AIBU to get annoyed when people say little boys should 'man up'

[1lumpor2]

i get soooo when people say my DS should 'man up' or 'toughen up' (he's 3 months old), who wants a man who wont show his emotions?!

Wait, who actually said this to/ about your DS and in what context? I find it hard to believe that someone would say that to a 3 month old in seriousness.

And I have never known the phrase to be something exclusive to be used on men. My DP say's it to me all the time when he thinks I need to be more assertive, am slacking, being lazy, being too soft or sensitive about things. In actual urban culture, It can be said to anyone, much like the term "go hard or go yard", both meaning the same thing, toughen up.

Yes the phrase is "man up" but it is not exclusive to men and this only stems from the fact that men are supposed to be the more aggressive or assertive half of the sexes. But I do agree that men may use it more often, though many women I know use it and with other women too.

YANBU. To a 3 month old is bloody ridiculous but I hate it at any age.

It suggests they aren't 'tough' enough and why do boys have to be like that? You wouldn't get people saying it to girls.

I wish DS wasn't quite so 'tough' sometimes, bashing his cars and making his dinosaurs fight all the time.

Why is the phrase sexist?

because it implies that manly virtues are the ones to aspire to

I'm thinking bravery, stiff upper lip that sort of thing

It's used if the object is displaying what are commonly thought of as womanly traits-crying, showing emotion, being a ninny!

The phrase also excludes women from possessing heroic virtues and reinforces the perception of women being more feeble generally than men.

My BIL used to say this to his son constantly. My nephew is now 3.5 and is the whingiest, most miserable little boy I've ever met.

ok, only 2 people. but i have heard it said 3 times in the past few months to 2 other boys a similar age to DS.

:) Sorry, that was a bit mean of me, am in a grumpy mood

I say man up and tuff up, either to people I know well or tongue in cheek. I'd say it to boys and girls, men and women.

I like it a lot as a jokey thing.

Never to a 3 month old though.

But it could be a joke.

He couldn't which is why it's obviously a joke.

1lumpor2 what a f*ing ridiculous thing to say (and to a baby ?!). In 20 years of teaching largely disadvantaged kids, the most deeply damaged ones have been the five boys (I knew of, there were probably more) who HAD to 'man up' because they felt that they had to protect their mothers and/or sisters from domestic violence. They all stick in my mind because they were deeply affected and internalised and externalised their anger.

They would have liked nothing better than not to have had to 'man up' and I'm sure it damaged them for life. All with lovely personalities, all having experienced stuff they never should have had to ... what a horrible society we are living in if 'manning up' is standard advice for boys or girls :(

ok, i concede only twice said to my DS but have heard it said to 2 other little boys recently, we dont want them to be cissies apparently.

Albercamus, I don't think that is really what anyone is really talking about when they suggest a child should man-up.
Obviously those children had to take on adult responsibilities because of their dreadful home situations, but when I say it I'm simply suggesting that my son should stop whinging about a dropped biscuit.

Ridiculous and probably joking to a three month old.

I don't like the phrase but I do agree with the sentiment (though to a much older child of course!) Boys and girls of all ages need to learn to be resourceful and resilient. I don't mean the whole tough, mini adult thing. I tell DS to "be brave" sometimes. It's a tough world, he's going to have to be! :)

But no, YANBU. The phrase is distasteful and ludicrous to say to an infant in any case!