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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to party with 6mo DS as one of the attendees has shingles?

39 replies

itisnotacompetitionyouknow · 25/03/2011 20:13

Tomorrow is a close relatives 40th birthday party. Me, DP and DS have been invited. Wanted DS to go for 2 reasons 1) my close relative really loves him and doesn't see him very often, and has specifically asked on several occasions if he coming 2) I'm BF and he won't take a bottle.

Another close relative is attending. They have shingles and still have blisters. As far as I'm aware if the blisters are still present then there is a chance that a person who has not yet had chicken pox can catch the virus from this person. I also have read that the virus can be airbourne, therefore transmit easily.

This relative is "determined" to go the party, despite people hinting it will be a bad idea, so I feel I have no choice but not to go.

What really concerns me is there are babies going to this party who won't be aware of this person having shingles and it puts them at risk. At least I can make an informed decision and not go.

Am I being unreasonable by not attending (am I being too cautious?)

Also, would I be unreasonable to approach this relative and tell them they shouldn't be attending as it is putting several people at risk? (To be honest can't understand why someone so ill, covered in blisters, would want to go anyway!)

OP posts:
AtYourCervix · 25/03/2011 20:15

thought it was the other wy around? shingles from pox not pox rom shingles.

i may be wrong though.

hoops997 · 25/03/2011 20:16

YABU I would go so DS does catch the chicken pox virus, at least then he has had the virus early and won't be inclined to scratch his spots, he'll be uncomfortable for a few days but then it'ss be over.

squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 20:17

"Shingles isn't infectious in the same way as chickenpox, where the virus can be passed on to other people through coughs and sneezes. However, the virus can be passed on by direct contact with fluid from shingles blisters, until they dry up and crust over. This can cause chickenpox in people who haven't had chickenpox or the chickenpox (varicella) vaccine. If you have shingles, try to avoid contact with babies, pregnant women and people who have a weakened immune system."

taken from Bupa

QuintessentialShadows · 25/03/2011 20:18

Yanbu. Ds1 got chicken pox from dhs shingles. Babies dont get lasting immunity if they get chicken pox at less than 1 years og age.

IAPJJLPJ · 25/03/2011 20:20

To clear the confusion up....

A person catches chicken pox.

The chicken pox virus then attaches itself to one of the spinal nerves and lies dormant as shingles.

At times of stress etc it re activates and is known as shingles. However the blisters contain the chicken pox virus.

Therefore it is impossible to have shingles without first having chicken pox at some stage in ones life - even a very mild case would be enough (for those of you who know someone who never had chicken pox!!)

and so yes you can catch chicken pox from shingles but not shingles from chicken pox

hoops997 · 25/03/2011 20:21

didn't know that quint I stand corrected, in which I change my mind YANBU

squeakytoy · 25/03/2011 20:21

I would go, but make sure not to have any physical contact with the poorly relative, or I would get a babysitter and leave the child at home and just spend a couple of hours at the party.

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 25/03/2011 20:23

You are wrong "Atyourcervix"

OP I wold try to persuade the shingle not to come for his own comfort! can the party holder tell him not to come?

IAPJJLPJ · 25/03/2011 20:23

I personally wouldn't go with a baby that young - not worth the risk of it developing into something more serious.

I would also make it clear why i wasn't going and if possible try and let the other families know (without making it obvious!!)

apple99 · 25/03/2011 20:24

YANBU, chicken pox is horrible. I would not want to risk a young baby catching it if it can be avoided.

Incredibly selfish of the person with shingles to be attending if they are aware they could potentially pass on an illness, especially to young children or pregnant women.

sevendwarves · 25/03/2011 20:30

YANBU, it isn't worth the risk. The relative with shingles IBU to go.

"I would go so DS does catch the chicken pox virus" Biscuit

AtYourCervix · 25/03/2011 20:31

i wrong Shock thats never happened before Shock Shock

AtYourCervix · 25/03/2011 20:31

i'd not go. and tell everyone why too.

LIZS · 25/03/2011 20:35

ds went to school with shingles . As long as the rash is covered it is not a risk. So yabu.

ratspeaker · 25/03/2011 20:35

I recently had shingles and theres no way i would have wanted to go to a party!
The nerve pain lasted a lot longer than the blisters, I was so achy that the thought of being in a crowd and being bumped accidently would have filled me with dread

I was advised by my GP to stay away from anyone with low or compromised immune system, ie a relative with cancer, even though the risk of transmisssion is low.
I was advised to keep the blistered area covered if in company, but to be honest I felt flu like and very unwell for a while

Shingles is the re awaking of the chicken pox virus, usuall when you;re stressed or ill in another way.
You cant catch shingles from someone with chicken pox, you've already had chicken pox and its lurking in the nerves.
It's technically possible to pass on chicken pox from shingles

I have had shingles before with only a few blisters

As far as I understand it the virus is present in the blisters in shingles so to catch chicken pox from someone with shingles you'd need to touch the blister , you should be ok if the person with shinges sneezes or coughs and you are no longer contagious when the blisters have scabbed over.

EcoLady · 25/03/2011 21:10

My DD had shingles when she was just 8, having had the original chicken pox aged 2.

We were advised by the GP and Practice Nurse that she was fine to go about as much of normal life as she was able to do, provided that the rash area was kept covered. The only issue was that she felt so tired and washed out for several days.

At the end of the day - it's your baby and you do what you feel comfortable with.

alarkaspree · 25/03/2011 21:16

I had a friend whose 3 year old caught chickenpox from her 5 yo sister's shingles (she then gave it to ds who was 11mths, but he didn't suffer much) - but obviously they had much closer contact than your ds is likely to have with your shingly relative.

I think I would go but keep ds away from the relative, but there obviously would be a small risk so it's reasonable to do whatever you're comfortable with.

FannyFifer · 25/03/2011 21:21

Unless the person with shingles decides to rub the blisters on your child you will be safe enough.
The blisters are usually on the torso so covered by clothes.

YABU not to attend party.

cricketballs · 25/03/2011 22:58

after having 2 kids with chicken pox; one at 5 and one at 8 months old I know that if I had another chid then I would prefer them to get this virus over and done with at the earlier age as it is far more managable. The eldest has a scar on his face where I could not stop him scratching whilst the youngest has nothing to show for it.

Take DS to the party - have him play with the rash and get chicken pox over and done with! (hes only going to catch it at sme point anyway)

MsHighwater · 25/03/2011 23:04

DD got shingles late last year. He felt like crap for ages AND his blisters were on his face, not his torso, so can't always be covered up readily. I was happy enough for dd to get it over with esp as it she wasn't unwell until after Xmas and didn't miss any school (and therefore I didn't have to take time off work) but with it being dh, it was unavoidable. Your relative IBU to insist on going to the party in the circs, I think.

MsHighwater · 25/03/2011 23:05

Oops, that shoudl have said, dd got chicken pox from dh's shingles!

ohnoshedittant · 25/03/2011 23:18

hoops97 and cricketballs

Please read up on the possible complications on chicken pox.

It the majority of cases it doesn't have any negative long-lasting effect and we see it as a normal childhood illness.

It can and does kill, even healthy children. It can and does leave long term damage in some cases.

To deliberately expose a 6 month old baby to it is really very stupid.

(There are a number of old threads on this topic where other people have posted about their terrible experiences with chicken pox to try and highlight this issue)

cricketballs · 26/03/2011 07:43

ohnoshedittant - you can get serious complications from a common cold.....

2rebecca · 26/03/2011 08:44

The relative with shingles is being unreasonable. It is infectious although not as infectious as chickenpox. Attending a child's party with active shingles is stupid and selfish though. I'd ask the party holder to ask them not to come, or consider not going. If above 2 I'd say yes just expose the kid to the virus but 6 months is a bit young. Your 6 month old won't miss the party anyway.

2rebecca · 26/03/2011 08:45

Party not childrens party.