sponsorship etiquette?

[Mapley]

Am i being unreasonable ? a friend or relative rings you up, passes the phone to their dc and then your 6 year old nephew, niece or child of your friend asks you to sponsor them for something. They ask you for a tenner outright, i've tried saying I'll give them 10p a lap, or 50p an hour or something but they don't seem to do this anymore. I'm usually just asked for a lump sum, and anything less than a tenner is met with sadness.

OK, so this is OK really, giving a tenner to charity isn't a bad thing and making children happy is good! But then I'm expected to send it straight away, ( sometimes even given parents bank account details). And then a second child asks and a third. So Comic Relief last week cost me thirty quid, which a week before pay day i haven't budgeted for. But the parents are sending me texts saying that the children are heartbroken that I haven't sent the money yet, and even when I say that I'll send it next week when I've been paid I'm told "that a week is too long for an six year old to wait"

What is the etiquette under these circumstances? Am I being unreasonable to be miffed? Seems to be happening regularly too as the children i know get older, every couple of months there's a sponsored something happening. I do remember doing sponsored stuff when i was little and loving it, but it was always small amounts, with me going round with my form and I collected the money personally from people. Is this the norm these days, phoning up far flung aunts and friends of the family and getting big amounts transferred?

How do you handle this with your children?

Etiquette for those wanting to be sponsored is that you never ask for a specific amount, and you don't badger people if they prefer not to give.

Children heartbroken?? - Good grief, - what nonsense. The parents need to get a grip and stop allowing their children to be so rude.

Not the norm ime. I would let them ask people in person and then no pressure to sponsor or by what amount.

Really you should have been firm and said 'sorry x is all I can afford so take it or leave it'.

I would be annoyed if I were put into that position and likely to say no out of principle.

out of principle?

on principle?

foggy brain today....

That is so rude - my DS does quite a few 'sponsored' fund raising events and to be honest we just give him an appropriate sum of money as a donation. I wouldn't dream of phoning someone up and asking (well, might just do it to my parents who are quite wealthy ) - this is despite sponsoring neices, nephews, friends' kids etc over the years - I just think it is cheeky beyond question. It is just about acceptable to ask someone 'face to face' but in my opinion that is enough (and the child should do the asking 'under supervision' depending on their age). A set amount should NEVER be mentioned.

phew, glad i'm not totally out of touch

i'm not desperately worried about it being a set amount, i'm more peeved about the expecting it paid in a set timescale and being texted to hurry up.

i never ask people to sponsor my kids for anything, I just write a cheque and send it in

But the 'set amount' is very rude full stop. Just not the done thing at all.

Agree with others here - I only ask Grandparents for dd's stuff. Also, when people are expected to donate a fixed sum, that does not encourage their PFB to perform to the max, as they have a guaranteed amount, so does not really encourage work ethic, etc. We had a similar problem with a good, but very bored and unfulfilled adult friend who was constantly climbing Kilimanjaro(sp?) etc. Fortunately, he used to send stuff by post, and we got to the stage where we ignored a couple of things. There are elements of manipulation in what is being said to you...do not be Guilt Tripped into this!

When dd has sponsored events we only ask grandparents and my brother who is single and quite likes to sponsor her. Would'nt dream of asking the wider family or friends.

This is how it goes.
"Hello, Mapley, will you sponsor me?"
"Hello child, what is the charity?"
"Well, Mapley, it's xx"
"Oh, child, I'm very sorry, but this year I am supporting yy charity, so I am afraid the answer is no. But good luck anyway. Bye!"
(Unless of course it IS your chosen charity in which case you smilingly agree and post the cheque asap.)
Simple.

I never ask others to sponsor my children either.

DS1 did a sponsored run for comic relief, 10 laps of the school hall (it was raining or it would have been the field) I filled out names of family and the amount. Then I got then money out of my purse and sent it in!

DS1 was happy that he'd been sponsored and that was that.

I wouldn't have asked anyone because I'd already asked people if they wanted to sponsor me for the Marathon I'm doing No pressure or guilt tripping involved though

I only ever allow dd to ask grandparents & aunt (who can all afford a few £). I never let her ask for a set amount. I usually do the first entry on the form with a nominal amount, and sometimes add a bit extra at the end depending on the specific charity.

However I have had kids at my door collecting sponsors for all sorts of things, kids who don't even live in my street and I have never seen before! What sort of parent allows their kids to go knocking on strangers doors.

'heartbroken'? 'a week is too long for a six year old to wait'? Do give over.

Who do they think they are? tut. Tell them that it's emotional blackmail and to wait for an amount that you CHOOSE to give.

I do the same as bluerodeo. I would never have dreamed of allowing my DDs to ask my friends for money, and I always am annoyed (though I always give the child a fiver) when I am prevailed by other people's children.

A couple of sponsored events I've had recently have made me a bit because they have asked for the money to be in before the DCs have even done the activity that they're supposed to be sponsored for.
I never ask anyone either and just pay it myself.

YANBU- the money is meant to be collected after the event and it is never, ever suggested AFAIK as to how much a person should donate. at the total lack of manners by the parents, who are in turn teaching their child to be grasping so and so's.

As for the "heartbroken" and "a week is too long for a 6 year old to wait" comments, I'd tell 'em to kiss my arse quite frankly. If that is the case their child needs to get a grip already and learn to be patient.

Same person did this for children in need last hear and had her 6 year old texting me from her phone asking where the money was.

Glad I'm not being unreasonable, was prepared for a flaming.

The kid isn't heartbroken. The parent however is shit scared that they'll end up having to cough up the sponsorship money that somehow never materialises...

YANBU, but then I only ever sponsor someone if I can either give the money there and then or do a Justgiving thing online because I'm v v disorganised and would never get round to it . You're probably suffering the fallout from past experience with nitwits like me.

i only ask my parents and my sisters.and never ask for a set amount

I only ask immediate family and never actually get round to gathering the funds so write a cheque.
I dont mind this kind of venture - i bloody hate the 'vie/jamie at home' parties on behalf of scouts/brownies etc. U r pressured by some local rep at the school gates to attend in support of the organisation, spend £20+ on stuff you didnt want and didnt need and for which the organisation in quetion gets 10% of sales. Rep get paid her hostess fee........ Hmmmmm. Id sooner make a donation. Bah humbug.

That's very rude of them OP.

I did a charity run once and I sent an email around my friends and work place telling them of it and I set up a fundraising webpage. Either they wanted to sponsor me or they didn't, but that's their choice. I would never ask people to sponsor me to their face or specify an amount.

I think an email sent to alot of people at one time is the best way as no one in particular is being singled out or put on the spot.

That is so rude and unreasonable of them. A tenner??? That's ridiculous. My ds is sponsoring at the moment, I've given £2 and I'm letting him ask close friends/family, that he comes across physically - no sales calls - and I feel even bad for putting £2 in case they feel they have to match it.

My ds is 6 and he is not really aware of how much money is really worth, nor does he care. HEARTBROKEN??? FFS!! She can just upfront the money til she sees you next if her poor ds is really that inconsoleable. And then when you tell her you can pay next week, even that's not good enough? I'm sorry but this woman, whoever she is - friend/sister/aunt or whatever, is RUDE and sounds like a right pain in the arse.

YANBU. Perhaps your generosity in the past is being taken advantage of here? When our DC are doing a sponsored activity we sponsor them ourselves and ask the grandparents - that's it.

"heartbroken" - love it

If it's happening frequently makes me suspicious about whether or not you're funding something else?

£30 a pop every few months adds up to quite a bit over a year. Can you trust them?

Sorry just a thought, not wanting to cause offence. Seems like a lot of money to me.