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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

well...am I? Go on...I can take it!

12 replies

AliBean · 27/03/2011 22:38

Background - My darling Hmm mother left my DSF 2 years ago and moved in with her lover.
She left her belongings (furniture, family heirlooms, photos, books etc) in the house she jointly owns with DSF and they agreed that he would pay her rent so he didn't have to refurnish (he hoped she would change her mind and go back...but also is relatively lazy and couldn't be bothered to replace everything).
Last Christmas (2010) DSF decides that he is ready to sell house, has new GF, ready to move on and tells DM that she won't be getting rent from when the house goes on the market. DP and I were murmuring about moving and DM pounced on this and suggested if we were to get a unfurnished (we rent) house we could have all the furniture and if there was room for all her boxes then that would be lovely(!). DM went on and on throughout January and Feb about us moving, hurry up! Etc etc until in Mid-Feb we found a great house (that works for us brilliantly) which has room for all her stuff and she has had over 6 weeks to make a plan to go and sort her stuff out.

We move next weekend with no fridge, table & chairs and DM thinks I am being "demanding, spoilt, unreasonable and childish" to want a date that she may be moving her stuff in.
I admit I would prefer the gorgeous pine farmhouse table and chairs that she proposed moving in than any old cheap t&c and that I have mentally furnished the new house incorporating the nice furniture that I was expecting so am a bit miffed that new house won't be the way i pictured for yonks, but I am so pissed off with my mum for moving the goal-posts and making out that I am being unreasonable to want to know when she is planning to bring her stuff down

We have 19 MO DS and need a table to eat at, draw/paint/playdough/do cooking etc so is kind of important... fridge is also a bit crucial!

Well I could justify my POV for ages but I know what I think...what do you reckon? AIBU?

OP posts:
Deliainthemaking · 27/03/2011 22:40

YANBU

youre mother should have more consideration for your needs. and be more organised

squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 22:40

Cant you offer to hire/borrow a van and go and get the stuff yourself?

Has your Stepfather actually moved out of his house yet or are you going to be taking it off him while he is still using it?

DaphneHeartsFred · 27/03/2011 22:41

YANBU

Tell your mum if she can't give you a date you'll have to get your own stuff and then there will be nowhere for her to keep her stuff.

A1980 · 27/03/2011 22:41

So you're getting nice free furniture but are pissed off that you wont have it straight away?!

YABVU

AgentZigzag · 27/03/2011 22:45

You're doing her a favour storing her stuff, but she's doing you a favour 'lending' it to you.

It's a bit cheeky of her though to start calling you names and putting you down when you've asked what is to me a reasonable question.

Any reason you can think of that she'd be shitty about it?

Of course a fridge and table aren't strictly necessary in order to live, but it's just added stress on top of the move.

How far away are her belongings?

Any chance of you getting them yourself?

FabbyChic · 27/03/2011 22:46

Considering your mother pressurised you with regards time scales, now seems not to be bothered when it is, she has taken the piss. When it suited her she chased you, now she is not bothered about it you can basically fuck off.

Thats how it comes across.

Tell her that if you have to replace the furniture you need there will not be any room to store hers.

Original poster
AliBean · 27/03/2011 23:07

squeakytoy - DSF is still in the house but has offered to pay for a van to bring us what we need. He is cool about it now and only offered to pay rent when she first left as he hoped she would come back and is very generous like that. He is more than happy and able to replace everything but my mum doesn't trust him to put all her stuff on a van so she wants to go herself!!
Distance is 350 miles so a bit of a trek - am still BF DS so would need a few days to go and not to be totally shite for DS (as he would have to come for 700 mile round trip!)
Agent Zigzag - no reason I can think of except she knows sheis being a bit shady and feels guilty!! She is jealous that DSF has offered to pay to send it all down and she is so full of ire that she can't just let him do it...
FabbyChic - yep. That about sums it up!
A1980 - ta...that's what DM thinks too...

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 23:24

She sounds self centred IMO

Yanbu, she is.

NimpyWindowmash · 27/03/2011 23:35

Um, I was going to say YABU, and if you want the stuff get it yourself, but seeing subsequent posts, I see your DSF would send it for you, which would be ideal, so your mum iBU to not let him do that.

trixie123 · 28/03/2011 08:37

all very odd. She wants you to have her stuff but only when it suits her? Why don't you just say to her that unless she can agree that it will be with you by x date then you will have no alternative but to go out and buy things and then you'll not have room for her stuff at all. Surely she can appreciate you need a table and fridge - hardly luxury items. Your DSF sounds lovely and very understanding by the way.

NinkyNonker · 28/03/2011 08:48

Get your own stuff, tell her you don't needs hers any more. Otherwise what if she wants it back one day? It is up to her to sort out her 'old life', at the moment she has just walked away from it.

NinkyNonker · 28/03/2011 08:48

And it wouldn't be too shitty a trip for a baby if you were to decide to do it.

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