there is some YABU and YANBU all mixed in there. I only focus on my former statement as you brought it up a few times.

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 23:20

It would bug me too.

Tbh I find a grown man going on the piss with his mum cringeworthy.

FabbyChic · 27/03/2011 23:23

It's rude and inconsiderate of him not to call, and selfish.

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:24

So do I Norma.

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SlightlyJaded · 27/03/2011 23:33

OK putting alcohol aside for the moment.

In your shoes I wouldn't be waiting for him to call and check on DD. I would be of the mind that it is one night before his mum goes back to Oz (and I agree that getting pissed with a parent is cringey) and that on that basis he had a pass. Having said that DH would phone in to check and there would be the unspoken understanding that if i called and said 'actually DD is really poorly, I can't cope' he would be straight home. But I wouldn't wield that unless I really meant it.

My whole view on this is guided by the fact that his mum lives on the other side of the world, is allegedly nice and should get a night with her son before she goes back.

Once she has gone, i think you need to address the drinking properly.

Original poster
Skinit · 27/03/2011 23:41

It's not one night before his Mum goes back...it's Friday she goes back and he's driving her to London nd spending the night there with her!

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