to be fed up having to call my mother on her rudeness?

[Bogeyface]

Her rudeness in itself pisses me off but its the fact that no matter how often I point it out, she keeps doing it that maddens me more.

She has always been hard work. She is the control freaks control freak. She makes my dads life bloody miserable at times, and growing up was awful. She is a bit of a "but we took you to Stately Homes" mother, totally ignoring how foul she could be.

It came to a head this morning. I nipped round on my way back from the school run she opened the door and snapped "Dont park yourself, we are going out", and went off to get herself sorted. My dad said "Oh hello, what are you on the scrounge for (in a nice way!). Cant offer you a drink I'm afraid as we are off to my eye appointment, but come in for a minute." Do you see the difference?

I said to mum that I had only popped in to see if they wanted anything as I was getting a lift to town and could I pick them anything up. Her response "Well if we did, we could get it ourselves on the way back couldnt we?" Yes, you could, if I had known you were going out, which I didnt.

And she is like this all the time. She seems to expect everyone to know what she is doing, despite getting all funny if you actually ask her what she is up to "Mind your own!" And if she is having a bad day, duck and cover! She very generously shares her bad mood around so everyone gets a bit.

But each time I say "You dont have to be rude!" she will sort of apologise (very sort of!). And then do it all over again. Surely after so many times of me saying that she shouldnt speak to me like that, the message should sink in?! I never ever speak to her the way she speaks to others, particularly me and my dad, she would go into meltdown if I did.

Or should I just suck it up an accept that this is just the way she is?

you should say all of this to her. Be honest!

The thing is Aims, I have! I have said "Please dont speak to me like that, I dont speak to you like that, its rude and I dont appreciate it" and.....nothing! SHe is "my way or the highway" and if you disagree than you are wrong, end of.

ITs hard to reason with someone like that!

Personally, I'd hate my dad asking what I was on the scrounge for - yuck!

She is never going to change. I'd just avoid her when she's in a mood and ask them to come round to yours if they want to see you. She may be in a better frame of mind if she's visiting on her terms.

TBH, I can´t see much of a difference.

Both sound pretty rude.

She didn´t tell you to piss off & I assume by "don´t park yourself" she meant don´t come in & get comfortable.

Neither immediately said "lovely to see you but we´re just off out"

My mother is equally rude. She insists that she isn't and it is my problem. I have given up trying to change her and ignore ignore ignore everthing she says. If she gets too much I make a joke of it to lighten the mood. Basically I use coping mechanisms.

I wouldn't read anything into the "scrounge" comment. My dad does this all the time, or groans and says "not you again", or "did I forget and you still live here"

He thinks he's funny, I did the first 100 times he said it

As for your mum, can you just ignore her entirely? Or would she not notice?

Not much comfort, but some people are just like that. It's nothing to do with you, it's down to them. There's nothing you can do or say that will make them see the light and suddenly become nicer. Kind of sucks if you're related to them though - it doesn't seem bad enough to do somehting so drastic as cutting ties, so you end up stuck with it (can you tell I've been there?)

Next time she's rude to you, calmly ask her why she is unhappy. She's likely to deny it. You could go on to comment that her rudeness could be interpreted as bitterness, frustration and an unwillingness to communicate a problem she is having, so yes, she sounds unhappy. See what her response is.

She could be frustrated/stressed/bored/disappointed by life/feel that she is being used/envious that you are are younger version of her or or it could be because she's under stress or worried about something. Until you ask her, you won't know. Fathers do make odd comments but does the 'scrounge' joke refer to you owing them money or are you reliant upon them for childcare?

Whatever happens, she is your mother, so it's worth trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem. If there's a pattern to it, ask her before you suspect there will be another scene whether there is going to be one. If it's something that she does to make herself seem unpredictable, it will make her see that it is far from it.