Partner with BIPOLAR, 1 DS, DSS, moving house and baby on the way! I cant cope anymore!!!

[babybumpx]

I really dont know where to start today, i feel like my life is constant calamity! My partner had a Manic Episode last year and came home from admitted to hospital in October, I dont know much about this but there were question marks around diagnosis!?

I thought that once hes home, after a few weeks he will be fine and he was, he came with us to Disney for my sons birthday, he coped very well, christmas was lovely, he started looking for a new job with great success, I find out we are pregnant.....!!!

I am now 4 and half months, due to move house in April, still looking for appropriate property to rent! My DSS lives with us, doesnt really see his Bio Mother!

My DP called text me yesterday from work asking me to call him so I did, he said he was having a massive panic attack and cant do it, he's not on any medication, he's not sleeping well either as worrying about moving, to which i say dont as i'm sorting it all out and he doesnt need to, ive been through enough in my life and a housemove is nothing to me.

So he came home in a right state, saying he cant cope, he cant ever work, and then saying we are F*ed financially! constantly saying how bad it all is, how ill he feels, he's constantly having these anxiety/panic attacks.

I asked him tonight to stay at his mums as I need to focus on Jack, my DSS was having a sleep over there anyway and because my DP is so needy right now, i cant cope with it all, my son needs me too, I went through a serious personal situation last year which could have completely ruined our lives so im very sensitive around my sons stability and security, i feel really bad for passing him on to his mum!! its only til tomorrow but even then i feel like i need a few days to get my head together so I can deal with it all, he's seeing the doctors tomorrow so hopefully a plan is put in place.

Am I being unreasonably for just wanting stability and security for my children and to feel like i cant be the strong one when ive been vulnerable myself and I need someone too, so who will I have when DP is sucking my energy??

Please help if you have experienced this or you have an opinion

please be gentle with me but be straight.

xx

YANBU to deal with it however you need to. I'm sorry you are under so much pressure - remember, this too shall pass! In a few months you will be living in a nice place with a lovely new baby :)

Hi I am type 1 bipolar and currently pg amd off meds. I was sectioned in September. Why is he not on meds does he know without them he will likely have another episode?

Am I being unreasonably for just wanting stability and security for my children and to feel like i cant be the strong one when ive been vulnerable myself and I need someone too, so who will I have when DP is sucking my energy??

Nope. You need to try and access some support for DH to take the pressure off you - it's too much for one person to deal with.

The Mental health Team are not so good! when he mentioned about coming off his meds they didnt say anything???

I feel to blame for this as I never knew, plus ive been treated him normally apart from nagging him more than id like due to his vulnerability mistaking it for being a pussy! telling him to man up!! I feel so terribly bad for that now....Crawling does any of this sound similar to you, i really am in dispair at the moment, i guess i need to know what to do and can we have a normal family life with work etc....im the type of women to want to provide for my family with my DP and have a holiday abroad a year, go skiing with the boys, have a nice home, good jobs that we enjoy, right now all i can see is heart ache and upset.

Im sorry for sounding so selfish, i hope someone can understand me or if not then i must be a total bitch and not realise it

x

One of my dearest friends has bipolar so I do understand.

He needs meds and he needs to take them.

Sounds as though you're in a spot of denial + panic yourself. Hardly surprising given everything else that's going on.

It also sounds as though a number of stress factors, all at the same time, have tipped him off balance.

He needs to see a GP, and probably medication - though I AM NO DOCTOR.

I'm sure all will be fine in the long term. Friends on medication have normal lives - it's not the end of the world.

One thing at a time - good night's sleep for you; keeping things stable for you; him to GP; then on with the house-hunting.

His whole "I can't work, ever. Everything's impossible" sounds like the (dealable with, treatable) anxiety talking.

he is seeing his doctor tomorrow, from the mental health team, I am going to try and get some sleep, tomorrow is another day.

thank you for your advice, xx

Sorry you are having a rough time.

Please try to encourage your DP to talk frankly and assertively re: his needs at his appt. tomorrow. In my experience (as a user of MH services and as a worker in MH), you do have to 'shout' and fight your corner to get what you need sometimes. It really should not be like this, but it is.

Have you considered asking for a carers assessment for you? Any MH professional worth their salt should be considering YOUR needs too. You should be able to access a variety of services/initiatives to support you, don't be afraid to ask.

Take care of yourself.

is he under a consultant and does he have a cpn [ am a mental health nurse] if so contact them immediatly for advice the mental health team cannot enforce medication on him in community and will only consider bringing him into hospital if he is a danger to himslf or others complicated i know, does he have a diagnosis of a mood disorder or has he just had an episode medication can be very successful but not everything works for everybody if he is nt under consultant make sure gp refers him immediatley and express your concerns we have a carer support team in my trust but aware this may not be available in all areas ,s [ ask about it ] in an emergency if its out of hours there should always be a psychiatrist based in all accidents and emergency ,s at least a duty one if he has a cpn they should be able to advise you hope this helps

Thank you all for your advice and help, he successfully went to see his Doctor and yes his Mental health carer was present, they have prescribed him with sleep medication which also has a pick me up in it for the day time.

His boss also asked to see him and has offered to keep his job for him as he a valued member of their team!! they also told him that they are very impressed with his work so that is a massive boost for him considering he was so insecure about not getting it right, he was just panicing and feel anxious, especially as we need to move and have a baby on the way! its all stress for him where as im not fazed.

He is staying with his mother tonight until tomorrow and then i will organise something for us both, even if its just a walk in a nice park hand in hand with an ice cream :) im sure that wil help him as hes also so scared im going to leave him! which is not going to happen, im ok, as long as i can see a positive light to focus on i will aim for it.

Thank you all again :) xx

My partner has bipolar. We had a dreadful 18 months as my partner wanted to control bipolar using natural means. It didn't work! Medication has been a godsend. My partner is now stable and we have a great life together.

I assume he hasn't been prescribed a mood stabiliser because of the questions about the diagnosis. I haven't really got any advice beyond what are you doing. He really needs to know if it is bipolar or not - because if it is, medication would make an amazing difference.

Panic attacks are horrendous and the impending move and baby will be causing him a lot of anxiety, as he will feel it is pressure on him to be able to work.

He needs if possible CBT that deals with panic attacks, however facing things head on is a good way to move forward if you do panic.

I hope things work out well for you.

Thank you...he is in a much better place now, started meds on thursday, hes now back at work and had a good day :)

His doctor feels that therapy wouldnt be right for him?? goodness knows why, i know that right now its not right as needs to be completely stabilized ons meds but that isnt to say that in a months time it wont be!?

Thank you for all your advice