to think remark was out of order (long story)

[frogmella666]

I have lupus nephritis and claim DLA , in December I had to renew my claim. I got a letter to say if I don't hear anything after 8 weeks to contact the DWP/DLA office to find out what was happening (letter dated 20-12-10).
I telephoned the office and asked what was happening on 3-3-11 only to be told they had decided to ask my GP for a medical report.
I'm not worried by this but I did question why they waited until 16-2-11 to ask for the report seeing as they have had nearly 2 months to get any information they needed.
I wasn't given a reason at first but after a few more phone calls I was asking again why wait so long when the woman on the the phone said it was because; while looking at my claim they realised I was claiming carers allowance for ds ( ADHD/ASD ).
She went on to say that because I am a single parent they found it hard to believe that I cared for my son and claimed CA for him if I was claiming DLA for my self as I wouldn't be capable of looking after him if I had a disability or serious illness! ( if I was in a relationship and myself and my partner claimed DLA with middle/high rate care we could claim CA for each other with no questions asked.)
I was told to claim CA by the DWP even though I told them my 2dd's were in fact looking after my needs and ds needs.
AIBU to think it was out of order to say that.
I was upset after the phone call and even started to question if I should be a mum.

They find it hard to believe you are capable - is not saying you are a bad mum or not capable - they are just looking inot your situation as some people sadly take advantage. You are a mum and I would bet you do your very best for your DC at all times. Am sorry this hurt you - could it be your own doubts that are coming to the surface because of the insensitive way you'v been spoken to?

Well, I can see why you were upset but the person you were speaking to on the phone wasn't out of order to say that, they were just telling you the reason for the delay. It's presumably down to the way the system works, the way the claims are assessed, rather than someone questioning your parenting, it doesn't sound to me like it was offensive towards you. They are just making sure that you are not claiming something you shouldn't be, which is an essential part of their job, as there are lots of fraudulent claims out there.

I'm not sure if it was out of order or not - it sounds it, but I'm not sure of the criteria of carer and of DLA claimant.

If they are out of order, however, it should all go through nicely.

If not, well, then, they are pricks, I reckon!

YANBU

Just to add, last I heard DLA was not because you couldn't work, it was because you were disabled. Careres allowance was because you were a carer. So the two are separate things and not mutually interchangeable...

Yep, Tatty DP gets DLA and works.

But surely to claim CA it should be you doing the caring for your DS and not your DDs?

I imagine they just want to clarify the extent of your disability; remember that all they have is the forms, pieces of paper. They don't see you or know the extent to which you are disabled.

It's nothing to do with working/not working - it's probably to do with ensuring that you are claiming CA appropriately because theoretically if you are disabled enough yourself to be eligible for DLA then you may not physically be able to care for another individual.

Bear in mind that their job is to assess eligibility for certain benefits, and they are not casting aspersions on your ability to parent a child.

The reason I claim CA is because my dd's are under 16 and cannot claim it for themselves. Because my ds gets middle rate care DLA and is under 16 CA is awarded to me because I am the person with parental responsibility. I didn't claim CA until my lone parent advisor told me that it was to help pay for any care he needed and not for caring for him (eg paying for a day centre placement so that the carer can do other things) and that because I get DLA middle rate care it was possible for another person to claim CA for me even if that person did not live at the same address as me (www.direct.gov.uk explain it better)
The CA I get is deducted from my other benefits and I use it to pay for ds to go to various clubs and also for dd's to go out and do what they like to do (dance lessons or ice skating)
As for needing more evidence for my DLA claim the DWP already have a full medical reports from not only my GP but my hospital consultant and even their own medical officers stating that lupus nephritis is a progressive illness with no cure and that because of kidney invovement it can be life threatening and based on these reports awarded me DLA in 2006 for 5 yrs. Nothing has changed for me healthwise except that I have now been told I also have Hypermobility.
The reason why the comments made hurt so much is because I was told it would be difficult to have children and then after I had them and my condition got worse my own mother told me I wouldn't be able to care for them properly and now I feel she isn't the only person to think this after what I was told.

Its time for your claim to be reviewed anyway.
You know they are being really strict now, which is why they are looking into everything because there are a few people defrauding.
I honestly don't think they are in any way implying you are a bad mum, you sound like a lovely caring mum.
I think they have just hit a raw nerve after what your mum has said to you and not meant it in the way you think.

i dont know your personal circumstances but i do know that a friend of mine who has ms and has been on dla for over 10yrs had the same thing said to her.
she was very upset by the way in which it was said and not because it was said. she also claims ca for her child and while her own claim for dla was being looked at she was asked why was she claiming to be disabled if she was caring for a disabled child they couldnt both have a disability.
she couldnt believe what she was hearing to her it sounded like she was being told that if she was disabled she shouldnt have a child because she wouldnt be able to look after herself let a lone a child with or without a disability.
as it happens she only claims ca because her husband works to many hours a week to claim it himself so a claims advisor from dwp said that she should claim it in her name.
people who live together as a married couple can claim ca for each other so long as they both have middle or high rate care dla even if they dont actually "care" for each other it is paid for what you need not what you do yanbu