To think I should have been invited?

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My Dad and his long term partner of 20 years got married today. I am delighted for them, she is a lovely lady and I am very fond of her.
They got married with just two witnesses, her best friends.
I really wish that my dd and I in particular could have been there to see and celebrate with them and feel quite sad that we were not invited. My Dad only has my brother and I, no other family and db does not get on at all with his new wife.
So what do you think, aibu?

Well to be honest perhaps they didn't want to invite your brother incase he accepted and therefore felt they couldn't invite you?

Or perhaps after 20yrs it was just a total formality.

Their wedding, their choice.

Yes

I got married and did not invite my sister, I didn't even tell her I was getting married, nor my dad.

It was something that was private, I got on really well with my sister at the time too. My children were not even there.

The fact is weddings are changing from celebrations including families to the demands of the couple.

But in all seriousness if my parent got married without me I would be gutted too.

My dad got remarried and didn't ask me to go, I personally didn't mind as I would have found it a bit difficult, even though I like his new wife. If they only had two other people there as witnesses I don't expect it was too personal, they just didn't want to cause family difficulties and chose perhaps a cowardly way out! But I can understand why you are upset.

Like worra says, it looks like it was just a formality.

They must have known it might upset family members, but chose to go ahead because they felt so strongly about keeping it so small.

I wouldn't take it personally OP, if they're happy, be happy for them

There are plenty of threads on here where people want to get married and not invite any family, and just have two witnesses and no fuss.

I would send them a card maybe saying congratulations, and just let them know you are pleased for them.

The fact is weddings are changing from celebrations including families to the demands of the couple.

They have only been big and extravagant family things in the last few
Decades.

All my grandparents had very small private weddings with a few close family members only present.

They might be worried about everyones reactions and be glad of a friendly face if you do contact them to say congrats?

I know I am being a bit unreasonable. I am so pleased for them.
In some ways though I would'nt feel as bad if the witnesses had been to strangers off the street instead of her bfriends.
I have a brilliant relationship with both of them so maybe I am throwing my toys a bit :)

I've already seen them and told them how delighted we are for them, see them most days and are v close to both of them.

Not u to be a bit peeved but not important. It must be lovely for your dad and his dp to know you get on. I bet they agonised about whether they would offend you. Could you have a separate celebration, with dd involved?

You know you could suggest taking them out for a post-wedding celebratory meal with just you and DD. Or cooking for them at your house? Then you're showing them how happy you and and sharing in the event (sort of).

Does your dad's new wife perhaps have family who might not be happy about the wedding/might be stressful to have there? It's possible they felt they had to say 'no family' in order to avoid the sort of horrible chain-reaction-of-crap some people post about - you know, when there's brother A who must be invited but will look sour as fuck, brother B who can't be invited if brother A isn't, etc etc.

I can totally understand why you're upset but it may be family pressures rather than anything else.

I do feel for you. I think weddings are about family personally and so I can understand you feel upset. BUT I suspect it was because they didn't want to invite db that they didn't invite you

I am a great believer in talking things through to avoid gaining a grudge - why don't you tell your dad how you feel?

YANBU

DH and I got married and didn't invite any family, at all. 20 of our closest friends, that's it. They're older and perhaps didn't really see the point.

DH and I were invited to a friend's wedding to witness and quite frankly, I was surprised it was us, just us, TBH. Their parents came to the reception after, with hordes of other friends and family, but not the ceremony.

YANBU - you are your Dad's only daughter, I think it's very hurtful not to be invited. Whether he and your brother get on or not shouldn't affect whether he invited you or not - as you say, you see them daily, your brother doesn't.

I also agree - it would have been less hurtful if they hadn't invited the friends and just had a couple of witnessess off of the street.

If I were you I would tell your Dad that although you are really happy for them, that you are also hurt not to have been invited and ask him why he didn't invite you. I think otherwise it will fester.

I am not surprised you are a bit hurt but yuo cannot expect invitations to everything. Chances are, from what you've said, that your step-mum couldn't face the thought of your brother being there and your Dad didn't want to invite you but not him, so sadly you missed out.

One of my cousins got married without any family there - she and her best friend, with their respective partners, went for a weekend away to Scarborough and both got married, being each others' witnesses. My aunt wasn't best pleased (but it saved her a lot of money so she wasn't too unhappy) but that's just the way some people prefer it.

I would feel a bit excluded too, so YABU. But, it's done now so you can't let it interfere with your relationship with them. I agree with the suggestion made by a couple of others that you should invite them out for a celebratory meal.

opps I mean YANBU! Doh!