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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be absolutely appalled at this?

49 replies

sickoftheholidays · 22/03/2011 16:53

Have just witnessed a mother strap her 18 (ish) month old child into the front of the car with a seatbelt over the top of his stage 1 car seat WHICH HAD THE 5 POINT HARNESS REMOVED!
the car was old, battered and in looked generally shabby which would probably indicate they probably didnt have a lot of spare cash, but really, could they not afford to buy even the cheapest car seat with a proper harness? at first I thought she was just strapping in using the seatbelt while putting the pushchair in the boot, but no, she drove off with him like that.
Is it just me or is this just really lacking in common sense? and how the hell do you damage a car seat harness to the point where it has to be removed?
I really hope someone is going to come and tell me that there is a rational explanation for this, because I just cant see one.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 22/03/2011 16:57

Vomit or poo could cause the straps to be removed. Maybe she was doing the best she could till she got home. A child that size is safest in a 5 point harness but is also big enough for a highback booster so maybe that's what she ws trying to replicate. Tbh though if you didn't try to help her or point out it wasn't the safest thing to do I really don't see why you get to moan about her. You don't know what had happened and you did nothing to help. I'm not wielding a pitchfork on your account.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/03/2011 16:58

I have no idea what the law is with regard to this but the kid had a seatbelt on over a car seat - doesn't this mean it couldn't move?

Whatever the reason I wouldn't be 'appalled' - maybe they're skint? maybe they don't comply with the law? Maybe they don't think its important?

Maybe they were only making a very short journey which I think negates the 'proper car seat' need.

Original poster

sickoftheholidays · 22/03/2011 17:01

hadnt thought of the sick/poo, although personally, I would have rather had poo/sick smell than endangered child.
I had my own 2 kids in the car and no way would I have approached a random stranger and mentioned to her that what she was doing was dangerous, that would be putting myself and my kids at risk, people have been attacked for less round here!

OP posts:

MissusF · 22/03/2011 17:19

I have car seats, that you use with 5 point harnessess, then without, with the seatbelt, then you take the back off and its a booster.

It is meant to be used like that.

Original poster

sickoftheholidays · 22/03/2011 17:49

no, this wasnt that sort, I have that sort myself. It was the smaller version that is 0-4 years and is meant to be used only with a 5 point harness. And this child was no way old enough to be using the booster seat yet anyway. It was babbling mama mama and had soft shoes on so obviously wasnt walking yet. I wasnt staring, but they were in the car right next to me and were putting baby/shopping in the car at the same time as me.
I generally try not to judge anyone until I have been in their situation but I was just amazed that anyone would consider taking a risk like that with a very young child in a car.

OP posts:

trixie123 · 22/03/2011 18:56

is there any chance it was a kiddipro car seat? They look like booster seats and you just use the seatbelt but they have an extra bit that you put over the child's lap that holds them in. You may not have been able to see it from where you were. Shouldn't really be in the front though.

Bogeyface · 22/03/2011 19:01

You would be right to be appalled if there was no car seat at all, but this woman was making an effort to do the right thing, and you dont know for sure what the circumstances were so yes, YABU and v v judgey

kylesmybaby · 22/03/2011 19:04

'i generally try not to judge anyone - REALLY !!

thisisyesterday · 22/03/2011 19:06

no yanbu!!!

it shocks me the risks that some people will take with what is supposedly the most precious thing in their life.

good grief.

thisisyesterday · 22/03/2011 19:08

oh and aside from the utter stupidity and putting her child at great risk of being killed...

it's also illegal.

under 3's HAVE to be in the correct child restraint. one that has no harness is not correct, and one that is not designed to be used with a seatbelt will not be safe with a seatbelt.

the ONLY exception to this is if they are in a licensed taxi or hire car and they are in the REAR of the car.

foreverondiet · 22/03/2011 19:13

Well some people are just stupid. She probably thought it was safe. Perhaps she was from overseas and over there people drive around without car-seats so she thought make-do car seat better than that.

I saw someone strap in a newborn baby into a forward facing car seat.

FWIW I did say something - "excuse me, what a cute baby...but do you realise that babies can't go forward facing until they are around 9-10 months" - she replied saying no she didn't know that, the car seat from her older child and she couldn't remember having another one. It was a one that turns around she'd just forgotten it was supposed to be rear-facing at first. She thanked me for drawing it to her attention, and was upset with herself she'd put her baby at risk.

oldraver · 22/03/2011 22:16

Ive seen someone drive past me with a baby in what looked to be an old battered Group 0, forward facing

JaneS · 22/03/2011 22:19

'Well some people are just stupid. She probably thought it was safe. Perhaps she was from overseas and over there people drive around without car-seats so she thought make-do car seat better than that.'

What the actual fuck? Do you think you're being funny?

HuwEdwards · 22/03/2011 22:20

oh, keep it in your pants. Appalled? So, she took a risk - we all take risks every day. You've no idea of the circumstances.

Hulababy · 22/03/2011 22:26

YANBU

It amazes me how many people will put their child's life in danger by not correctly strapping in their children into age appropriate and well fitted seats.

Have been in an accident with three young children where the car hit the kerb and then rolled. The three toddlers in the back were unhurt entirely due to having correctly fitted, age appropriate car seats. Ths was in times when car seats were less likely to be used. These days there is no excuse.

Hulababy · 22/03/2011 22:28

Surely an 18mo is not ok in a high back booster either?

HuwEdwards · 22/03/2011 22:30

It could have been an emergency. How can someone judge another on the evidence of a very brief snapshot?

SecretNutellaFix · 22/03/2011 22:31

they most certainly are not big enough to use a highback booster without a 5 point harness.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/03/2011 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notyummy · 22/03/2011 22:32

Dragon- I didn't read it as 'being funny.' I travelled fairly widely and it is an absolute fact that there are countries where people do not use child seats for babies/children. It's not a snide or racist comment- just a fact.

Probably not the explanation in this case I would have thought, but difficult to know.

thisisyesterday · 22/03/2011 22:33

because even if it was an emergency it was not the best thing to do. in fact, it was quite stupid.

the child would have been safer in the rear seat to start with. not in the front, in a car seat with no straps ad a seatbelt wrapped round it.

sorry, but it being an emergency doesn't make it ok, or make it less likely that the child would be killed if they happened to have an accident.

Yellowstone · 22/03/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverondiet · 22/03/2011 22:34

"Well some people are just stupid. She probably thought it was safe. Perhaps she was from overseas and over there people drive around without car-seats so she thought make-do car seat better than that"

No I wasn't being funny. My cleaner is from Eastern Europe and she was telling me that in Poland more common for children not to be strapped in etc. And yes some people are stupid and would think an inprovised car seat was ok.

In terms of the comment about highback boosters at 18 months, when DD (aged 7) was 18 months many of the highback boosters available were suitable from 10.5kg, so don't think that using a highback booster at 18 months is that irresponsible. Someone could have bought it 5 years ago for a toddler and not realised that now highback boosters are generally only recommended for over 3s.

DeepPurple · 22/03/2011 22:35

There are some seats that don't have harnesses and are used with the 5seatbelt. They have something over the front of them though. Maybe it was one of those?

PaWithABra · 22/03/2011 22:37

we used to ride on our mothers lap, as did my first born , till they changed the law.

Not such a big deal really.

Unless you crash

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