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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be furious that my friend made us spend £40 for 15 mins in a museum when she got in for free?

37 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:15

... not to mention DH and I had to queue for 45 mins to pay £40 for the privilege when my friend (or as I am calling her today, my 'friend') who has a frequent visitor card so gets in free, waltzed through the special door without queuing.

A brief b/g - we are godparents to her son, so we suggested meeting them in the park for a catch-up this weekend. She called on the morning and said her son wanted to go to the museum. I agreed. DH and I (who have no children so no particular need to go to a kids museum on a Saturday morning ourselves!!!) arrived early and got in the queue. She called us to say she was running 30 mins late. We carried on queueing. We eventually got in, paying £20 each for a ticket. She arrived, got straight in for free, and then announced her little boy only wanted to go to the museum to pick up a special badge from a vending machine there. We went straight to the vending machine. He got his badge. She said he was hungry and wanted to go for lunch. We left the museum. We went for lunch. When we had to leave, she said it was a shame we couldn't spend longer and that they were disasppointed. This after being 30 mins late.

What would any of you do about this? She is going through a nasty divorce, so we forgive a lot. But this is typical behaviour (and tbh always was, even before the divorce). She has lots of money, so didn't even think about the £40 for us. And she doesn't have a full-time job, as we do, so it didn't occur to her that Saturday would be our usual day for a much-needed lie- in.

She has, frankly, been a rubbish friend for the past few years. When DH was redundant, she was utterly unsupportive, despite my asking her for support specifically. Just a chat on the phone etc would have helped at the time. I have gone out of my way to support her throughout divorce, even at one point having to get a taxi to her in the middle of the night because she was upset about an email her ex had sent, and I was worried about her alone in the house with her son. But am getting tired of utterly selfish behaviour like this weekend's.

She is my best friend (supposedly) so though others have told me to just ditch her, it's not really an option. She isn't the kind of person to whom you can gently say she's being unfair, because she gets hysterical.

I have to be honest, I'm wondering what I'm doing with a friend like this!! I know it reflects badly on me that I let myself be treated this way. But I am her son's godmother and have known her for almost 20 years.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 21/03/2011 16:18

I couldn't be arsed with a friend like this.

VivaLeBeaver · 21/03/2011 16:19

Why is she your best friend? She doesn't sound like a friend at all. Does she treat everyone like this or just you?

She does sound totally self absorbed. I'd make excuses next time she wants to meet up, not phone her, etc and let her drift away.

I wouldn't hang onto someone like this for the sake of 20years of history. I could forgive short term twattish behaviour while going through a divorce, etc but not something that has been going on for years.

Sn0wflake · 21/03/2011 16:19

I think you should have pointed out the tickets cost you so much. I think you have to be straight with her. Sorry it's short but I really think it has to be the right approach.

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:20

Thanks Enorma and Beaver!
You're both right. I know you are. I think I am getting to the point where I know the answer. I just need to see it through.

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EricNorthmansMistress · 21/03/2011 16:20

Phase her out. Don't agree to meet her at stupidly expensive museums. Don't phone, don't text. What a nightmare (but then I would not have paid for the museum myself - I would have suggested she takes her DS in and meets you in a cafe nearby when she's done!)

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:21

Oh and Beaver - yes she has a tendency to treat most people in a similar way. Unsurprisingly she doesn't have many friends.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 21/03/2011 16:21

Did you point out to her that you'd spent £40 on tickets?

controlpantsandgladrags · 21/03/2011 16:21

she sounds totally self-absorbed.

When she went to leave the museum you should have told her that you had just paid £40 to get in and wanted to get your money's worth.

I admit the fact that her child is your Godson makes things tricky; you really can't just cut her out of your life. You can cut down on the amount you see her though, and don't be bullied into meeting her in places which are going to cost you a fortune.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/03/2011 16:21

Bloody hell - you are so righht to be upset. I would be livid.

Did you say to her 'look, we have just paid forty quid to get in here'.

She sounds terribly flaky.

Tbh I would give the friendship a rest. No need to make a dramatic statement, just don't return calls, don't make plans, just let the friendship drift away.

This is horrible, however sometimes friendships run their course. You need to spend your precious free time on people who are considerate, I think.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/03/2011 16:22

People can only walk all over you if you let them. It would have felt awkward but you should have said "look we've just paid £40 to get in so we're not leaving just yet"

Personally I have no time for "frinds" who treat me like shite and would just let the friendship slide

NewPathways · 21/03/2011 16:22

I'd drop her like a stone.

She's no loss.

Don't bother explaining. Let her get hysterical.

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:22

EricNorthsmansMistress - love your name btw - you're right, it was a mistake - cleverly however she only mentioned the fact she didn't want to stay long the moment we were inside - we thought at least if it was expensive then we might at least have a couple of hours there being good godparents and showing him stuff!!

Never again, though

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 21/03/2011 16:23

What do you get out of the friendship? Is she fun to be with?

£20 each for a museum - can I ask what museum it was? I have never spent that much on museum tickets.

nigglewiggle · 21/03/2011 16:24

Did you not feel that you could express your displeasure when she suggested leaving the museum? I would have had to say "sorry, but we've just paid £40 for our tickets, he can have lunch here!"

anonacfr · 21/03/2011 16:25

You could also arrange another outing and arrive 30 mns late yourself. Grin

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:25

I think the fact that it didn't even occur to either me or DH (and he, unlike me, is very honest and forthright with all other people) that we should point out the £40 is a sign of how bad things have got between her and us. IYSWIM. We knew she wouldn't respond well so we didn't bother. I'm a pathetic wimp, yes, but DH isn't, not with other people.

OP posts:
TragicallyHip · 21/03/2011 16:26
Shock

I'd be fuming! If this is what she is usually like then I would take some time out from her!

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:27

MmeLindt - I hate to say this because it makes me sad - but I get nothing out of the friendship. :(

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RunnerHasbeen · 21/03/2011 16:27

I think it is preferable to try and fix it, instead of cowardly sloping off and hoping she takes the hint. Why don't you just start being a bit more assertive, with the attitude that there is nothing to lose? If you try and back off and she at some point in the future corners you to ask why, you bringing up a list of small things will look petty - much better to deal with them at the time.

You agreed to go to the museum, I really can't see why you couldn't say you would rather have a lie in and didn't fancy the museum but could meet for lunch afterwards. I honestly don't think you get any sort of moral high-ground unless you have some sort of moral courage at the time.

ScarlettWalking · 21/03/2011 16:27

That is fucking rude and quite callas really. I would phase her out and send birthday Xmas cards to your gs. You really don't need that kind of treatment. Did you say something at the time re the tickets?

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:27

anonacfr - I like your thinking...

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emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:31

Runnerhasbeen - I completely take your point. I suppose I'm not really trying to take a moral high ground - frankly I feel utterly pathetic and defeated about the whole thing, and I'm aware as I said that it's up to me not to let her treat me this way. And your'e right that speaking up would be the right thing to do - I think it has to be done. It is significant, though, that it't not just me (wimp though I know I am!) As I say, my DH is very assertive in all his other relationships and even he is at a loss to know what to do when she behaves this way. It's almost that it's such bad behaviour, you can't even realy believe it's happening until you think about it later IYSWIM?

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alemci · 21/03/2011 16:35

i wouldn't have wanted to pay £40 for tickets and maybe waited for her to come. You could have had lunch instead on that and let her and her son go in the museum. I think your friend has a real cheek.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/03/2011 16:42

Sorry but why on earth didn't you say that, as you'd paid £40 to get into the museum, you were now going to spend the rest of the afternoon there? And what the hell museum was it that charged you £40? I work in a museum and we're free entry, even our special exhibitions, which I think are expensive, wouldn#t come to £40 for 3 of you.

emeraldgirl1 · 21/03/2011 16:44

Gwendoline - sorry, I've changed a couple of the details in case I'm recognised -it wasn't a museum as such - a London-based visitor site is the best way to put it

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