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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this schoolfriend is wrong?

24 replies

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:29

Last night I was at a church sale....An old schoolfriend was there,who although I dont see a lot of we say hi via facebook.

Her dc was also there and was being a bit silly,He was kicking a ball quite forcefully at the interior of the church.

She did tell him not to but he continued as children do ....so one of the elderly ladies took the ball from him,obviously he became upset about this and his Mum just walked out and left him,I spoke to him and said I will come with you and get the ball but no more ball in church ok ....he reluctantly came with me to the lady (shed heard me speak to him anyway) and I said he is sorry can he have his ball please,she gave the ball over to me and we walked out of the hall - I took him to his Mum and just said see ya later-and he said bye to me.

As I went back in the hall the women were v quiet I simply said I know his Mum I went to school with her and carried on browsing (they were clearly up for gossip) as one said to me 'you handled that well'(i didnt reply just smiled).

Anyway today I went on FB and went to say hi so she knew I was 'on her side' - shes blocked me .

OP posts:

colditz · 26/03/2011 11:32

She's a twat then.

poorbuthappy · 26/03/2011 11:33

what colditz said.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 26/03/2011 11:33

What Colditz said.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 26/03/2011 11:33

Snap!

FabbyChic · 26/03/2011 11:33

She is an idiot then. Better off without her on your FB.

Animation · 26/03/2011 11:33

That's a bit aggressive of her.

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 11:34

I think you 'handled it well' too...apart from the fact you apologised for the child instead of encouraging him to do it.

But in all honesty, this Mum (same as all Mums) had her own way of dealing with him and I'm afraid you stood right on her toes.

Especially as you're not even close friends.

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:36

She was outside having a cig ....the child was crying and shouting.

I didnt do it to 'step on her toeas' he was getting v upset and it was later in the evening and the women were beginning to comment.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 11:39

I know you didn't do it for that reason..but I'm afraid you've stepped on them anyway.

Perhaps she's the type of parent who doesn't care about other people's comments? You know like if a toddler has a full blown tantrum in the supermarket..some parents have the ability to block all the tuts and comments and do what they think is best.

brass · 26/03/2011 11:39

that's what I don't understand. Why did you get involved at all? It was up to the mum to deal with it. You ended up looking like a busy body in front of the other women as well.

But blocking you is a bit of an extreme reaction. There's got to be more to the story.

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:41

I think Brass you are right..

I felt sad they were tutting and critical of him and her and all he wanted was his ball back .....

I think if id have ignored him (he was stood right at the side of me) he would have carried on.

There isnt any more to it as regards me and her on fb.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 11:42

Also I'm thinking if she only popped outside for a fag...you must have jumped straight in and got the ball back immediately.

Perhaps she thought it served him right to do without his ball for a little while, and then she'd sort it after the 3 or 4 minutes it takes to smoke her fag?

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:44

No now see im drip feeding she had been gone a while and it was a very upset child too ....(not such a little child about 9).

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 11:46

How long was she gone?

GypsyMoth · 26/03/2011 11:47

how do you know if someone has blocked you on fb then?

i think you diffused it well enough for someone who you barely know anymore,not as if you owe her anything.

JJ · 26/03/2011 11:48

Actually, you completely undermined her, I think. She was dealing with it in her way by ignoring the tantrum and you gave in and got the child what he wanted.

I block people on Facebook all the time, have to admit. Mainly people whose posts/comments I don't want to see rather than I'm hiding myself from. I also block people who I would rather not contact me. It's not a big deal to me but I'm not easy to offend on Facebook stuff as I don't take it all that seriously.

cornsilk678 · 26/03/2011 11:52

how did she know what you did though? She could just as well have assumed that the lady gave him the ball back unless she was told that you intervened. Perhaps one of the onlookers was gossipping about you.

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:52

Worra it wouldnt be fair of me to guess but long enough for him to start and then people to start commenting and tutting - he was the only child there and there were lots of older ladies there.

Well with regards to the fb thing initially I only had a few v close friends on there but as I dont post anything secretive (been burnt there ) I have added old schoolfriends or accepted their requests and yesterday there was a comment from her early in the day (not a unpleasant one) so I knew she was there.

Tis no big deal i should have done what my mum always said [said] 'snout out'.

OP posts:

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:53

Corny dont get me paranoid .

No its the older ladies from the church I know them quite well and they were being a bit sniffy before.

OP posts:

cornsilk678 · 26/03/2011 11:56

worraliberty · 26/03/2011 11:57

Well to be honest she should have taken the ball from him herself the minute he decided to disobey her...but since she didn't and someone else did then good on them.

The boy's not a baby (despite acting like one) he is nine years old. He acted like a brat and got what he wanted from you because his Mum was having none of it.

Not only that, he didn't even have to apologise for kicking his ball in a church when his Mum had told him not to.

Sorry but I think you're Mum is right in this case...snout out

LDNmummy · 26/03/2011 13:02

She was embarrassed because you handled the situation well and she didn't, so people were happy with you and tutting at her.

She is being defensive. Don't worry about it, its not a big deal. People like that are better off not being your problem.

poorbuthappy · 26/03/2011 13:15

let me see if this is right:

9 year old is playing football inside a church with older people about.
Mum tells him to stop, he ignores her...
Older lady takes football off him and he obviously strops and starts to get upset.
Mum goes outside for a fag whilst he's upset.
OP calms down the child, gets the ball back and explains that he musnt' play inside.

have I missed something out?

Original poster

nickschick · 26/03/2011 14:22

No poorbuthappy thats how it went ....dont say it 'snout out'.

OP posts:

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