to have lost all motivation for my career after having my DS's?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I don't know if this is the right board but I am just wondering if this is normal or if anyone else feels like this?

I have 2 DS's, DS1 3.5 years and DS2 20 months old. I returned to work last summer after my mat leave with DS2, to a new job. It's a very high pressured job with huge responsibilities, one that at first I was looking forward to, but now I have just lost all zest and motivation for it. I work part time and I when I am at work I just wish I was at home with my boys. I just keep thinking I wish I could win the lottery so I didn't need to work and could have more babies and just be with them.

My brain seems to have turned to complete mush, I studied hard over many years and have 2 degrees to get me where I am today in this job. However, I feel I know nothing, that I blag my way through each day and that I will be found out as a fraud one day. I am meant to know all this theory and blah blah but TBH, I don't know anything! (well I do know some things but loads of stuff I know that I don't know it). I keep meaning to read up on things I need to know at night but I'm so knackered from either being at work or being with the boys that I can't be arsed.

I just have zero motivation and don't know how to get it back! Help!

Hello there
it sounds like you are really tired (unsurprisingly) and stressed, and that's possibly tipping you into a somewhat depressed view of your performance at work. Can you solve some of the problems around fatigue - get some childcare to cover a bit of your non-work time, so you have a bit of breathing space? Bit more help with domestic side (husband doing more, cleaner?) I'd agree with catzcream and others, that you might find it helpful to take a more problem-solving approach to the existing situation to improve it, before you decide that it's all or nothing and the only choice is giving up work.

What about getting some careers' counselling - Women Like Us offer a service. It's about £100 for 4 sessions of appraisal, I think (a work colleague has just had her first session) and it might give you some ideas about where your strengths are and where you'd like your working life to go.

DoodleAlley

Well, I work closest to home by a long way, dh has a long commute so I have all the drop offs and pick-ups to do, this limits working hours unless you use breakfast clubs/childminder in the a.m. and after school childcare of some form too. I couldn't bear to use both so I work part-time and do the school run in the morning. Added stress of getting there on time and having all the right stuff on the right day, packed lunch, pe kit/swimming kit/musical instruments etc etc.

Holidays and inset days need to be covered if you are not taking annual leave from work. Cue spreadsheets of various childcare schemes/childminders/dates etc and making sure the dc are happy with the options you are using. I couldn't drop a dc off at a childcare option, knowing that they weren't happy enough to be there (they don't need to be ecstatic about it, just not unhappy to be there, it's usually only for a day as I use a variety of options and mix the days up so if dc hasn't had a great time I can say "never mind you're going to XYZ tomorrow")

After school childcare is great except that if your child is not at home at the same time as the classmates whose mums don't work they have less time for homework, music practice, sporting activities and as we indulge our dc with paid for sports and other activities during the week there is the shuttling around to these to factor in, right kit right day, has child been fed yet etc etc.

Homework, times tables, spellings, projects etc do require parental input to varying degrees and this eats into fun time at weekends.

I could go on and probably haven't explained it very well, maybe we try and cram in to much but I don't want the dc to miss out on after school stuff just because I work too.

You also, I find, need to make 1-2-1- time for a roundabout subtle discussion about the dc's life, mine usually find ways to let me know during this time if something is bothering them but is not urgent enough to have produced tears/warning signs at the time.

That's really helpful thanks. I do flexi time so tend to have to do the pick ups after work and days when I'll so I think like you I'd bear the burden fir the school stuff too. Keeping in employment right now until decide whether to ttc for another but will hold your comments in mind!

Well I hope you have a good weekend after all your rushing around - it sounds far more exhausting than looking after one toddler!!

Just wanted to say to ineed that you sound like a wonderful mum :)

Do you know OP I was having the exact same thoughts driving to work today. I spent all day thinking about my kids and how much I would rather be with them. I have an interesting job but am completely lacking in confidence and motivation since returning to work after having my kids. I know exactly what you mean about the brain turning to mush - I have so much else to think about and worry about that work just takes a back seat. I purely work for the money and because I have to.

I would so rather be at home full time

Thanks everyone for your helpful words, it's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I have decided to try to read a few pages at least of work stuff every few nights (I tried tonight and read 4 pages, better than nothing I guess), but it's just a combination of having the kids, trying to do up the house and still get some relaxation time that makes it so hard to do anything re work.

I have supervision with my boss tomorrow so I might talk to her, I think the pressures of work are affecting my motivation so if I can get some support (hopefully) then it might help.

I can't really get another job as my wage is barely enough anyway so taking a wage drop wouldn't be good. And being a SAHM isn't an option given the cost of mortgage etc. Oh well, I can't really complain as at least my job is only 3 days and I have my health and a happy healthy family.

I think this is something that is very true for many, but often goes unsaid. I can't help thinking that the real reason there aren't many women in high positions is that once they've had kids they see the kids as more important than career, and don't focus as much. Not true for everyone of course.

However, you need to think of the future - unless you are very wealthy and can afford to not work for the rest of your life, sooner or later you will have to do it. And it's better to keep chugging along so that you can at least do something interesting than be basically unemployable as some SAHMs are when they try to get jobs when their kids are in their teens.