to not want everyone to invite themselves to our house all the time.

[familyfun]

all our friends who we socialise with always come to our house. we are never invited anywhere. we have 2 dds 3 and 4 months but are able to go out .
if we offer to go over they say we will come to you and yet again we have a house full.
mostly they have kids too so the house gets trashed, dd1s toys are getting broken by the younger kids, food and drink gets spilled everywhere, dirty shoes are trampled through, then they go home and i have a massive clean up to do.
also im stuck in a lot so id like to go out, let someone else stick the kettle on for a change.
AIBU to say no we will come to you as i could do with getting out the house?

Think you need to re-read your op. It is quite clear why they come to you!! Just so their own home isn't trashed!!

Think you need to get firm!!

I think you need to get firm, too. When they say they will come to you, say no that they did that last time, you want to come and see them, save them the journey! Don't take no for an answer. It's hard, I know, but has to be done. Friendship is give and take.

our friends know we take our shoes off but they always let the kids keep their shoes on like kids shoes are clean?? i think kids shoes are dirtier if anything.

dd1 tends to sit for a snack/drink but friends let their kids run back and forward so the food is scattered.
when dd2 was born it was, "we will come over to bring her gift" but now if we say we are passing sat and could pop round they say "no we will come to you" and i feel rude to insist but yes we need to be firmer.
dp says he is going to tell his friend we havent seen their house for 2 years.
i have already had several friends tell me they will come over in the easter hols with kids, im going to have to say do you mind if we come to you instead arent i

You're going to have to feel rude and stict ( ) if you don't want to be put upon all the time.

It'd be OK for you to say 'No shoes in the house please' in a light breezy way to the children as they tear past you, the parents are cheeky not saying it themselves.

You could also tell them no eating while they're running about, I don't think that'd be rude, it's just what you do in your house.

It is weird them going out of their way to always come round to yours, could be because of the mess I suppose, unless they've got something at theirs they're not keen on you seeing?

i do feel put on, also the amount they eat and drink is unreal, the kids down squash and keep saying more please more please having endless refills and ask for snacks and if i say there are no more snacks then their parents get snacks out their bags and they just keep munching away .
i think they have forgotten what its like to have a baby, i barely have time to do minimum housework at the moment and these visits arent a help they are a hinderance.

If they feel so at home in your house you'd think they'd at least help out clearing up and that.

That's the thing with really close friends, that you'd think it'd be easier to talk to them about something they're doing that's bothering you, but it's the complete opposite.

Because you've not said anything in the past they must presume it's how things work round at yours.

How do you think they'd take you starting to pick up on things? (I'm guessing not well or you'd have said something before now)

it's so easy - just SAY... i need to get away from my house, i want to go out - can we go out or to somebody elses's house next time?

We've had several sets of friends like this over the years and it pisses me off. Our children are all older now, so they are not the issue, but I sometimes get the impression that people are too happy to let all the expense and inconvenience be down to me. Eventually when you start to realise that it's ages since the others have taken 'their turn' you atart to resent it a bit and it can sour the relationship.

They may be under the impression that its easier for you to be in your own home [easier for kids etc]

They may however just be taking the royal piss.

Id put a stop to it either way.

yes resentment has started to settle in with me and dp now, i do not want to spend half term entertaining and feeding everyone else kids and then cleaning up after them.
will just suggest park i think.
conversations go like this.

friend leaving my house; we will have to meet up over half term
me; yes i could pop round monday or tuesday?
friend; im out monday but will come tuesday
me; i'm fine to come to you now dd2 is older
friend; no its no trouble we will come to you.
me; aaaagggghhh

ive even been getting ready to go over to semeone and the doorbell has gone and there they are saying thought id save yu the journey.

You need to turn around and not say yes come to us, don't say anything in future about anything.

If they invite themselves over say you are busy doing something else.

I could not abide company when mine were younger as all the other kids just make a mess and when you work full time with two young children, the last thing you want to do is clear up others shit.

Don't invite yourselves to them either they clearly don't want you there, take a leaf out of their book.

i dont want to just stay in all half term with 2 kids though, i want to go out to the park and hopefully visit some friends ( maybe they dont want us there though) and dd wants to play with her friends

Just carry the conversation you've described on, when they've said it's no trouble we'll come to you, just say no, really, we'd much rather come over to see you etc etc etc, see how far they're prepared to push it.

If they develop it into an argument then you'll be a step further to knowing where you stand.

If you want to go out and they obviously dont want to invite you to theirs can you not suggest meeting outside the home?

How about picnics in the park? Or meeting at a soft play centre or something?

I feel really bad cos I HATE my house as it is just so so so so disgusting and Im far too embarrassed to invite anyone round. However, I would NEVER invite myself round to anyone elses as IMO this is rude. Perhaps your house is really nice and they are too embarrassed to invite you to theirs.

I suggest next time you just ask them. Say why cant we go somewhere else than here?

our house isnt posh, far from it, perhaps they think its such a mess that a bit more mess wont hurt

I too hate people coming round here (run down house we can't afford to do up)- always prefer park or cafe or soft play. But one mum always says, "no, we'll come round to yours". Her younger son always breaks something - like a tornado going round house. Can't understand why. Park or soft play means no tidy up, nothing broken, neutral territory - can leave when you've had enough.

( at fartblossom, what a lovely springlike name )

i had this alot when i was a single mum,mate used to stay at mine some Saturdays so my ds 17 could babysit her dd and my dd, the next day her dd would wake us all up early trash my house-walking about with food and getting out every toy in the house,they would then leave and leave me to clear it all up. She rang me one sunday to tell me how relaxed her afternoon was I decoded to just tel her straight and i think you should too.

" to be honest can we come to yours for a change?I am finding a bit much since i had the baby as the house gets so messed up and i have barely enough time to clear up normally never mind the extra mess,maybe we could all take it in turns" simple. Rehearse it first,dont feel bad they dont when they disrespect your home do they?