to be a little annoyed about this dog...?

[DewinDoeth]

OK, so, to start with, I don't really like dogs. Not scared of them, just indifferent - I am never going to be a dog owner!

I do, however, love my DB, who doesn't live locally any more, and my DS (2.8) loves him too, and loves doing rough play and all sorts. (DS spends lots and lots of time with women, and he only has 2 uncles - BIL, whom he adores, and DB, who he sees less often but adores seeing him).

This weekend, we're going to see some friends in the midlands, and visiting a place, a stately home (with our friends) just by where my DB and SIL live. DB loves having visitors and loves his DN, so said we must call by - which was the plan. So, we arranged: visit friends on Friday, stay over, travel to stately home, go from there to DB's house, stay with them then head back home (3hours or more) on the Sunday.

DB and SIL have got themselves a dog. A puppy. I am trying to be open minded, but we now can't stay with them on the Saturday night because they need to give their puppy the attention. (Seriously!!) Apparently the puppy is very much like a baby and cries at night.

So, in an attempt to be understanding (and really, I have to try hard, because I don't like dogs and I do know about babies and they're just, well, a bit different!!) I said ok, we'll scrap the plans and just go straight home. But no, DB is now upset - he wants us to visit, preferably on the Sunday, and he wants us to meet his dog, but not stay with them - so we have the option of (a) going to his town on the Saturday, then going back to our friends' 1 hour away, then back to his town Sunday (1 hour, plus off our usual route) and then home. Seriously limits DS's time with his favourite uncle as well.

Or we stay in a hotel in order to meet this dog see DB, but we're broke, and it seems odd to stay in a B&B round the corner from my brother because of a dog.

So, our preferred plan is to leave after visiting DB's town (he can't come out because the dog isn't allowed out yet). We could visit him for a short while - maybe an hour or so - but DB wants longer than that.

WWYD? AIBU?

And really sorry about my cold-heartedness towards dogs...

LOL! Maybe I should join forces with this puppy guy. How bad can it be?!

DB and SIL don't have children, and I gather that they probably won't, out of choice - SIL doesn't really want children. (Their issue, not mine, and it's not my business anyway - in fact, I fully support SIL whatever happens.)
Strikes me, though, that the dog is a PFD - well done Engelbert for making me realise why I'm so miffed about it.

Now off to deal with the fact that I'm jealous of a puppy...

Why can´t you stay?

Is it because crying pup/them getting up to see to it will disturb you?

If that´s the issue & it doesn´t bother you, let them know.

They've got a puppy! You HAVE to go and see the puppy! Then your DS can pester you for a puppy!

(disclaimer: I really like puppies)

Dear Jesus! I have 2 dogs, and although there are a few similarities to having a toddler when they are puppies that is no reason to un invite you!

Your brother needs to get a life - oh and also some advice on how to crate train the puppy so that it sleeps at night.

How old is the puppy?
What breed is it?
Do they have a crate?
Lastly, do they have a clue?

the first week we had our dog it cried at night and was a nuisance - but agree with diddl.

its important that puppy's get used to all sorts of different experiences and apparently there's only a short window of a few weeks when they are young for this to happen. i would welcome you, as its a chance for puppy to get used to children.

be warned - at this age a puppy can nip - this is its way of saying please play with me - its how it gets its sibblings to play. might be worth warning your child that its just being playful

They are being beyond ridiculous. Why can't you stay FFS? Tell them you'll take earplugs. But then, I don't like dogs either!

I think if your DB doesn't want any kids but makes an effort for your DS, then you should make an effort with the dog. Bring it chews and toys and make a fuss.

Do they stay in a small house/flat and the puppy being up in the night would automatically wake you up? I'd just say what diddl suggested.

Is it that he's worried about it disturbing you guys/shitting all over the floor with a child running about?

(wild guesses - I'm not a dog fan either)

TBH, DD and I went to stay with my BIL and his family a few weeks ago. We both love cats and they have two - great, I thought.

The 2 cats were an absolute pita overnight. Scratching outside the door and trying to rattle their way through the interconnecting cupboard between the room we were staying in and the DN's room.

Every 3/4 of an hour or so they'd scratch or rattle, wake DD up and not being used to animals making noises at night she'd hurtle across the room into bed with me.

That said I think your DB is being pretty unreasonable expecting you to fork out for a B & B just so you can meet a puppy.

Apparently it's because the dog cries at night. But hey, so do newborns - don't have one of them right now but I will do soon; and I've had a newborn before!
So, it's been sold to me (by DB) as DB being thoughtful of us and our sleep - but the dog stays downstairs, we sleep upstairs, and so I struggle to see how bad it can be! And we're happy with earplugs.

Apparently they're training it (hence not allowed upstairs - thank God, I wouldn't stay if it was allowed upstairs!). They do have a stairgate and it's confined to the hallway at night.
Breed - ok, so I know v. little, but it has a double-barrelled name (breed, that is ) like weimaster or something like that? It's small and white, and apparently hypoallergenic because SIL is allergic to dogs and cats. (And yes, , but not my business I guess!)

So would I be very wrong to say that we can visit DB (I mean, I do want to see him and SIL!) but really we need to stay over - I will explain the problems, and if it's still no (and I do suspect something isn't being said, eg they want to be all lovey dovey with their new dog family situation - they're both off work for 2 weeks for this dog!) then I'll explain it's going to have to be some other time, it just won't be helpful to rush around, travel loads etc. I'm pg at the moment and knackered.
I also think it might be helpful for DS, who seems to be scared of dogs - this one will be small and non-scary (hopefully not too nippy though) and with someone he adores etc etc.

Panda I did snigger - but you are a very kind-hearted person. And you're right, I need to make more of an effort with DB and SIL's feelings. I will get the doggie a little present now. (It's my first dog nephew!)

It´s your brother-why would you be wrong to say you don´t mind & will happily stay over if possible?

If they´re are both having two weeks off it obviously means a lot to them.

Any chance that she can´t have children & doesn´t want to tell anyone so says that they don´t want any instead?

well, a Weimeraner or a Labradoodle could be the breed. But Wei's arent usually white...

Tell your DB to get the puppy a crate and crate train it. Then everyone gets a decent sleep.

What a peculiar man.

But it's no reason to be annoyed with the dog. I'm sure it's not the dog who changed the plans! :o

I love dogs, mine and anyone else's come to that are the centre of my world, but even I can't get my head around it all. The only thing I could tink of is that your DB is concerned that your toddler son will mishandle the pup... but that doesn't make sense as if he did feel that way surely he wouldn't be inviting you at all?

You find it odd but actually they are to be credited for taking time off work to settle the pup in... I hope that they've got care lined up for him when they're back at work.

Is it possible that you are a little irked because SIL prefers dogs to children?

BTW, the only small, white, non-shedding or not-s-bad-at-shedding breed with a double barrelled name I can think of off the top of my head is a Shih Tzu or possibly a West Highland :)

diddl I should have worded it better - I'm thinking no staying over = no visit this time. Too harsh?

The whole no children thing - hm, it's complex (and also not my business at all) but from all conversations I've had with them, SIL doesn't want children - or rather, she's not quite decided one way or another but isn't going to give it a go and find out, once she has a baby, that no, she definitely doesn't want children! I'm 99% sure they've never tried - I don't think there's any issues. DB is very open about stuff like this.
My DB has always been a boy - from when he was quite little - who wants children, and loves babies, toddlers, little animals etc. Great with kids. He's very sensitive (believe me he was bullied as a young teen!) - so I've always been surprised at that situation but he loves SIL, and that's the deal. [Mind you, I say sensitive but he can be blindingly selfish sometimes - I'm not saying he's perfect! He loves DS, is great with him, but sometimes wants DS to fit around him IYKWIM, which a 2.6 yo won't understand - but that's DB not getting it either.]
But it's not my business. I will say, though, that DB told me they were getting a dog and 'often people who have dogs have children soon after'!! I checked whether he'd been told about where babies come from...

BeerTricksPotter !

"I will say, though, that DB told me they were getting a dog and 'often people who have dogs have children soon after'!"

Oh shit! Tell him not to even think about it! :o Dogs are SO much easier, cleaner, better behaved... take it from someone who has both children AND dogs! :o

BeerTricks didn't know that. (About the piercing loud cries.) Maybe more discussion with DB is needed!

Valhalla see, now I may be unreasonable through ignorance - I was amazed that they were taking time off, and yes! They are getting someone in twice a day to help the dog after they're back at work!! So they're clearly aiming to be good owners - which I do respect.
SIL and children - well, she doesn't interact much with DS, but I can't judge her because I don't interact with dogs either! But maybe the problem is that I don't understand why she would prefer dogs to children (or rather my own child because to say 'I love children' would be a vast generalisation and basically untrue... but my own one is perfect, obv. ). But then she may well think I'm rather weird, a freak, in having a second baby.

Breed - I looked at the 'here's our new dog' e-mail, and it does look a little bit like a West Highland, but I'm not sure it is one. It has clipped hair (or was it born that way?) and it's definitely white.

LOL! Maybe that's the root of my issue! I should have had a dog!

vallhala hilarious! I have 2 children and 2 dogs. The dogs (young dogs at that) are sometimes a PITA but and this is the clincher! Dogs DO NOT talk back! My dogs ALWAYS love me, never cross with me and dont invite their friends round.

Oh, no-just tell him that if you can´t stay, you´ll have to visit some other time-not harsh.

We can´t all be affording hotels/b&b & the like!

I would just be honest and say that if you are not able to stay with them, it isn't feasible to visit on this occasion - explain about lack of money to hire a room, etc.

Yes they are being OTT, but tbh at least they realise how much work a puppy takes. Puppies will often cry at night at the beginning and it can be very loud. And puppies demand constant attention. Too many people don't have a clue when they first take on a puppy.

I prefer dogs to children. I think that rationally I should produce a child some time soon, but I don't want one the way I wanted my dog (and still want more dogs, ideally a whole house full of great big furry delightful dogs). I just seem to get on better with dogs than humans.

People are all different. I believe some actually prefer cats

Puppies really can be a lot of work (and make a lot of noise and mess), they're probably not exaggerating about that, and maybe they don't want the disruption when they're trying to get the pup settled in a night-time routine. No it's not the same as babies but it is similar in some ways!