To say you need to step up and do the work too!

[lepetitesinge]

I am being entirely reasonable, I know I am, but I need reassurance please. Which means I am dooming myself to being shot down in flames.

My partner and I are currently looking for a new place to rent. My lease ends 30th April, his 5th May. So far I am the one doing all the leg work, I've been the one dealing with letting agents, scouring property listings, ringing around and booking appointments to view.

He has done nothing. He even said at the weekend, that he could go back to his parents and I could just extend my lease for a bit if we don't find something by May. Um, no I can't. And if he goes back to his parents place, I think I'm going to need a crowbar to get him out.

I booked a load of a viewings two weeks ago, we went, we viewed, we didn't not find somewhere. I asked him to sort out the next lot. He hasn't done a thing, I've ended up booking ones for last weekend and ones for the coming weekend. And then he has the temerity to keep saying to me "I don't want to live in this place, or that place" and go on and on about how things might be wrong and our new landlord might rip us off. I've rented more places than he has and I've never rented a shitheap yet. I'm not stupid, I've rented for the last 13 years.

AIBU to tell him it's his fucking turn to do some work and he needs to be a lot more helpful about this whole process. He is ill at the moment, but has been as well as me up until Tuesday.

ERmm, not sure how to say this... But it doesn't sound to me like he wants to live with you, he sounds like he wants to go back to his parents..

Is there a message behind his lack of enthusiasm that you might be missing? Perhaps he would prefer to just live with his parents but doesn't know how to tell you.

I may be wide of the mark but it's just a feeling I have.

I think you need to listen to the message

you are currently not co habiting

he has already indicated an interest in returning to his parents' house

he has found fault with every prospective property you have proffered

I would be running for the hills from a commitment to a man with this level of disinterest

sorry to be harsh

wow at triple x posts

Sorry Op, but I think he is telling you something too :(

The bit about going back to his parents is the giveaway there..

Kind of agree with Lisa sorry. Either he's actually delaying living with you, OR he's just a lazy arse - are you sure you want to live with either of those options?

I agree with the others, he shows no enthusiasm at all for wanting to find a place to live in with you, this clearly shows it is not something he really wants to do. He wants to go back to his parents not live with you, might I suggest you find your own place rather than look for one with him.

I've got to agree with pp's. Forget finding a new place to live in with him, just find one that you like and move in.

I just asked my husband, to get a male point of view, and he said exactly the same.

Yes agree with the others
he doesn't want to live with you
and do you really want to live with someone so lacking in enthusiasm for starting a new chapter with you?

Actions speak louder than words. He isn't acting like this is what he wants. I have to agree with the others as harsh as it is you will grateful in the long run.

I agree with all the others, and I certainly wouldn't be in any rush to allow him to move in if he suddenly changes his mind after you have gone to all the effort to find somewhere new

At least he is being a lazy ass, at worst just not that into you

Do you want to live with someone so ineffectual?

This does not bode well for a life together, and to me, signals the shape of things to come.

Agree with the others, sorry.

Eek, sorry but from what you've said he doesn't seem enthusiastic or excited about the move to living together. Maybe this is his general personality and he's like this about most things, but even so, it seems like something that will (continue to?) annoy you. Either apathy / laziness / lack of enthusiasm. I suppose you could give him some sort of ultimatum, like he has to sign on the dotted line for one of the places you like or explain why not, but if he doesn't want to move in (but hasn't said so) then how long will he go along with it for? So, maybe concentrate on finding somewhere for you that you like and give him the option of moving in too?

(Sorry for being negative)

Thanks for all the responses. It had crossed my mind that this was his guilt free easy way out of moving in together (he suggested that we live together!). He hasn't cohabited before, I have (I'm 30, he's 31) and I really did wonder if he was having cold feet. To clarify, the stuff he's said about certain places not being right was actually districts, not specific flats. So far we hated one place and really liked another apart from a weird aspect of the kitchen. The others were pretty indifferent and would do if nothing else came along It was more that him keep saying the same things was driving me potty because it was obvious. I'm not going to rent us a converted recycling bin in KnifeStab Square!

He is the kind to take the backseat in things and he says it's because he doesn't mind so long as I'm happy etc, which I hate because actually that puts huge pressure on me. My ex was like this too and we ended up pretty miserable as a result.

As it turns out, about 2 minutes after I posted he rang me narrows eyes, wonders if he secretly MNs too and I might have blown up at him slightly and told him he was acting like a twat. He's conceded he's been a lazy arse about it (I am lazy about things like housework, he is lazy about things like finding a house to live in). I fully explained how it makes me feel and he was a bit shocked by my concern that he just want to live back with the parentals again rather than being a grown up.

Conclusion, he is a lazy arse who will be ringing a lot of agents over the next couple of days and booking a day off work to view places. It might be a six month lease we sign though.

Good luck lepetitesinge. You sound like you've got the measure of him. I hope it all works out for you in the end.