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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for ideas as to how I can help my daughter?

13 replies

unsurevalentine · 27/03/2011 21:21

My DD is 11, she is a typical girl and falls out with friends etc quite a bit and seems to have a habit of getting into 3s with various controlling "ringleaders". She is a lovely girl though and to the best of my knowledge has never gone out of her way to be mean or vindictive to anyone. She is in yr 7.

A few months ago her and her friend (who I am not keen on as she is very obsessive and contolling but I want DD to choose her own friends and learn who are positive people to hang out with and who aren't) started a lunchtime club at school for the yr 4s and they arranged with one of the teachers to use a classroom etc.

I was quite proud of DD for having the iniative and she works out what activities shes going to do with the kids every weekand the club has been well attended (about 20 +) for a couple of months now.

Two other girls (one of them a DD of a close and recently bereaved friend of mine and out of school is really nice to my DD but in school is not Confused) have set up the exact same club at the exact same time and are bribing the other kids to go with sweets.

Have just been up to say goodnight to DD who was in floods of tears saying that last week only 4 people went to her club and the rest went to the other one.

I said I would ring the school tomorrow but I don't know if its going to look like I am interferring and if they would be able to do anything anyway (as it looks like a petty friendship issue or sour grapes on DD's part?).

Obviously I have told her I am proud of her and that the other girls are not playing fair and that is not the way to go about things but I wondered if anyone had any decent ideas as to how to tackle this.

I had seeing my DD so upset Sad

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 27/03/2011 21:28

It sounds odd that the school would let a duplicate club start up.
If the other club is bribing with sweets either they will run out of funds to do this constantly or maybe your daughter could come up with another enticement?
Probably not much help - sorry.

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/03/2011 21:31

I would go to the school about this. I'm shocked that they allowed duplicate clubs to start up. Also, what about all these sweets in school?

AuntiePickleBottom · 27/03/2011 21:32

the sweets will so run out, but in the meantime your dd has 4 good friends who will stick by her and don't need to be bribed to spend time with her

Cantgetmyarseoffthesofa · 27/03/2011 21:33

Not sure what to advise, but am pretty surprised that the school has let the other girls set up in competition to your DD. Do they know about it? I would probably have a quiet word with the teacher that is allowing your DD to use her classroom.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 27/03/2011 21:33

I know that's what I thought (about the sweets). I was trying to think of an enticement but kind of want to encourage her to be the better person.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 27/03/2011 21:34

And it's Middle School so I don't go in/know the teachers.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 27/03/2011 21:35

Id ask the school why they allowed another club offering the same was allowed to be set up when one was already in place.

Healthy competition is one thing but not competition where one side is offering bribes, I would ring the school and find out what the feck is going on.

pointydog · 27/03/2011 21:38

Your dd and her pals should raise it with the appropriate teacher.

Or buy more sweets.

Hassled · 27/03/2011 21:39

I agree re talking to the school - this is past the point of sorting this out through the girls, I think. The school will have MSAs (dinner ladies) - maybe one of them could get involved with a merged club or something.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 27/03/2011 21:45

I was thinking about ringing the school but wondered if I would seem a bit petty and neurotic....

OP posts:
Hassled · 27/03/2011 21:49

Not petty or neurotic at all. The school do have responsibility for the Y4s at lunchtime themselves - they should be dealing with this. Yr7 girls are notorious for falling out on a regular basis - the school could have predicted this.

LDNmummy · 27/03/2011 21:50

Why would the other girl do that? Bit wierd and overly competitive if they are friends, how close are they?

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 27/03/2011 22:21

They both have best mates who hate each other and are controlling but really quite insecure and probably jealous and anxious about the original friendship between mine and my friends DD Hmm

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