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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

really need help please, poor ds

11 replies

welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 09:22

Probably not the right place to post, but I really need quick responses, before I contact the relevant persons. This is very long btw, sorry

Incident happened on way home from school Friday before last. Was walking home, with DD in buggy, and DS 7, along with other mums.
A little boy attacked my nephew, my nephew said to the boys mum "your DS just push me into hedge, and was kicking me" the mums reply? she ignored my nephew. Thankfully nephew lives yards from school, so was home within 2 minutes of incident.
Next, the same little boy, went into someones garden, dragged 2 little boys who were sat on the garden wall [waiting for their mums to catch up], one of the boys run out of garden, to find his mum, the other little boy was pulled to the floor, stood on the chest, repeatedly jumped on, and kicked in the head, by the nasty little boy.
The mother seen it, casually walked into the garden grabbed, her sons arm, walked back up the garden path, saying "my boy is always hitting that kids for some reason". Leaving the other little boy on the floor, never checked he was ok, or even wait for the little boys mum to apologise, explain etc.
By this time I was gobsmacked. Having left the garden with her son in toe, she let him loose again, to run ahead, which he headed straight for my DS and started kicking him
Mother did fook all, I tried catching them up,while the mother casually walked along ignoring what he was doing, I shouted to the little boy to stop, the 2 boys were heading towards a busy road, and I was frightened, one would push the other into the road.

The mother, grabbed her son, and walked off ahead of us [the mum is normally a family friend ]
The following Monday, my nephews mum, and one of the other boys mum, made a complaint to the school regarding this, as this little boy has had numerous previous violence in school, the school had decided to do more than what they had previously [which had been, have a word with mum when picking the boy up]. The school called the mum into school, and they had an official meeting, to which would go on record.
That night my car window was smashed,[the boys nan, lives next door to me]I know the family well so know they were responsible, I assume they thought I was one of the mums who was responsible for talking to the school .Police was called etc, no proof

I notified the school and stated to avoid confrontation, i would be taking my son home from school, at 2.30pm. Which they were supportive about.
However, the mother had decided to leave early to pick her son up, which resulted in confrontation, as the family are known for smashing cars, windows etc,they had gone to their house first that morning.
She denied etc, and we left calmly agreeing to leave it all be. I know they were responsible, but didnt want a war zone everytime I took my son to school.
We parked our car, in different places until FRiday, when we had a family weekend away, was worried about my house while away, but the police officer had assured me, he was working all weekend, so would check it. Also gave a friend the key, she put the hoover on, music etc, to make them think we were home
Nothing happened to house, had a alovely weekend, travelled back yesterday morning, baby was sick in car, DD 12yrs, wiped what she could as we were 5 mins away from house. Arrived home, friend who had key was there. Opened the door [left baby in car seat while I got clean clothes for her, also she was sleeping]
Having sorted clothes etc, went out to get baby, low and behold, the boys nan was outside her house, screming at me, she hit me, wrestled me to the floor etc. Its was so bad, my DD12yo had to step over us to get the baby out of the car. The nan was screaming my son was a bastard, spiteful etc. My son was in the house listening to all of this.friend in my house called the police
After it happened, went back into my house, friend stated my DS, was so frightened, he had run into a gap between the sofa and a sideunit, in a ball and screamed
Police arrested her, she admitted it, cautioned because she aint been in trouble with police since 2001.
I phoned headmaster. Stated what had happened, explained my son is terrified, he told me he was not sure as to what he could do, because it was not the little boy who did it.He was going to contatc council to see what powers they had[which he thinks is nothing]
Phone council [council house btw]. Without even mentioning their names, the officer knew who I was talking about [they massive aggressive reputation] He stated that, I could be moved if I like. However, he stated he was having the family in the end of the week. About the mess in garden, and their general hygiene in the home[house really is extremely bad, they all smell, unwashed, police said they were ruff ruff ruff] He also stated that this family was so close to eviction, but decisions are made during the meeting with the tenants, not before.
Do I send my son back to school, do I move [knowing they are quite possibly going to be evicted anyway]
Im terrified for my son, he weed the bed last night sorry if it confusing, I will clarify things if needed
Add message | Report | Message poster kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 22-Mar-11 08:58:03
Blimey, I think in your situation I would keep my son off school and keep my fingers firmly crossed that this family are evicted.

OP posts:
welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 09:23

sorry about post under, posted it else where, have not had much help

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 22/03/2011 09:28

Not sure how much help I can give, but did not want you do go unanswered. The situation sounds awful.

I think I would avoid confrontation as far as possible and do everything I could to ensure that I was on the moral high-ground with both the school and the other authorities involved.

I would explain to the school that your son is terrified about what might happen to him and as a result, can they ensure that he and the other child are kept apart. Reassure your son that you will do everything you can to protect him and that the school will too.

I would keep a written record of everything that happens.

pirateparty · 22/03/2011 09:33

Goodness. That's just awful - didn't want your post to go un-answered and hope this bumps it for you. I have no idea what I'd do except make sure I kept a log (at the time) of everything that happens.

My ds 2 so no idea of what I'd do in reality, but all my instincts are saying keep him at home, and hope the family move on soon.

I hope this gets better very soon for you all.

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 09:34

Yes keep written record.

Would you want to move otherwise?

WhoWhoWhoWho · 22/03/2011 09:37

Shock Oh my god they sound like a nightmare!!

Will family blame you for this council meeting too?

I would want reassurances from the school that they were going to be extra vigilant of watching this other boy.

I would also ask the police if they can help with any security measures such as a panic alarm or cctv maybe?

Log everything , ask the school to clarify that they are logging everything (violence from child, aggression from parents, complaints from other parents at the school, etc). COuld the school have someone reassure your ds? Even just a teacher telling him that they will be in the playground looking out for him and the other children and he can go to them anytime he feels worried may help him feel less anxious.

I wouldn't move house, even if one member of the family moves, the child may well still attend the same school and you will still have these people in your general neighbourhood.

What an awful situation, I really feel for you.

welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 09:43

Sorry if I have not been clear.DS is not frightened of seeing the boy, its the mother/family etc

OP posts:
WhoWhoWhoWho · 22/03/2011 09:53

Does the school have a breakfast club? I'm assuming he would only see them at beginning and end of school?

Hmm but one of them is your neighbour too. Your poor ds!

Can you call the helpful police officer and ask his advice? Maybe there is something he could suggest that they haven't thought of. Ask if there is any chance of a community officer being around the school area at hometime.

People like this are pure scum! Angry

welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 09:54

No Tiffany, would not want to move otherwise. Have family all around us where we are. Have just spend £3000 on new carpets, decorating etc in last 6 weeks

Just had phone call from Headmaster, he has been trying to get in contact with a lady from council for advice, she is away from office today, has given me her name/number etc, so both of us can try tomorrow, he suggested a official meeting in council office to ensure DS would not feel threatened etc to and from school. He has said I have done everything right, and he will do all he can to ensure my son feels safe. He said that the boys teacher has done classwork regarding violence not acceptable, anti-bullying etc for the whole class [ after having a different mum complaining about the boy], that the school are doing their part, however, if a parent is not discouraging the child from hurting other children, then it leaves all the work in school fall on deaf ears. He agrees keeping DS off until sorted.

OP posts:
welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 09:57

Whowhowho, the naughty boy goes to breakfast club, so mornings are not a problem, its after school. He does not like me driving him home etc [nothing to do with my driving btw, he likes running]
I have told headmaster, im not prepared to pick my son up at 2.30pm everyday to avoid the mother, I did it all last week, it was a short term solution, and my son is to have a full day education

OP posts:
mmsmum · 22/03/2011 10:08

I would not be happy my child was missing school, I think the other boy should be sent home, not your OP.

Evictions can be very hard and can take a long time to sort out, she could still be next door 6 months from now. I'm not sure, but I think that the council need to apply to a court and if they appeal it could be a long time before they are out.

Take DS to school as mornings aren't a problem, pick him up in the car after school and take him to a park for a run

I think you have to be commended for doing everything right and keeping your composure throughout, it's more than I could have done. I'd have given as good as I got and shouted louder, and probably had my house burnt down by now!

welshbyrd · 22/03/2011 10:55

I mentioned the time scale of eviction to the housing officer, as I think its a long process, however, housing officer said if the nan approach me again, the council can apply for an injunction order for the nan to leave the house while eviction proceeding commence

OP posts:
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