I have 4 month old twin DS's and a 3 year old DD.
I just came back from visiting a friends/ex work colleagues house today. She has 3 boys, aged 10, 7 and 4 and she was also minding her little 2 year old nephew. My DD, who's 3 and half (will be 4 in Oct) was in creche with the 4 year old so they always got on quite well. But today, my DD was really bossy and was fighting, pulling toys off the boys and started hitting the 2 and 4 year old, who both ended up crying. When I and friend went to intervene, she shouting and hit out at me. I was so angry and also embarrassed, and went straight home, and gave suitable punishment when we got home (time out in room, no bedtime story tonight, took away her favourite doll).
She has always been quite a pleasant child, chatty and easy to mind, esp when she was in other people's houses (when I was in hospital for the week when twins were born, my sister, who as 3 children, took her and said she was a 'model' child, went to bed no prob and mucked in and played with her cousins, etc) But since the twins were born, her behaviour has gone down hill totally.
even when i try to discipline her, she can get very feisty with me and doesn't seem to care. she can be quite manipulative at times. My mother thinks it's quite clever that she can do this for her age and always says it's good 'she can stand up for herself' but i would much prefer if she could just get on with friends and cousins. am worried that she will not get on in social groups.
it worries me that she can turn the punishment around and say things like 'well, x child made me angry' or 'you were a bit cranky today mammy, that's the problem'. she always has an excuse and never really feels like she's in the wrong. it's this aspect of her personality that worries me. in fairness, today she was tired as didn't sleep that well last night but is often like this anyway.
when in friends or cousins houses, she can be difficult, fighting and not sharing, or shy and quiet and not talking to anyone. It's like she's massively frustrated. i'm not saying it's without reason, as sometimes the other child/children could not share with her. it's like she feels a real sense of injustice and will fight with anyone if she's in the wrong. She's in a montessori, and they said she is doing well there, and loves it, may as things are more structured, etc and it's her 'thing' outside the twins.
i know it's not rocket science in that she is looking for more attention, but generally (apart from early weeks when twins first came home) she is good for me at home. I know I've prob let standards around rules and behaviour drop a bit as tired, etc with twins. I also know that I've been less patient and have lost it a bit when she is naughty. Basically, the house is a bit more stressful and fraught since the twins came. My husband got a promotion at work and is around less which means I'm doing fair share of childcare. When he is around, we've tried to remain positive but things can be a bit fraught.
now that twins in more routine, am going to be better and looking into working on her behaviour. have shed a good few tears over this as feel i've failed, or failed her, by not giving her better guidance. don't get me wrong, am aware of her needs for attention, so maybe that's the prob, have given into her more, hence rules slipping a bit around house, etc.
love to hear any advice, strategies.