To be a little cross with dh?

[walesblackbird]

We have three children - he's taken our two sons on our eldest's rugby tour this weekend. I'm at home with our daughter.

Other than taking the boys to his mother's, (twice ever and they're now 9 and 7) where he gets a lot of help, this is the first time he's had to manage both boys by himself. DH works away from home for much of the week so I'm used to managing the three by myself.

I bought everything they needed for trip, including all their fancy dress costumes, dh's included. I packed everything.

I spoke to him yesterday. He'd managed to lose our youngest (ADHD) son as he'd run off and had a strop. I stayed calm because I know how tricky middly can be to manage. And he found him safe (ish).

I reminded him that the clocks go forward. I reminded him to set his alarm. I reminded him that rugby starts at 10 and so he has to get himself and the children up and ready to be there for 10. I reminded him to give middly his pill.

I texted him at 8.30 (new time) this morning. No reply. I texted him again at 9. I rang his mobile twice. No answer.

Eventually he called back at 9.45 and was in a right old tizz. Boys both still asleep. He'd not bothered to set the alarm and so they were all going to be late.

Given middly's problems he needs a good 40 minutes for his medication to kick in. Until it does he's very oppositional and hard to handle. DH knows this. So now he's stressed, the boys are going to be stressed and middly's going to be a nightmare to get ready and out.

Why could he not just have been responsible? He's the parent for god's sake. Just once he had to get himself sorted. He's so used to not having to think about doing anything for the children (I'm a SAHM) and just so used to only ever having to think about getting himself ready that he couldn't just get himself sorted and be a responsible adult.

Now they're going to be late. Bigly's going to be upset. Middly's going to be chaotic and dh will be shouting - and making it all worse.

And just because he couldn't be arsed to set the bloody alarm clock for a sensible time.

I wouldnt be cross, it will give him a taste of what you probably deal with on a day to day basis and make him appreciate you a lot more.

Enjoy your peace with your daughter. :)

Yanbu

Time your husband experienced the kind of stuff you have to deal with day in day out. He has too much done for him and if he was on Supernanny with Jo Frost this is exactly what he would be made to deal with.

I know its not ideal for the boys , and as a mum you dont like to see them upset, but a valuable learning exp for husband. The boys wont suffer psychologically . Hopefully they will berate their father for his incompetence and being late etc. Your husband, by the sound of it needs a good kick up the pants. They are his sons and it is time he took the responsiblity and the stress of child raising for a change. He sound very irresponsible and still a little boy himself. Make it clear to him, that this the work do very weekday with school runs etc. Dont do so much for him, you are not his mother, you are his wife. Its should be an adult/adult relationship not adult/child one.
You need to leave him with his children more and go off for the day to give yourself some "ME" time. They are big enough to tell Dad when they are hungry, thirsty, tired etc.
Dont blame you for being cross, I would be fuming. My Ex has my son 10yrs every weekend and Ex is irresponsible giving son late nights, trips to the pub, and gets him doing hair raising things that I wouldnt.... like on a ski trip, aged 7yrs he let DS go paragliding.. . He never reminds DS to brush teeth, so DS doesnt etc, or wash...ggrrhh !! I can empathise fully your plight.
Your h needs a good talking with on return. Hope your boys are ok anyway and had a nice trip. (??)

Well, it's his own fault, innit? So let him deal with it.

He knew what he needed to do and didn't do it.

Turn the ringer off on your mobile and take your daughter out for a treat.

I would start doing this more often

Chill. Enjoy.

Let him deal with the fall out.

He is their father. Let him do it his way but don't phone, text, remind, just let him pick himself out of the mess he falls into

OMG how many X-posts

I would be expecting him to come ho
e and say how much he appricates everything youdp.

Well it is a rugby weekend, so when they return odds are they will have had a marvellous time.
Any problems will be forgotten by the boys, perhaps its best you say nothing and just leave them to it.
Any post event advice will ignored, disregarded, even mocked.

Boys will be boys.

I don't think you need to be annoyed (other than the temporary loss of one DS!), what he's dealing with now because of his mistake is more than enough punishment!

He's made his bed, he's now lying in it. Don't stress on it, just enjoy a chilled day. :)

I'd be annoyed, very annoyed.
Its all well and good saying let him deal with the fall out and its hid own fault, but when the fall out is your DCs being unhappy and stressed then thats not fair on them being used as a lesson to teach DH a bit of responsibility!

Thank you all! Well DD and me have had a fab day. We've been shopping and she's now the proud owner of lots of new summer clothes. We had lunch together and have only just got home. There's no food cooked and nothing ready for school tomorrow. Am about to have a cuppa and just sit down and wait for my boys to come home.

I think he knows he screwed up - he sounded very sheepish when I spoke him this morning. I'm sure the boys had a good time anyway and DS1's team won! So hopefully all happy and knackered.

I know I am after trudging around the shops for hours with a very picky 5 year old

why are you fussing so much

sod them, let them sink or swim

Hopefully when he's got home he'll be much more appreciative of what you have to deal with on a daily basis.

Get him to unpack and do the all the washing. (If he's anything like my husband whose an engineering graduate, he wont have a clue how to operate a washing machine!!)

Do this more often.

And breathe!!!

Aaargh stressful! Agree it's best to leave them to it! Am I right in thinking he's only this useless because you let him get away with it? Stop letting him. I agree with PP who said let him sink or swim by himself! :)

Calm is restored. And I have a present! A rather nice set of Myla lingerie . Strongly suspect that's more for his pleasure than mine but hey ho!! I'll accept it in the spirit it was meant.

And encourage him to do more with his boys, particularly.