at my recent bizarre health visitor appointment!

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I got a visit from our new health visitor today, for a review appointment for my DS's and to meet her. DS2 is 20 months and DS1 is 3.5 years old. They look very similar facially but are obviously very different in height and physical ability.

So she came in, had never met my boys before, and started referring to 'the twins'. I wondered who she was on about, then she said 'oh isn't he talking well, he talks in sentences and everything!' referring to DS1. 'He's really great for a 2 year old!'.

So I said 'Ummmm, he's 3.5 years?'. She said , 'oh I thought they were twins!'. Me- 'Ummmmm, they are very different sizes, not very twin like eh?' (or words to that effect).

She hadn't even read their files before she came! Bizarre appointment, especially as someone who works with kids day in day out could make such a fundamental error...

AIBU to think this was a tad unprofessional?

Sounds about as competant as my hv - I always felt her visits were there to give me confidence in my own parenting abilities as they were sooooo rubbish.

Knowing the health service their files are probably lost somewhere in the quagmire. I think it's fairly amazing that your health visitor schedules things like review meetings. Where I live there are not the resources...

Sounds like a typical encounter with a health visitor to me.....

My health visitor told me that I should really eat chicken every day if I wanted to produce good milk whilst breastfeeding.... whilst knowing that I was vegetarian. She suggested that I needed a break from 'fussy eating' if I was to bf!

I used to get people talking about my twins when one was

one month old

and one was

a year and a half old

ffs
but at least to be fair, they weren't health visitors who couldn't tell the difference

I just saw my hv for DS's 8 month check, (he's 11.5 months). When she asked me when I last breastfed him and I looked at my watch she was shocked that I was still actually breastfeeding. She then made a comment about how I will definitely not be breast feeding him when he's 2. I was so surprised at her assumptions and attitude towards this!

one more thing - every hv visit has been crap. what kind of training do these people receive?? what is their purpose?? What a waste of time, money and resources.

I've mentioned this before but when my friend had the hv round for her son's 12/18 month review, the HV commented that he was very behind in his speech.

Friend replied, well that's because he's only been able to hear for 4months.

HV then requested friend take off her ds's hearing aids, called the little boys name numerous times, then came out with

"oh he can't hear very well can he?"

Well no, you idiot, that's why he has cochlear implants!

I really don't think she read his file before going to see him and I'm pretty sure she thought his hearing aids etc where just for show!

My goodness, perhaps she had her eyes closed or was having one of those small/far away Father Dougal moments.
I always come away from the HV feeling like I've been in a parallel universe or at least the Twilight Zone, especially seeing as mine never visit, we have to go and see them.

Mine were ok once I finally asked for help...

I FINALLY manage to say how depressed I was, and admit to having thoughts of harming my DC... (which took so much guts, I was willig to walk away from them to protect them, that's how bad...)... their response... "you wouldn't do anything like that"....

Totally sweeping it away.. it was very REAL to me, and am THANKFUL I didn't do anything (it got so scarily close)... but they didn't take it seriously at all... sure they visited me sevreal times to have a'chat' until I could get therapy... but still I don't think they understood. It took a while before they believed me DD cried LOTS... till they were there, and said, "is that what she does ALL the time..."... ERM YES, yes it is... lol. Bit like I was told it was normal to feel like my son wasn't mine after I had him, and that it was okay not to feel I loved him (a pysch told me the bonding thing was a sort of myth...". THAT didn't make me feel any better either... Particularly when I then BONDED with DD (but still had PN, but it was because I bonded so well that they didn't figure it could happen I guess).

Sorry rant over... actually not quite.

I asked for parenting support SEVERAL times with DS.. Yes, I knew all the things to try, sure, they KNEW I did, but I wanted to do more... they said they'd contact me and they NEVER DID... I think they thought that since I managed the stage when he used to bite me till I bruised and pull lumps of hair out of my head and stay calm and not retailiate that I didn't need parenting classes... I just wanted to SHARE and feel less alone... ARGHH

BTW... my sister and I looked like twins by the time she was almost two. We are 18mths ish apart, and by the time she was 1 and I was 2.5, we weighed the same...

Bum, I've missed all these posts from mercybuckets down

My mother is a health visitor. She is very dedicated and professional, and receives cards all the time from parents updating her on how their kids are going on now older and she doesn't see them. Not all HVs are crap. Some are, like in every profession.

Case loads are ridiculously massive as well.

Catnao, where does your mum live?

I would LOVE to meet a great HV for my boys.

The reason I haven't seen one for months is because the one's I did see where appalling.

If I could find a good one, i'd happily see them on a regular basis.

If you like I will PM you her area and the clinic she is attached to.

My own HV was crap when my son was a tiny - she tried to read the back of a tin of formula to me so I would understand how to make it up (I have an English degree, and I can READ), and persistently referred to how hard it is for teenage mums (I was 22).

My mum is excellent. I'm so glad I have had her advice when I had a little one.

My HV when I had DD1 was brilliant (in Fulham). She even called me a year after we moved to catch up on how my DD was doing. Some of them are very good, but resources are scarce.

At one point, my mum was working in a rural team, which supposedly consisted of 6 members. 2 were off on long term sick and one on maternity.

The remaining members had to share the case load between them.

Not very easy.

My HV is lovely, but at DD's 8-12 month check last week we did have a conversation that went:

HV: So this is X's 8-12 month development check. How old is X now?
Me: 13 months
HV: Oh

So she's great, but the system's not perfect

My mother is also now officially retired since early this year. Except she can't stop work. Her conscience won't allow it.

Catnao, well we're moving to London soon so if your mums anywhere around there then yes.

We're not entirely sure what area of London we're moving to but all these things help in the decision process.

I had brilliant HVs with both my DDs, can't fault them - they really got BF too. The one I had for DD2's 8 month assessment turned out to be the midwife who delivered DD1 (she'd retrained). She asked me how much milk DD2 was having, was not at all fazed when I said don't know as she's BF. Our lot were also very hot on screening and following up referrals for PND - really helped a friend of mine. I think once you get a good team with a good culture it just perpetuates itself, but getting there from a baseline of not so good is hard...

I didn't have a positive experience with my HV. I felt it hard to relate to someone giving me advice about motherhood when she has never had children herself. Probably an unfair reaction as she would have to had extensive training to be in the position she had. I requested no further visits from her when my DD was 4 weeks old as I felt I didn't need her assistance. Posts like the OP's indicate that perhaps my reaction was valid.

To be honest I am unsure of the benefits that HVs provide to mothers. I managed very well without her advice.

I think it's our duty to lessen their case loads. If you don't want to see them, don't. You don't have to.

Never liked health visitors, always think they are busy bodies who actually know fuck all and be surprised if they had kids themselves with the shit they spout.

FabbyChic expresses my thoughts beautifully but I tried to use more diplomatic language