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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to object to DH's suggestion that we should help look after our nephews this weekend?

22 replies

monkeymiss · 25/03/2011 21:01

DH was on the phone to his parents earlier and turns out they are looking after our nephews on Sunday. DH suggests that we could help his parents out by having them over and doing a meal. Now,we have no other plans but AIBU to think - why should I? We have two DC of our own (2.11 and 6m) and to be honest I'm tired. I'm happy to make the effort to host family and I do frequently, but I don't feel it's my place to help here really.

TBH underlying my reaction are two issues: firstly that my PIL rarely offer to help out with my DC; and secondly that DH does little round the house.

How would you react?

OP posts:

Checkmate · 25/03/2011 21:02

Make him a kind offer. Namely, that he can take your 2 out to PILs to play with their cousins there. Or if PILs won't host that, take the four of them to the park.

YANBU

TattyDevine · 25/03/2011 21:02

On the basis particularly of your second point, I dont think YABU. If your DH wants to host his parents and nephews, fine, regardless of whether they help, but if he expects you to do more than your fair share he can hang.

FlorenceCalamityandJoanofArc · 25/03/2011 21:03

I'd go out and leave them all to it. He invited his family, he can look after them as well as his children. No bother.

oranges · 25/03/2011 21:03

yanbu - do they need helping out? if not, it seems your dh is actually planning to create more work for everyone.

thinkingkindly · 25/03/2011 21:03

Suggest you all go out for a picnic instead. That will help with your two year old, and save you the trouble of doing a meal (which I would expect DH to do in the circs).

CravingExcitement · 25/03/2011 21:03

Tell him you don't mind, but you will be going out on your own if that's what he decides to do. See how keen he is then.

Dozer · 25/03/2011 21:04

Yanbu

thisisyesterday · 25/03/2011 21:04

i would think it was a lovely idea.

why not?

atthecarwash · 25/03/2011 21:04

Sounds like you're upset because your ILs never help you and neither does your DH

Tell him fine, you'll invite them over but he has to either cook or get a takeaway. see what he says. or he could take out your kids all morning to leave you time to cook. That way you'll have the house to yourself for a few hours

alarkaspree · 25/03/2011 21:05

So if you say 'oh I'd rather not, I feel tired and I'm sure your parents can cope for one day' - what will your DH say?

Or you could say 'well I'd rather not but if you really want to you can cook.'

I don't think you're unreasonable unless your PILs are likely to struggle with your nephews. They took on the responsibility voluntarily I assume, and it is just one day. If they are elderly or infirm and are having your nephews because your BIL and SIL have to go to a funeral or hospital appointment or similar, then YABalittleU.

squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 21:05

Maybe he wants to spend some time with his nephews, and they can enjoy playing with their cousins :)

GotArt · 25/03/2011 21:06

YANBU.

Get him to take the kids over there and pop the cork on some wine.

Laquitar · 25/03/2011 21:11

Only if his parents are old or ill and cant cope.

Otherwise i wouldn't because it is confusing about who is responsible for the children. I wouldn't mind looking after the nephews if there was a need and be in charge with full responsibility. But 'too many chefs in the kitchen....'...

Original poster

monkeymiss · 25/03/2011 21:13

Thanks. I'm feeling better by the general consensus that IANBU. Ooh popping the cork on some wine - I wish! DD2 too young for me to do that or even have any child-free time yet. PIL shouldn't struggle with nephews (8, 6 and 3). It would be nice to see them all mind. I should stress that I do get on very well with my PIL and that DD1 loves seeing her cousins! I think when DH gets back (out second night in a row, probably another reason I am a bit cross) I will use some of your helpful suggestions :)

OP posts:

orienteerer · 25/03/2011 21:14

Live and let live......let them all play together and make it a family affair.

PaisleyLeaf · 25/03/2011 21:15

Watch you don't get into a vicious circle of 'they don't help us we won't help them'.
Might they help you more if you help them out do you think?

Original poster

monkeymiss · 25/03/2011 21:16

Good point Paisley. Think I am a bit bitter.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 21:17

You cant have any child free time? with a 6m old? whyever not?

kerala · 25/03/2011 21:17

If its a crafty way to get you to do all the food and childcare I would do all in my power to get out of it.

Original poster

monkeymiss · 25/03/2011 21:22

Squeakytoy - that's just the way things pan out for me. Been same with both DDs. Both have been frequent feeders and I've never had any joy with expressing so I'm tied for first few months. DD2 weaning now though and seeming to enjoy food so child free time here we come.

OP posts:

Dozer · 25/03/2011 21:22

You are just tired, is never appealling catering for guests when tired.

Squeakytoy, maybe op breastfeeds and/or doesn't have much help with childcare. I have a 7mo and is v hard to leave her as she won't take a bottle.

Original poster

monkeymiss · 25/03/2011 21:25

Dozer, yes, we have cross posted but you are right. I've only just got DD2 into bedtime so I get a bit of time in the evenings (to waste away on mumsnet et al!!). And yes I am TIRED. Why don't my babies sleep? But that would be a whole new thread :)

Thanks everyone xxxxx

OP posts:

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