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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to expect more support from work when pregnant?

47 replies

modmum79 · 22/03/2011 21:47

AIBU or am I right to expect my work to offer me some level of support whilst I'm pregnant? Am 28 weeks pg and do a stressful job, managing staff and meeting hefty targets. I work in a really male dominated environment, and from the moment I've told them I'm pregnant I've had no support at all from my work- even though I've found things really tough, and getting tougher every day.

The deadlines keep piling up, I'm exhausted, and end up crying in the loos most days, which is pathetic, but the state that things have got in. And yet at work I'm constantly being reminded that pregnancy is no excuse to let up. My boss doesn't even acknowledge that I'm pregnant and it makes me furious that they expect so much from me and give so little back.

OP posts:

trixie123 · 22/03/2011 22:43

agree with others that have said you need to address it officially. Have a meeting with HR or your boss to discuss exactly what the issues are and how you can make some adjustments to accomodate both their needs and yours. In my work, I have asked for one or two room changes so I don't have to climb 4 sets of stairs and toward the end (last time) was excused roaming around the school on duty right toward the end. It isn't an illness and obviously if its gets to the point where you can't cope then you may have to start Mat leave earlier than planned but it DOES affect different people in different ways. Just generally moaning that they should be more understanding does come across badly as "hormonal" or wanting special treatment and will elicit unsympathetic responses but if you go in with a plan of potential strategies you will appear much more professional and as though your priority is still fulfilling your role for them.

squeakytoy · 22/03/2011 22:48

Don't sweat over targets that won't be met. Your primary responsibility is to your child and yourself

No, it isnt, in the workplace, the primary responsibility is to those who pay your wages. If the workload is more than you can cope with, then you need to rethink your capabilities for doing the job. It is reasonable to expect an employer to make allowances for your comfort, and health and safety, but not to expect other people to do your work for you. They would not be getting paid any extra for it, so you really cannot expect them to do it either.

Want2bSupermum · 22/03/2011 23:59

What is important is that the job gets done and its done well. As the manager you to figure out a way to meet your targets using your resources (ie the people working for you). If they are not going to do the work then you need to address this with your boss now and find a way to fix the problem (mention to the guys working for you that you are doing appraisals before you go on maternity leave). Your boss doesn't give a rats ass as to how the work gets done. That is why I suggest you start delegating under the guise of training for the handover. This is a great way for you show leadership and management skills.

Another thing to remember is that your employer is probably giving you the work to do now so things are done before you go on maternity leave. It's like when you go on holiday and work overtime the week before so you leave a clean desk.

Finally, when the next female in the office announces they are pregnant don't forget your experience. Offer to help and speak to their boss if you see them being treated unfairly.

huddspur · 23/03/2011 00:05

YABU To be honest if you're not involved in any kind of manual work then they shouldn't have to make allowances for you. The fact you are preganant doesn't change your targets and nor should it.

Goldenbear · 23/03/2011 01:09

YANBU. Your employer has to by law comply to health and safety legislation that exists to protect pregnant women within the workplace. The risk assessment which they are obliged to carry out would have to assess the risk of excessive hours or Stress to the mother on the health of the unborn baby. Huddspur, You are therefore wrong to suggest the OP's concerns are only relevant if her job mainly involves physical labour!

Squeakytoy, what a perverse thing to say, i have never met a pregnant woman who prioritises her job over her unborn baby!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2011 09:30

OP... Sorry that you feel so sad. I don't really understand what you mean when you say 'support'? It's a catch-all word that covers a little or a lot of things.

Your boss is probably very much aware that if he - or the team - treats you any differently than they did before, they could be entering a legal minefield. They are following the tried and tested route of not treating you differently.

Are you ill? Do you feel unable to do your job? If so, in what way? If you could pinpoint the issues that you feel could do with some specific input from your boss and colleagues, it's something you could speak to them about - calmly.

Don't follow the advice of the poster who suggested going off sick, it's bad advice and does a huge disservice to all employers and all women, pregnant or not.

HipHopopotomus · 23/03/2011 09:30

When I've been struggling at times through both PG's, been a bit stressed, I've had Doctors offer to sign me off sick with at least 6 weeks to go (without me asking for it). I didn't take them up on it (was actually a bit ) and I wouldn't (unless it was really really necessary) as I wouldn't leave my excellent employer in the lurch - but if they were behaving unreasonably towards me I might be tempted. I did let them know what the Doc said though, just so we all know there is an alternative universe hovering quite close should I need it.

If your employers are being unreasonable, why not let them know your Doc has suggested signing you off due to stress and see if they change their attitude & approach to you.

Hammy02 · 23/03/2011 09:34

Are you being paid the same as you were before? I assume so. Why would they pay you the same money for less output?

Habbibu · 23/03/2011 10:18

Hammy, modifications to working conditions don't necessarily imply less output - quite possibly the opposite.

BetsyBoop · 23/03/2011 10:30

OP I can't believe some of the harsh responses on here

I expect most of them have never been in your shoes though...

Your OP could have been mine when I was pregnant with DD. I was a senior manager, in a high pressure role where 10+ hour days were the norm. Before I was pregnant I coped with all the stress & pressure just fine. I found it totally exhausting when I was pregnant though & was regularly in tears. I got zero support. I ended up having to finish work a month earlier than planned as my BP went sky high (funnily enough my BP settled down to an acceptable level when not at work!) which caused them a load of hassle as they still hadn't got my replacement sorted (they'd only had six months notice...)

Just do what you can & put yours & your baby's health & well being first.

Not sure my post has helped much, I just wanted to give you an un-mumsnetly-hug & say I empathise :)

wonkeydonkies · 23/03/2011 10:32

why do you want special treatment cos you are up the duff?

women want equality, not to be treated speshul

meditrina · 23/03/2011 10:42

Two bits of one of the posts stood out to me:

"Yes really they're treating me the same as before I suppose".

"....have never received a firm response saying it was fine for me to do it - just a sense that whatever I do rests on my shoulders,"

It's entirely reasonable for them to treat a worker in the same way as before. Modmum: I think you need to talk to them again about the arrangements you want, and elicit a clear decision on what they can accommodate as part of a mutually acceptable solution. But at the end of the day, they are employing you for your work output, and there is no right to flexible working (even once the baby is born, the right exists only to request it, and have it properly considered).

I hope it works out for you.

mayorquimby · 23/03/2011 10:44

"Yes really they're treating me the same as before I suppose."

Then yes to my mind yabu completely.

coco2901 · 23/03/2011 10:46

If you are really stuggling acan you not offer to use some annual leave to drop a few hours a week? Or go on mat leave early?

I do sympathise as I'm 36weeks pregnant myself and currently sat at my desk, getting ready totake clients to lunch before a massive meeting this afternoon, I'm still working 50+ hours a week and intend to do so until the very end... I'm afraid I'm one of those women who is making it hard for you as I'd be horrified if my boss suggested I wasnt coping (even though at times I feel that I am not) My view is that I chose to get pregnant, if I expect them to continue to pay me as much as before and keep all the same rights/benefits and before then its fair enough for them to expect me to perform at the same level as before. However, they are a nice bunch and I know if I asked to work from home a bit etc then they wouldn't have any problem with it...

x2boys · 23/03/2011 17:10

i got little support whilst pregnant they did a risk assessment without me and i kept being put in dangerous situations [ work in mental health] and expected to get on with it thats the nhs for you went off sick eventually at 32 weeks as i needed to protect me and my baby

SooooCynical · 23/03/2011 17:27

Why does pathways assume the managers are men???

catzcream · 23/03/2011 17:34

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I too work in a male dominated target driven environment. If you suddenly start treating a pregnant woman differently, it is a slippery slope. Is the company stripping her of responsibilities? If you get support, should you get all the commissions? etc etc. The male counterparts ask why (simply) because of pregnancy, someone is having to pull their weight less.

It can cause an absolute nightmare for all involved and no one is a mind reader. I had a salesperson deliver the biggest numbers of anyone in her team when she was 6 months pregnant, should the company have assumed she wasnt up to it?

If you are struggling, you need to raise this officially and then the company will address it.

justpaddling · 23/03/2011 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moomaa · 23/03/2011 17:48

ok I sympathise BUT having been a line manager I have seen people carrying on 'as normal' under all kinds of stresses that the rest of the team weren't aware of, bereavement, cancer etc and they did it because at the end of the day they believed they are paid to do the job (btw the organisation would have been understanding if they had have needed time away). I do think it is reasonable that you make sure you take regular breaks etc but you still have to do your job. If you are incapable then you need to go sick.

It is only 2 or 3 weeks before you can go on maternity leave so you can have a rest then.

karmakameleon · 23/03/2011 17:59

I really think you need to ask for more support. If you ask and they won't provide it, then YANBU and you need to seriously consider going to you GP as it sounds like you are making yourself sick.

Also I think it's in their interests to allow you to wind down. They must have identified your maternity cover by now and you should be handing over work to them for when you are away. I think you need to sell this to them on those terms. If they don't start taking work off you now and starting the handover process, it's them that will be up shit creek when you go on leave.

MistyB · 24/03/2011 12:08

I assumed as pathways probably did that the "male dominated" quote meant that most of the people OP works with are male. Possibly incorrect assumption but reasonable based on info I think.

toobreathless · 24/03/2011 13:36

OP, I think some of the responses here are rather harsh. Your employer has to make 'reasonable adjustments' for your pregnancy. I suggest you make an appt to see your manager, complete a risk assesment & see if you could find a solution to suit you both. Could you shorten your weeks with annual leave? Or work a half day a week from work?

I am 38/40 and still working full time as a doctor in a busy hospital. My employer has done the following for me: stopped nights at 28/40, split my on call weekends so I work one saturday one weekend then the Sunday the next rather than twelve straight days.
I hope things improve for you.

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