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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit embarassed by my boss' lack of subtlty?

14 replies

DrSeuss · 22/03/2011 20:10

I go on maternity leave in two weeks (Yay!). Last Thursday, it was announced that, unless people leave/retire of their own accord, there will be redundancies at my workplace. Yesterday my boss did what she always does on the occassion of someone leaving/having a baby/marrying, namely put an envelope in everyone's pigeon hole, with my name on it, the recipient's name, a date by which it must be returned and how much to put in the envelope (£5). I have always found this annoying and am quite embarassed that it was done on my behalf, especially in the light of Thursday's news. One of my colleagues is a single mother, one has a disabled wife and so only one income, all are worried for their jobs. Am I alone in finding this a)tactless and b) odd? I would far rather they took up a collection and people put in what they wished. Any gift would be lovely, no matter how small.

OP posts:

hardhatdonned · 22/03/2011 20:11

Very odd, we just sling an envelope round with the card in and a list of everyone in the offices' names stuck to the envelope you sign it and put what you want in.

150 people and collections tend to average out at about £50 which is plenty for a gift imo.

FourFortyFour · 22/03/2011 20:13

You could tell everyone you don't want any money but thank you for the offer.

whatagradeA · 22/03/2011 20:14

Oh how awful! Regardless of the redundancy announcement, it's vile to tell people how much they must offer as a gift to anyone!

We did the same as hardhat - an envelope was passed round for contributions.

saffy85 · 22/03/2011 20:14

Eeek! Don't like that, redundancies or not! No one should be obliged to hand over any kind of gift- should be a choice.

MaisyMooCow · 22/03/2011 20:22

How odd, never heard of doing a collection that way before. I think it's a pretty poor show considering the redundancy announcement.

We circulate an envelope and a card so people can discreetly add what they want or can afford to contribute. I think it's quite rude to state how much someone should contribute especially as everyone has their own financial situations to deal with and may not be able to afford it.

MadamDeathstare · 22/03/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Makingaminime · 22/03/2011 20:40

collections are ok but I wouldn't be very happy at being told how much to put in! I am in an ok financial position but still see £5 as rather a lot to put in a colleague's card... and I don't really like being dictated to about it!

I don't really know what you can do other than ask your boss to take off the "compulsory" amount, I'm sure people will want to contribute regardless of fear about their jobs, but it should be a choice!

activate · 22/03/2011 20:43

Blitz email

say you're making a stand as you've always been uncomfortable - say that you appreciate everyone's good wishes but really would prefer it if people didn't do a collection

thank you all

see you for drinks?

5Foot5 · 22/03/2011 20:48

I have never come across a collection where people are told how much to contribute. Also the fact that it is individual named envelopes will make people feel that they can't give less as it will be easily identifiable.

This is a very weird and tactless way to do things IMO. Also £5 does seem like quite a lot. Maybe I am a meanie but I never chip in more than about £2 to things like that.

I agree with activate - take this opportunity to let everyone know you are not happy with the arrangement and that their good wishes will be enough. After all you will be away for a bit anyway so if your boss is miffed so what and you will be doing everyone else a favour now and in the future.

WidowWadman · 22/03/2011 20:58

The rudeness of prescribing how much to spend aside, isn't it just a massive waste of envelopes and time labelling them?

Original poster

DrSeuss · 23/03/2011 09:55

My boss is Monica from friends. Time spent with her label maker could never be wasted!

OP posts:

Clytaemnestra · 23/03/2011 09:58

We have to give 3 pounds per birthday collection. It's extremely annoying, even though it's not much money at all it always seems to come round and use up all my change.

Quenelle · 23/03/2011 10:01

That's awful. I usually have to organise the collections here. I just circulate a card and a brown envelope, asking people to sign the card and contribute 'if - and how much - they want to'. There is never any pressure to contribute.

If I were you I would definitely put the word about that it would make me uncomfortable to accept a collection in light of the latest news. Perhaps do it subtly though, so you don't undermine or embarrass Monica.

Anonymousbird · 23/03/2011 10:04

I gave my gift to charity, I found it so embarrassing. When I knew they were doing a collection (despite me clearly saying, very kind but please don't bother) I simply said, then don't buy anything, I am giving the money to X charity that I support. Which I did. I told them up front that this is what I would do with any donations, so no one donated under false pretences.

But they had no pressure to sign/contribute or give any particular amount. Everyone's circumstances are completely different.

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