for wishing I could leave DH at home for Parents' Evening?

[rickymummy]

Every term it's the same, he only listens to the negatives and how our DS can "improve", and just dismisses the positives.

I know that DS is "academically able", and that he is thriving at school. He has lots of friends, puts his hand up a lot in class, is enthusiastic, hard working, and has a wide knowledge.

I also know that he rushes his maths and makes silly mistakes, is generally a messy worker, struggles with his handwriting, although it is improving, and is great at spelling, unless he is engrossed in his work, when it goes to pot. I also know that he is a sensitive soul, who gets upset when the teacher tells anyone off, and who hates any disruption to routine.

I know, because I sit with him doing homework, reading, spellings, times table. He tells me all about his day, and I know everyone of his moods.

Then along comes Parents' Evening, and DH (who usually is a great husband and Dad, btw) spends the whole time moaning about his spelling/writing and is really "concerned" that DS has been tearful this week. And then wants me to have answers, and a "review procedure". Questions DS all about it, when all DS needs to hear is that we loved looking at his books and that is teacher is really pleased with him.

Now me and DH have had a row, DS has gone to school quite teary again...

Sorry, just needed a moan.

I think you're getting it just right and your DH is going to stress your DS out unnecessarily. Your DS sounds like he's doing just fine - better than fine really, and sounds a lot like my DS. I think if you put pressure on your DS he'll switch off. Good luck. Try and find out what your DH went through with his parents in terms of his work. It could be that his parents were harsh on him about school work and he doesn't know any other way. How old is your DS?

If you know all of this about your DS, why does either of you need to go to parents' evening?

He sounds like my dad was. I used to dread Parents Evening because the negative aspects would be focused on almost to the exclusion of the positive ones. Still, it was better than my mum in the 5th year (now year 11).

Mum: "Mr X is tearing his hair out over your maths." (I was rubbish at it)/

Me: "Well I am trying my best (I was).

Mum: "Well, your best just isn't good enough!"

OP, why not just leave him at home? DD is 9,10 and we have her parent teacher consultation (no parents evening here) on Monday. DH won't be able to come because he will be doing his at the same time - he is a teacher [-smile]

Would love to leave him at home - he had actually forgotten about it anyway:)

Swallowed, I love the sandwich idea. Criticsm is a big problem in our house. I'm not great at taking it (had counselling, told it was probably because I had too much as a child), and DH is the most critical person I know (counsellor says probably why I married him).

I'll try it and see how we get on.

Sympathies! It is the dd's parents evening this afternoon, and, for the first time, DH will be home and able to attend. DD1 is bright, but a daydreamer, and the teachers always comment on her lack of attention span. The same lack of attention span that DH has, and admits to having!! So you would think he would be sympathetic to her plight, but no- he gives her a really hard time about it!! DD1 is already dreading it, and begged me to "not tell daddy" if the teacher said she didn't listen When she discovered he was going with me, her face fell. I will be having stern words with DH in the car on the way home! I know it's because he didn't do well at school, and sees a lot of him in her, and wants her to do better than he did, but she can't help it!!

I try really hard to always big up the positives, with just a mention of the negatives, but DH zones right in on anything that needs "fixing"! Garrgh

YANBU

My DH has the same reaction to DDs parents evenings and generally focuses on the negatives. What really makes me cross is that he says what are 'we' going to to about her maths etc. when actually it means what are 'you' going to do about it as I generally do all the homework, reading etc. arghhhhhh

As if we don't fret and worry enough about our DCs!

Thanks, everyone. Glad I posted on here, I feel calmer now.

DS is only 7 (year 2), and we do tend to expect a lot from him. I can see the pattern of family history repeating itself from both sides (love my MIL, but she is bossy and opinionated and nothing DH ever did/does is good enough).

DS is fine today (said he only got upset once, but is quite happily playing with his best friend upstairs). Will have to see how DH is - he won't finish work until late, and hasn't answered my texts today.