Really need advice

[welshbyrd]

Probably not the right place to post, but I really need quick responses, before I contact the relevant persons. This is very long btw, sorry

Incident happened on way home from school Friday before last. Was walking home, with DD in buggy, and DS 7, along with other mums.
A little boy attacked my nephew, my nephew said to the boys mum "your DS just push me into hedge, and was kicking me" the mums reply? she ignored my nephew. Thankfully nephew lives yards from school, so was home within 2 minutes of incident.
Next, the same little boy, went into someones garden, dragged 2 little boys who were sat on the garden wall [waiting for their mums to catch up], one of the boys run out of garden, to find his mum, the other little boy was pulled to the floor, stood on the chest, repeatedly jumped on, and kicked in the head, by the nasty little boy.
The mother seen it, casually walked into the garden grabbed, her sons arm, walked back up the garden path, saying "my boy is always hitting that kids for some reason". Leaving the other little boy on the floor, never checked he was ok, or even wait for the little boys mum to apologise, explain etc.
By this time I was gobsmacked. Having left the garden with her son in toe, she let him loose again, to run ahead, which he headed straight for my DS and started kicking him
Mother did fook all, I tried catching them up,while the mother casually walked along ignoring what he was doing, I shouted to the little boy to stop, the 2 boys were heading towards a busy road, and I was frightened, one would push the other into the road.

The mother, grabbed her son, and walked off ahead of us [the mum is normally a family friend ]
The following Monday, my nephews mum, and one of the other boys mum, made a complaint to the school regarding this, as this little boy has had numerous previous violence in school, the school had decided to do more than what they had previously [which had been, have a word with mum when picking the boy up]. The school called the mum into school, and they had an official meeting, to which would go on record.
That night my car window was smashed,[the boys nan, lives next door to me]I know the family well so know they were responsible, I assume they thought I was one of the mums who was responsible for talking to the school .Police was called etc, no proof

I notified the school and stated to avoid confrontation, i would be taking my son home from school, at 2.30pm. Which they were supportive about.
However, the mother had decided to leave early to pick her son up, which resulted in confrontation, as the family are known for smashing cars, windows etc,they had gone to their house first that morning.
She denied etc, and we left calmly agreeing to leave it all be. I know they were responsible, but didnt want a war zone everytime I took my son to school.
We parked our car, in different places until FRiday, when we had a family weekend away, was worried about my house while away, but the police officer had assured me, he was working all weekend, so would check it. Also gave a friend the key, she put the hoover on, music etc, to make them think we were home
Nothing happened to house, had a alovely weekend, travelled back yesterday morning, baby was sick in car, DD 12yrs, wiped what she could as we were 5 mins away from house. Arrived home, friend who had key was there. Opened the door [left baby in car seat while I got clean clothes for her, also she was sleeping]
Having sorted clothes etc, went out to get baby, low and behold, the boys nan was outside her house, screming at me, she hit me, wrestled me to the floor etc. Its was so bad, my DD12yo had to step over us to get the baby out of the car. The nan was screaming my son was a bastard, spiteful etc. My son was in the house listening to all of this.friend in my house called the police
After it happened, went back into my house, friend stated my DS, was so frightened, he had run into a gap between the sofa and a sideunit, in a ball and screamed
Police arrested her, she admitted it, cautioned because she aint been in trouble with police since 2001.
I phoned headmaster. Stated what had happened, explained my son is terrified, he told me he was not sure as to what he could do, because it was not the little boy who did it.He was going to contatc council to see what powers they had[which he thinks is nothing]
Phone council [council house btw]. Without even mentioning their names, the officer knew who I was talking about [they massive aggressive reputation] He stated that, I could be moved if I like. However, he stated he was having the family in the end of the week. About the mess in garden, and their general hygiene in the home[house really is extremely bad, they all smell, unwashed, police said they were ruff ruff ruff] He also stated that this family was so close to eviction, but decisions are made during the meeting with the tenants, not before.
Do I send my son back to school, do I move [knowing they are quite possibly going to be evicted anyway]
Im terrified for my son, he weed the bed last night sorry if it confusing, I will clarify things if needed

Blimey, I think in your situation I would keep my son off school and keep my fingers firmly crossed that this family are evicted.

I have kept DS from school today.

I know headmaster is saying, as the little boy was not involved in the nans behaviour, he is not sure as to what can be done. I argue that, the nans behaviour was a direct result of the little boys bullying
As they believe it was me who spoke to the school and his behaviour, is that not schools responsibility?

I fnot, the family are going to attack every mum or dad who complains about them to the school?
My DS has dyspraxia too, the school have been really supportive, and having regular contact with his teacher, DS reading has come on leaps and bound. It had been a bit trial and error, with how they were going to get DS to remember and be intrastate, and we have just got there now. And he is getting on fab now

Holy cow!

I think that as welshbyrd said, you should argue with the school that the nans actions were as a direct result of her grandsons bullying and therefore they have a responsibility to deal with it.

I wouldnt move as if your son continues at the same school, the problem will continue there and hopefully the council will evict them (keep a diary of any anti-social behaviour which which will help this process).

Really hope this gets sorted out for you - poor DS

Call social services and get them involved......?

How about advising the housing association also, if applicable?

What a cow! Hope you are okay.

Just had phone call from Headmaster, he has been trying to get in contact with a lady from council for advice, she is away from office today, has given me her name/number etc, so both of us can try tomorrow, he suggested a official meeting in council office to ensure DS would not feel threatened etc to and from school. He has said I have done everything right, and he will do all he can to ensure my son feels safe. He said that the boys teacher has done classwork regarding violence not acceptable, anti-bullying etc for the whole class [ after having a different mum complaining about the boy], that the school are doing their part, however, if a parent is not discouraging the child from hurting other children, then it leaves all the work in school fall on deaf ears. He agrees keeping DS off until sorted.

I would move, then they dont know where you are, if they get evicted they can come back to scare you and ds again.

I wouldnt blame the little boy, what hope does he have if the rest of the family use violence regularly

If I moved tysonnobie, I would not leave the town, as DD12 is in secondary school, all my family live in the town, husband has a great job etc. Its a very small town, they would know where I move to.

My mum lives yards away from the the little boys mum, so I would not be able to avoid meeting them at some point. I have just spent £3000 in the last 6 weeks, decorating, new carpets etc in the house. Money is not the most important thing, i agree, we love living here, all my sisters, mum etc, are all within a 2 minute walking distant from us. I would move for sure if there is no other option, but they will find out where we are

Also, left car outside the house last night, thought fook it, if they are going to smash it they will. It was fine this morning though

agreed massively wonkeydonkies, it is exactly what I said to headmaster on phone. Its sad because if nothing is done, sad as it is, I can see his future, and its pretty bleak, however my prority is my sons safety

He has taken his 2 yr old sister out of the house like 4am, to walk to his nans, whilst his mum is sleeping, nan returned them, mum was still in bed, did not noticed they were missing. The mother has now put extra locks etc on door, but he has tried get out through a low window, problem is he always takes the little girl with him.

Health visitors, were involved alot when little girl was a baby, because the little boy was biting her, every minute he could, it was appauling seeing a 3-4 mo baby with red ring bite marks on her. In the mums defence, it was her, who contacted the health visitor about the biting, whatever the HV suggested, it never worked, and the little girl was bitten right through, until she was 18mo

Gather all the evidence you can (dated, timed, fact-based, rather than opinions) and submit it to ALL the people who could have these people moved. I don't think police warnings will intimidate them or contain them sufficiently, they clearly are quite defiant and anti-social.

There are some people in our community who are in total denial of how bad their childrens' behaviour is, and try and ignor it because they'd rather not be confronted with it. These people sound similar, but worse. Violence is obviously a way of life to them.

Much as I can see this has really shaken both you and DS up, and I think you've been way more than reasonable in trying to create peace with these people.

The school sounds very supportive, but there are limits to what they can do. If the son in question is out of line at school (or his parents are) then there are huge amounts they could do.

I think the council have told you more than they should about the living habits of your neighbours, so be careful if you submit formal complaints about them with incidents noted that you INSIST ON CONFIDENTIALITY.

In the interests of your personal safety I think you should be kept informed of what's happening here, but sometimes in these situations those most affected can be the last to find out.

Is there someone neutral who can do the school run for you in a car in the meantime as a short term measure? Your DS should not have to limit his life for the sake of bullies.

Goodness, your story is like my worst nightmare, I don't have anything to add really but just wanted to say I really feel for you and your son, there's nothing worse than not feeling safe in your own home.
Is there anyway you can wait it out until the result of the council meeting with the ratty family and see what happens?
Would a move of house include a change of school for your son?

No I would stay in the area slinkysista, Im hoping if we move or dont, after speaking to the headmaster, that something shall be done to ensure DS stays in the school. If what they offer in meeting, is not what I think is acceptable, I will take him out permanently

Yes I can see your thinking, even if the school are super supportive, your son wont thrive if he feels unsafe.
I am so angry reading your post, why should your life be turned upside down because of these horrendous people!
Could be best to just get away from them, Is there any way to reason with them and explain that your didn't complain about their son?
Although your family might be better off away from this type of family altogether!

I assured the boys mum I did not complain about them. However, its got to the point, i dont care if they think I did. If someone does not stand up to them, that little boy is going to end up terrorising children, and mums and dad, will be to scared to approach the school.
Its past reasoning with them, I think i have done everything I can to maintain peace, for my sons educations sake

Enough is enough. Im doing everything in my power, to get that family be as far away from my family home, and my sons school

Good luck I hope it all works out for you and your family!
You'll be in my thoughts.
Let us know how you get on, wont you?

Will do slinky,Thank you for the moral support.
A housing officer came to see me yesterday. He was extremely helpful. He is going to ring me after the meeting of Thursday, with the nan. To hint to me as to, if they are starting eviction proceedings against her, or the head housing officer has decided to make her sign a new tenancy contract with very strict rules for 12 months.
Spoke to him regarding the grandson, he said he is in a position to refer the little boy/family to TAC,for the family to enforce anti-bullying/violence etc. if the school have not already done it.
He explained he has recently had a child in the same situation, he was not disciplined, had been massively aggressive in school etc. The boy is 11 now, and stabbed a pupil in school, resulting in the boy being taken into local authority care.
Housing officer was going to phone the school headmaster, to explain the families extreme anti-social behaviour, so the school dont trivialise the situation, he was going to explain that this whole situation is extremely serious, and that the school should be aware of it.
Still waiting to here from the education lady, or headmaster since he phoned me yesterday. Think I will leave it an hour, and phone one of them myself

Good luck for tomorrow.

You poor woman, and your poor son!

I feel so bad for your situation and really hope it works out tomorrow in your favour.