in not always letting DD win?

[WreckoftheHesperus]

We do a lot of games playing that involves winning and losing e.g. races to put your shoes / seat belt on first, board games, running races etc.

Sometimes DD (3) wins, sometimes I let her win, and sometimes I win; she is invariably a lot keener when I don't win, however. So IABU in winning every now and again? Am I teaching her to lose gracefully , or just being a big old meanie?

Hmm I'm not sure about this. I have a 3 year old who MUST WIN EVERYTHING!!!! and it is very wearing to say the least but I can't be bothered with the spectacular tantrums that occur if he doesn't win absolutely everything. If you are the one who is instigating these 'races' and then deliberately winning 'to teach her to lose gracefully' then YABU. I have yet to meet a 3 year old who can lose gracefully anyway.

I've been thinking about this lately as DP and DD (3) were racing in the park on the weekend (not me I'm 8 months PG) and DP didn't let her always win. They had 5 races and I think DD won 3 of them.

At first I was a bit when he beat her (thinking what a meanie) but then I saw they were both having a great time and DD wasn't getting upset at all, so it was good for her not to win every time. Plus it got DP running - DD is an excellent runner and he had to work for his wins.

I play a silly board game with DD and even though our chances are even I seem to win every time. So occasionally I will cheat to lose, but not always.

So not I don't think YABU at all.

I always say I learnt good sportsman ship from my sister who always wanted to play a particular boardgame even though she always lost.

If DD had a big problem with losing I would probably fix it so she lost more often and got used to it (meanie that I am) and saw that it was fun anyway.

But we are not there yet, so all hypotheticals.

Hmmm, we both instigate races (she is very competitive), and she is an only child so she won't have the opportunity to learn to lose to siblings. She doesn't tend to have tantrums if she loses, just remarks meaningfully that she thought that she was going to win today...

Learning to lose is just as important as learning to win. One of my DBs was particularly bad at the former and Mum used to make us all play a board game called "Sorry" a lot as it is one of those games where you can go from a winning position to being right back at the start in one turn.

He is still a really bad loser though....

Learning to lose is definitely important. They have to realise that they can't win at everything all the time. If you let them win everything what will happen when they are out in the "real world" (e.g. school) and they lose at a game with their friends or they don't get picked to be in the play or don't win at a sports competition etc. I have 2 DDs (6&2) sometimes I let (one or other of) them win but a lot of the time we play the games fair and square, sometimes they win sometimes I do.

dont you know we arent allowed to have losers now

just runners up :)

I MUST be a BIG meanie then, I make sure dd's lose and win equally (as far as possible).

I think being able to cope with that small disappointment and move on to play another game is a valuable life skill. (dd's are 5, 3 and 1)

No YANBU, its a little lesson in life you can't always win.

good, doesn't seem that I'm alone in my meanie mumminess

Me and my DH must be the biggest meanies on the planet. If we played a game and my DS lost, he lost - its always been that way.

Guess what? He got older, grew taller, learned more, learned our awful competitive ways and now he often beats us at things, fair and square and we have some fantastic 4 hour long games of Monopoly.