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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that FIL keeps coming to stay saying he wants to see his grandson, but instead spends the entire time in front of sky sport

45 replies

tholeon · 26/03/2011 09:30

it is on at the moment, he just takes charge of the remote control and sits there in front of the tv, all the time. Expecting full hotel services. And not playing with his grandson. I am getting cross.

OP posts:

MrsBloomingTroll · 26/03/2011 12:46

My Dad's the same, sits in front of TV/computer/newspaper almost all the time he's here, expecting cups of tea and so on brought to him.

Luckily he comes with my Mum and she is really the one who enjoys playing with DD, so I do still get a bit of respite!

MillsAndDoom · 26/03/2011 12:52

YANBU - its very rude

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 26/03/2011 13:39

Hand the toddler to the menfolk, tell them the washing up is waiting for them, bid them a fond but brisk farewell, and go out on your own.

Your dh and FIL are, or should be, perfectly capable of minding one toddler - and if it interferes with their sports viewing - oh dear how sad what a pity never mind!

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 26/03/2011 13:40

Well FIL is supposed to be bonding with his DGS by watching sport with him SDTG

PorkChopSter · 26/03/2011 13:47

Your DS is 21 months old, you say? Oops, did the sky card end up in his hand? Is that him toddling off to hide it somewhere? What's that son, you want to play hide and seek with Grandpa?

Or just post the skycard in the DVD player & blame DS

2rebecca · 26/03/2011 16:15

Agree with leaving them to mind him. He can demand full hotel service all he wants, doesn't mean you have to provide it. Make your husband deal with his demands, he'll probably just get his dad to muck in.
Decide what you want to do with your weekend and stick to it. Visitors only become a burdan if you pander to them and be a martyr.

lilyliz · 26/03/2011 16:24

my dad used to do this to,he would turn up at 9pm on a Monday nightsit as I thought for an hour and go away,it was my son who twigged he was here to watch Hill Street Blues and when that finished St Elsewhere.We just put the kettle on for him and had a giggle about it.

Original poster

tholeon · 26/03/2011 19:43

thanks guys, we (DH, DS & I) had plans anyway in the afternoon with other people so went out and left him to the remote, so feel better about it now we've been away for a bit. It is the whole turning up at our house and taking charge of the remote thing that I find annoying. I wouldn't mind the odd match. But it is all day. We have the curling, the bowls, the women's rugby... on the odd occasion he turns over to the news, but mainly it is the sport. And yet he keeps saying he is coming because he wants to see DS. I think it is in part a generational thing. But I'd like to see how he would react if I went to his house, sat down on the sofa all day, and watched back to back sky movies..

(though perhaps I should try...)

OP posts:

zipzap · 26/03/2011 23:11

what would happen if you just walked in and told them that they had been watching sport for long enough and it was your turn to watch your anything is better than sport favourite programme? or gave your FIL advance warning when he arrived that it is a good thing he is here to see his gs as today you are the one that is watching a particular programme? Particularly if he is with you so early and already watching sport. ?did he come over specifically to watch it do you think?

Would they actually tell you to bugger off if they were watching the sport and you came over and said your turn or if you just said you were off and they were to look after your ds?

Does anybody else notice that lots of women non sporty people (OK vast generalisation here I know) see that vast tranches of tv time is taken up by 'sport' whereas lots of men sporty people don't because they distinguish between all the different sports. As in, I'll groan when I look at the tv sometimes because it just seems that there is nothing but sport on - whereas dh will say that there is lots of choice because there is football or rugby or horse racing or athletics or cycling etc. I guess he sometimes reckons there is nothing on because he classes lots of normal tv as non-sport rubbish boring stuff so most films/documentaries/comedy/etc he would view in the same way I view sports...

Saucepanman · 27/03/2011 00:37

OP are you me?! My FIL does this, sky sports or the hallmark channel . Will also turn the TV over if the children are watching anything as we are talking. I turn it back

Saucepanman · 27/03/2011 00:40

whoops too quick to post, meant to add FIL and his brother (dc's great uncle) also don't play with the dc, unless it is to make them hysterically giddy for 2 mins by tickling them, then losing interest leaving me with shrieking-and now bored- children. If we are going anywhere like the local park they say "oh no we won't come". I insist They are retired, live an hour away and we rarely see them, so I think they should make the effort. We'll not get into the whole IL saga, I could go on for days, but the dc worship them despite all this.

skybluepearl · 27/03/2011 08:52

maybe you could be watching the shopping channel when he arrives next time? x

Cat98 · 27/03/2011 09:09

I'm torn on this one tbh, if it is a big game then yabu, but if it is just any random match then yanbu. The person who said 'go out and have some one on one time with your ds' - well if the op works full time then great, but if not she probably gets that all week - weekends are family time! I'd be a bit miffed with dh, unless it was one particular match they wanted to watch. However, the people who said go over and say it's your turn for the tv - wait till the match has finished first!!

2rebecca · 27/03/2011 09:10

I don't have any relative who does this with the remote and suspect I'd tell them I'd had enough sport on the TV and if they just wanted to watch TV all day they should have stayed at home.
Is he about 80 and housebound or something? Sounds like my grandparents generation rather than my parents, and I'm in my 40s.
We just have freeview though so our TV isn't worth a special trip for sport liking relatives.

Original poster

tholeon · 27/03/2011 09:22

he's 70 odd. He lives a long distance away, so has to stay over when he comes. He is very fond of DS, just doesn't know what to do with him. But when DS brought him over a book the other day he said something along the lines of 'no, give that to Mummy...' which did make me annoyed.

Yep, am SAHM, so don't need more one to one time with DS! If DH is around he is good at cooking etc but he is at work all week so if FIL is here then have to cook for him plus look after DS..would just be nice if he could play with DS while I tidied up the kitchen or whatever! To be fair he did take us both out for a pizza when last here though. But I think like I said I need to excuse him a bit on grounds of age - I think he comes from a bit of a pre feminist Man as God perspective on things...

OP posts:

Anomaly · 27/03/2011 09:23

If your plan for the day is to watch sport you wouldn't choose to do it where there is a toddler around so it sounds like he's not allowed the tv on at home. I would hate it and would have no problem saying that's enough sport! If he's just using seeing his grandson as an excuse to come round then YANBU and he's being very rude. Especially if you are then expected to run your lives around his 'seeing his grandson'.

ledkr · 27/03/2011 09:26

i think the point is he comes under the guise of "seeing his gs" and then watches tv all day,that would annoy me more than if he just said "is it ok to pop round and watch the cricket today?"
It is amazing how sport/men are often prioritised for sport eg during the world cup it was fine for the guys at work to stop and watch the matches (not just england either) i love the footy but it was just expected i didnt sit and watch it,i thought i bet if i strolled into work and said ooooo its the x factor final today and just sat on my arse it would be different having said that op you are not tough enough,.my pils were here yesterday i took the opportunity to spend some time with dd1 whilst they fussed over 7wk old dd2 and then in the evening said id been looking forward to the dancing show and did they want to come and watch it with me,they did lol.

Indaba · 27/03/2011 21:29

Some old people often spend a lot of time in front of the TV. Its nothing to do with you or your family. Its how it is. Maybe he justs wants to be "around" his family.

We live overseas so people spend thousands of pounds to visit us, then just in sit in front of telly. I used to get annoyed. Have just learnt we are all different.

idlingabout · 28/03/2011 12:54

YANBU However, I would leave them to look after the toddler and would certainly not be waiting on them hand and foot.
As an aside, if the FIL wasnt there would either you or you dh watch so much sport? Do you need Sky Sports? A year ago we realised that we hardly ever watched Sky sports ( too busy) and we had only got it in the first place for the rugby. We realsised that the bulk of the money goes on football, a sport we both detest. We too used to get fed up when visiting family ( on both sides) would just stick on football the minute they arrived. We derived much pleasure from the look on their faces when they first realised that we had cancelled sky<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"> One relative even asked how do you watch the football then? and looked totally bewildered when we said as we didnt like football, it wasn`t a problem.

eitherwhichway · 28/03/2011 14:12

YANBU. My fil is exactly the same- says he's coming to see the dc but he's bored after 10 mins and heaven forbid anything get in the way of his routine (like the dc's routines).
Could have also written the bit about being waited on hand and foot too (he said to me "oh, I've put the kettle on for you" meaning "i want a cuppa" whilst I was struggling with 4 wk dts and 18 month dd1).
Dp has since stated that he cannot come without step mil again as she buffers his behaviour and can chivvy him along in ways we can't! She also adores the dc so is more than happy to play their little games and distract them or will help me around the house/in the kitchen.

But I would hate to write it off as a generational thing as he is only in his 50's whereas my grandfather is in his 70's and plays for hours on the floor with the dcs, offering to make the coffee if I'm tied up etc. He might ask to put tv on, but only to check scores then it's back off.

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