to ask you all for help?

[fartblossom]

First of all sorry, but this is a thread inspired by another.

Reading the thread about the sister and the state of the house struck a chord with me. The sister could be me (but maybe to not that extreme as it sounds - though as the person actually living in the house, who knows what it looks like to outsiders). In fact I have just been sat trying to eat my tea holding back the tears.

In 2005 I moved into my current council house. Its horrible, the last tenants got thrown out and they really made a mess of the house before they left (apparently quite common with council evictees). The council did the bare minimum to the house so it was a state when we moved in. We were moved from a council flat (temp accom) to our current house and had little time to move. We have never really got round to getting it nice.

We have managed to decorate the front room (not that you can tell now with the kids marking the walls and the cat scratching the border away), the kitchen, bathroom and the bedrooms. The hall, stairs and landing still need doing as does our 4th bedroom (currently not being used by anyone so is a crap room as me and DH call it)

We keep on top of the dishes, cook most meals (we do like to eat out though and due to me finishing work late on sats we have a takeaway night just for me and DH, but also have treats to maccy D's every so often), wipe down the kitchen sides and clean the room regularly. However thats it as far as regular cleaning. We do clean the bathroom and bedrooms, and the hall does get a hoovering, but not as often as they should.

We have a lot of areas that get ignored (down the back of the settees, the 4th bedroom, behind the TV to name a few) and this makes it still appear messy and dirty all the time.

I just dont know where to start or what to do. I want to live in a nice house where everything has its place and everything is in its place, but the only way I can see this happening is if I get hold of enough money (ie a lottery win) to buy a house then we can get it decorated and furniture etc placed before we move in so we can keep on top of it. Obviously this is VERY unlikely so I need to do something NOW, but where do I start?

I just want to go to some dark corner and cry about it now cos I just feel as though my life has just takes a big tumble and I dont know anyway out of it. DH doesnt seem that bothered (but MIL's house isnt exactly a clean haven either). So I am on my own.

I dont neglect my kids and they are clean with reglular baths/showers and clean clothes and well fed.

Any suggestions? Where do I start? How do I get DH to realise we cant live like this any more?

I am particularly interested in those couple of people who have been through it (there were 2 on the thread about the sister) to tell me how they did it. I just cant go on with this anymore, but dont know what to do.

I NEVER invite people round (this has scuppered many chances of friends I could have had) because Im far too embarrassed to let anyone know what I live in.

Please help. Thanks

start small, one corner, build up to one room, the whole thing may be overwhelmning but a tiny bit isnt.

Have you tried FlyLady? She focuses on "baby steps" and not trying to be a perfectionist. Some of her routines I find a little unrealistic but her message of "your house didn't get like this overnight so don't expect it to be fixed overnight" really helped me as did the 15 mins at a time motto. My house is far from perfect but at least I now feel I can invite people over.
Good luck! I know exactly how you feel!

Ps I also found her shiny sink video really inspiring!

Oooh I saw a link on the other thread to that, but was too busy reading the replies and forgot about it. Will have a look. Thanks

I was going to suggest flylady too. I am trying to get out of the habit of keeping things that 'might come in handy' because its so much harder to keep clean/tidy when you can't put your stuff away because the cupboards are full of crap I will never use. I do struggle with chucking stuff out but its getting easier.

fartblossom (great name) you sound nice and your house sounds pretty normal - you cook and clean and work and look after your kids and tbh it doesn't sound that bad: you say it always looks 'messy and dirty' - is that because you have lots of clutter? It might be you have a storage problem more than a cleaning problem iyswim. You say you've decorated everywhere except hall, stairs landing and the 4th bedroom. That sounds like pretty good going to me!

declittering? Ouch

Wineclub - yes completely agree about not keeping stuff just in case. I have freed up masses of storage space by getting rid of stuff and am now a devotee of freegle. Have got rid of masses of stuff on it......... Highly addictive!

Fartblossom, you sound like me a few weeks ago. I let my house get in a terrible state, I was really appalled by it. I have 2 wonderful DC who are my world and I feel awful that I was letting them live like that. Like you, I kept up with the dishes and the laundry but everywhere is cluttered/untidy/messy and I was forever going round in circles.

Now I flylady. Every day I wipe the bathroom and downstairs loo, fill the dishwasher, wipe the sides and stick some laundry in. Then I pick a big job to tackle and do the 15 min crisis clean. Set a timer for 15 mins and grab 2 boxes and a binbag - keep, give away, bin. When the timer goes off, reset it to 15 mins and take the box to keep and sort it out. Give everything a home, and put it away. When the timer goes off again, reset for 15 mins and grab a coffee and just sit - watch TV, read a book, whatever. Then go again from the start. Its amazing how much you can get done!

Please don't beat yourself up about it, whats gone has gone. And don't worry that its not all getting done in a day - it didn't get messed up in a day, its taken a while, so it will take a while to sort out. I promise you, it isn't unmanageable

I am naturally a very messy person. I found after DS was born we started getting unexpected visitors so needed to sort myself out. for the last 2 years I have tidied 5 things every time i go into a different room. Dont think of the bigger picture as its too daunting at this stage. in a couple of weeks the mess will all be tidy.

I now do 15 mins cleaning a day rather than one big clean and manage to keep on top of things this way.

Thanks for the advice, it has been great. I am liking flylady a lot and I am going to do it and stick to it. Dont know what DH will think if I get my shoes on every morning or clean the sink every night before bed, but I will from tonight.

I am feeling a lot more positive now and yes it is a decluttering thats needed and yes I am going to have to be harsh, not just to me, but also DH as he is a hoarder (more so than me)

Thanks again I will have a clean house and will get out of CHAOS!!!!!

I totally sympathise. It is really demotivating living in a cluttered house as it's impossible to know where to start.

I really think from experience that decluttering (but PMSL at declittering, ouch indeed!) is the first step. I was recently motivated by an NCT sale, so I went through some random crap. Didn't sell a vast amount but it spurred me on, especially with the DCs clothes which have just been stuffed in bags when they've got too small - they are now sorted into gender/size and the ones that aren't good enough to sell have been taken to the clothing bank.

You have to be really brutal. It's hard work but wow it feels good to get a bit more space!

You could keep going by using this as a support thread btw :) good luck and hopefully I'll be getting sorted with you too!

Its lovely to have a nice, clean, tidy house but the most important things are as you said that your kids are clean, clean clothes and well fed and your kids don't don't sound in any kind of danger. You sound like a good person and I thik you need a hug :(

Its really hard to get motivated when things pile up, like the others said start small.

Right. I have joined flylady and am getting quite excited at the prospect of really having a clean and tidy house. Ive made a shopping list of the couple of things I need to get started.

Some cleaning products as we dont have everything we need, a notebook and a new toothbrush (so I can use my current one for cleaning). I figure that these things I will be buying I will need as time goes on anyway.

Tomorrow I am going to shine my sink :)

One of my FB friends was saying the other day about how good the weather has been as its made her clean her (already perfect) house as she has OCD. Id rather have cleanliness OCD than live like I do.

I can do this and I will.