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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my Dad to pay for drivig lessons?

33 replies

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 18:35

We're broke. To the point that buying a pair of tights isn't an easy decision. However a driving licence would massively increase my chances of promotion in my field.

I'm usually a very independant person - I do and always have paid my own bills.

The thing is, a few years ago my Dad gave me a birthday present of a card with an IOU for driving lessons. They have never materialised.

I would never consider asking him if he couldn't afford it. For many years he has been on a very good salary, he has paid off his mortage and goes on several holidays year. I'm not begrudging him any of this - he worked dam hard for it all and deserves it. He's now retired and his pension is almost double our income.

The lack of a driving licence is holding me back but there is no way I can afford to do anything about it on my own.

Am I being a spoilt brat?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 22/03/2011 18:36

If he has promised you in the past then there is no harm in asking. I would worry about affording the car, insurance, upkeep, etc though.

TheVisitor · 22/03/2011 18:36

If he's offered to pay in the past, then just ask. The worst he can do is say no.

emsyj · 22/03/2011 18:36

If he gave you an IOU as a birthday gift then YANBU to ask if you can cash it in IMO.

PrincessScrumpy · 22/03/2011 18:36

Just ask him if the IOU still stands as it would be a really good time to do it now but you're not in a position to pay for it. If he says yes then great but if he says no, don't fall out over it. Simple. Good luck.

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 18:37

Car would be provided via work. I'm not looking at buying one any time soon.

OP posts:
TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 22/03/2011 18:37

no of course you are not a spoilt brat

he has offered

Just ask him if the offer is still open

BeerTricksPotter · 22/03/2011 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2011 18:39

You're not being a spoilt brat as he's said he'd like to pay for some but has got waylaid.

Could you just mention you'd love to learn to drive and he might remember?

If you struggling to afford tights though, how would you get a car/insurance/tax etc?

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 22/03/2011 18:40

He gave you an IOU for driving lessons... either he has been lovely and didn't want to pressure you into it until you are ready, or he's been less than brilliant and not given you the money/asked you who you want them through (if he's worried you'll spend it on something else!) but either way, as you have an IOU for some driving lessons it's completely reasonable to ask him to pay for them!

Would you get a company car? If not, can you afford to run one? Anyway, driving is a good skill to have so you should go for it!

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2011 18:42

That's great getting one via work, as TheVisitor says, he can always say no.

Go for it Smile

valiumredhead · 22/03/2011 18:43

The upkeep of a car is massive and petrol is a fortune - if you find tights a hard decision the price of petrol will Shock you!

YANBU to ask your dad but be prepared for him to disappoint given his track record.

Driving is great though so hopefully he'll say yes!

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 18:44

Hints won't work - tried that! I'll have to ask him outright and I have not been brought up to ask for help.

I'm looking at driving work-provided cars so the cost of running one myself is a long way in the future.

OP posts:
ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 22/03/2011 18:47

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou (have I mentioned how I hate it when I see your posts?? I always end up with that line of the song going around and around in my head for hours!!!)... it is NOT asking for help telling him you want to cash in your IOU... if he'd given you a jumper for your birthday would you feel bad wearing it? No? Same thing!

grovel · 22/03/2011 18:49

I assume your Dad loves you and would actually be happy to help (IOU or not).

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 18:49

sorry! The song just summed up how I felt on the day I signed up here! Blush

Try singing bye bye miss america pie.... Kills any stuck internal juke box issues!

OP posts:
Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 18:54

My Dad bless him, has always been "careful" with money... Chriest I feel like I'm ten and asking for an ice cream... got butterflies.

OP posts:
ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 22/03/2011 18:59

LOL - yes it does, by putting that daft song in instead Grin

You didn't answer my jumper question Grin

Give me his number, I'll ask him for you!!

Snobear4000 · 22/03/2011 19:00

Your dad should have taught you how to drive. Parents have responsibilities to their kids. Feed them well, make sure they go to school, and teach them the basics, the very basics of life, such as driving, swimming, doing a household budget, cooking, sex education and other such things that an adult needs to get on with in life.

If Dad has failed to teach you to drive, then he owes you the dosh for the lessons.

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 19:03

You're right about the jumper lol!

Next time he's in a good mood and has had booze I may broach it. I think I have the last Victorian Dad!

OP posts:
mmsmum · 22/03/2011 19:03

It's a present, he's probably wondering why you've never asked before

Given the price of public transport you'd probably be cheaper with a car, even with the current price of petrol, and it will allow much greater freedom for work and your social life too

Goblinchild · 22/03/2011 19:07

That's a lot to expect Snobear, I've told my DS he needs to get a job to fund driving lessons. Driving is useful but it's a want, not a need..

Goblinchild · 22/03/2011 19:07

OP, an IOU means he owes you so I'd cash it in. Grin

NinkyNonker · 22/03/2011 19:14

Yanbu, I'm sure he'd like to be of help.

Jude89 · 22/03/2011 19:14

just a heads up, my parents & Grandparents said they'd give me driving lessons for my birthdays and christmasses (18th-21st) (so 8 presents worth of lessons I guess) they gave me £500.

I think I spent abut £1500 on driving lessons (give or take) and I passed first time (£70 for the test £30 for Theory). I inherited a car just before Christmas, insuring it will be another £1000, tax will be £125, so learning to drive and having a car will have cost £2700 and I've never driven it.

On the other hand I feel so much more independent now I can drive!

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 22/03/2011 19:17

I do get the impression that he thought it would be a couple of hundred quid...

OP posts: