I know a being a mum must be hard...BUT

[bananasinpjamas]

Is it really fair on other passengers to take your little Nikkita, Tyler, Chantelle, Charli and Dwayne whilst you start bellowing at them "f*cking shutttup alrite n sit down you little sht innit" because they are now screaming, intimidating other passengers and fighting with eachother you haven't taught them to behave properly on public transport. PLEASE if you need to give them a multi pack of fruit shoots and jammy dodgers to be quiet, please go ahead you have my full permission, ARRRGH,

BrainSurgery.

It's horrible but I've seen parents speak to their young children so many times like that apart from the conversation I described earlier. Usually in a crowdwd shopping mall when they have another mate with them and a baby in a pushchair and the toddler is getting bored.

It is terribly sad but you can't challenge everyone you see that makes you upset.

Jeez, Upahill, that is terrible

Agreed with brainsurgeon, outraged with mums language, and pity the kids

Bellowing to children like that is nothing to do with "it's hard being a mum" and everything to with being badly brought up, badly bringing up your children and believing it is alright because the people around you do it.

Unfortunatly, I find this hard to judge. You don't know what the mum has been through etc.

I remember once being really tired, this was when DS1 was 5 and sleeping just 2 hours a night, but not being able to be left in bed as he didn't stay there. So I was surviving on the same 2 hours sleep as he was. I was trying to do my shopping, having nobody to look after DS1 he had to be with me. When he had yet another tantrum and i just stopped in my tracks as he kicked out and screamed, cried etc and said (admittedly rather loud as well) "Will you give it a fucking rest I am sick of this everytime we go anywhere"

Roll on to now, he still hates shopping but armed with the recent knowledge he has aspergers, I can deal with things differently. Not that I would or did continue to swear at him, but I did on that occassion.

Am I a bad mother? or was I just so worn out at the time that I didn't know if I was coming or going.

Don't agree with the language at all.

No matter how badly behaved they are, they will think talking like that is the done thing.

Set your standards by example.

@ TLE's DS2. Kids dontcha just love 'em. Wrt the incident with your DS1 you snapped at a difficult time, I've done it myself and doubt there's anyone who hasn't.

I don't think any of these parents like the one the OP mentioned are necessarily bad. It's probably just the way they've been brought up and are now bringing their kids up.

Chaotic, its hard not to laugh at DS2 when he comes out with the things he does - like tell my mum "They aren't carrots that are birds you silly old dinosaur" when she read a book and pointed out there were 2 green Parrots in the tree.

i agree,try bribery,try anything but ssssshhhhh.

Sorry but I always get a big out of the OP pointedly thanking the one poster who agrees with them :o

LadyEvenstar, I could have written your post. I know we have 'met' many times before, on threads, but I had no appreciated that your situation was almost identical to mine.

Infact, I have said worse. Ds1(then 6) mis-behaving, with tongue tied, non sleeping ds2(3 mths), and me having a diabetic hypo, I have said very loudly, in the supermarket, " Will you just fucking shut, up, I have had as much as I can fucking take". Before collapsing in a heap and having to have ds1 open a lucozade bottle for me.

Oblomov, which is my fault because as I have said so many times for so long I labelled DS1 as naughty because I had nothing else to go by, it was MN that shoved me in the right direction to find out why he behaves the way he does. x

Thats funny, becasue I have been on Mn, since beforte ds1 was 1. and over the years, when he was 2, 3 and 4, I posted. And everyone told me I was being unreasonable. and it was just a boy being a child, etc and that I expected too much.
fast forward. I insist on seeing a child pyschologist, privately, having been told by the Gp and hv that there was nothing wrong, that i was parenting badly, nd thta i was abusing my son ( yes seriously !!) and now he is being assessed for Aspergers.

To be fair, its a valid point the OP raises. you shouldn't swear and shout at your misbehaving children. It is very unpopular and not very effective.
As this website is all about helping people learn good parenting skills can I offer you my best two penneth as a parent of 3.
Instead, you should swiftly pull back your right or left hand, depending upon whether you are right or left handed, and swing the hand round in a circular motion connecting the palm of the said hand, with any part of the child that has remained still for the last 3 seconds, catapulting them forwards at least 3 foot so that they land face down on the floor.
I find that that usually shuts them up for, let's see......at least another 10 seconds!!

Ob, it took a while for me to admit there was more to DS1's behaviour part of the reason was I was stubborn and then when I started asking DR's they told me he was being a boy, I even ended up with SS investigating as they thought I was doing something to cause the behaviour, luckily the SW was amazing and listened to everything I had to say about his behaviour developing etc and she pushed through the Aspergers assessment. Once she was involved it took just from October 2010 unti February 2011 to get the DX.

We never quite know what other people are going through but even so I don't swear. Isn't it usually just a sign of a limited vocabulary? We all kow people whose every other word is a swear word. It's not good for children.

Limited Vocabulary or pure frustration/exhaustion

I agree. I try very hard not to swear. I believe my vocabulary is extensive enough to portary to someone how livid I am !!

Of course kids with ASD or other conditions making loads of noise because they are in distress/ having sensory overload is completely different though!

I agree with you OP. Where I live there are quite a few people who think it's appropriate to speak to kids like that and it really upsets me. Yes, mothers can be at the end of their tether and snap and say something they then regret, but I actually think that for a lot of people that is the usual way they speak to their children. I use public transport quite a lot and cringe at some happenings at bus stops. Usually mum is on her phone so ignoring toddler. Toddler runs around, climbs on seats in shelter, treads on people's bags, etc and mum just ignores. When toddler starts to annoy mum by asking her questions or trying to talk to her mum will whinge and whine at child or tell child to "shut the fck up!" or child runs into road so mum has to do something, and will call out something like "come here you little sht!" Not appropriate, not acceptable and not really excusable in my opinion except to say that a lot of the mums round my way were also dragged up themselves so don't know how to treat their children any differently. Sad, very sad.

I wish I lived in a world where children weren't spoken to like that but I hear it all too often. There's been numerous complaints at my DD's nursery because one mother speaks to her children like that all the time.
I witnessed it in the cloakroom one morning. Half the kids stood looking gobsmacked at the aggression and language and the others didn't bat an eyelid, they were probably used to it.

YABU at her not managing to control the children all the time. My DD is usually good but she'll still have her moments.
But YANBU at the language, there's no reason anyone should use offensive language to anyone else no matter what their age.