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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dread family holidays

26 replies

CrosswordAddict · 21/03/2011 12:08

There I've put it in print.
I used to look forward to my holidays before I had DCs.
Now I dread them. They are nothing but hassle, so that I come home tired out and stressed out.
I don't get much sleep on holiday so I'm permanently naggy and tired.
Everything is my fault, from sunburn to travel sickness.
Last year I longed to get a train home from our seaside holiday and leave them all behind.
If it was left to me we would never go away at all but that's not fair on DH as he works hard all year and feels embarrassed in the office if he's the only one not going anywhere.
The kids like to be able to tell their friends they are at least going somewhere, even if it's only in this country.
Am i being unreasonable or am I suffering from some kind of anxiety/ phobia?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 21/03/2011 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

empirestateofmind · 21/03/2011 12:28

So you are going on holiday just so you can tell people you are going on holiday? Sounds a bit strange to me.

How old are your DCs? I am assuming they are small...

Holidays with small children are not much fun so what we did was:

  1. had a couple of weekends away rather than going for any longer

  2. used the money we saved to do up our house

Once the children were both over six it got better- now they are teenagers we go away quite a bit and it is great. They have not been scarred for life by not doing much when they were small.

exhausted2011 · 21/03/2011 12:33

yanbu
does your DH help at all?

crw1234 · 21/03/2011 12:38

Conclusion I made about family holidays was either somewhere that had childcare - I know that is not everyone's thing but the odd day really works for us , or go with either relatives who will have the kids for a bit or another family to entertain them - otherwise we concluded we might as well be at home only then wouldn't have the cost or the travel and hassle. And the hassle does seem to be bigger for me than my DH and he does do load
I wonder if you and DH might enjoy a weekend away - go on a city break maybe -if someone would take the kids and then take the kids some nice days our/long weekend - I don't know alton towers or something?

kindbutnotrich · 21/03/2011 12:39

I think lots of people feel like you, just aren't prepared to admit it so well done! HOw old are your DCs? I think it makes a difference (gets better, then gets worse again..) Have you booked anything for this year yet? I don't think you are being unreasonable nor that you have some kind of phobia, but you probably are anxious based on previous experiences and sometimes that makes it all harder to deal with. How about making a list of the things that make it difficult then working out what you can do in advance to help counter - or ask on MN?? But if your DH leaves it all to you/blames you for anything which goes wrong, that is an issue in itself. My DH packs his own stuff and moans that I spend so long thinking what else we need to take - then moans if I've forgotten something... so you're not alone!

feeblephoebe · 21/03/2011 13:26

i remember once getting stressed about remembering to pack everything for two small kids. My colleague said to me why are you stressing, unless you are going to Outer Mongolia, even the smallest village has a shop where you can get the X Y and Z you have forgotten

I have never forgotten that, she was so right

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 21/03/2011 13:33

YANBU
i've stopped calling it a "holiday", with all the rest and relaxation that implies. instead we have a trip away. it is exhausting, as my two can be utter fiends when their routines are disrupted. but they enjoy it, so on we plod.

Original poster
CrosswordAddict · 21/03/2011 15:33

Thanks to all who have replied. I feel better now I know others share my apathy towards holidays. I think I'll stop calling them "holidays" and call them Trips Away.
I feel guilty that I'm putting a damper on the DCs enjoyment. They still talk about stuff they enjoyed last year while I just remember being cold and wet and wishing I was at home.
We have booked to do two nights in London but I didn't enjoy that very much the last time I went. Museums are very tiring aren't they?
DCs are going away with school later in the year so maybe that will count as their Annual Holiday for this year.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 21/03/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 21/03/2011 16:46

I love holidays because I always forget how crap they can be! You can always guarantee that on our family holidays there will be some point, about three days in, when I scream "I am never going on holiday with you two again!". But then we all chill out and it works out OK. I am sure it will improve as they get older. And try to work out what type of holiday would work best for you all.

I find now that the ones where I take DD and the dog to the caravan and DH stays at home are the best Grin

mosschops30 · 21/03/2011 16:52

Maybe the fact that you holiday in this country is the problem. My worst holiday ever was taking dcs to the isle of wight, god it was stressful, driving round, finding omething to do everyday, it cost us the same as a week abroad.
I would never do it sgain.
We go aboad every year now, you can get everything you need an more there (their pharmacies are o much better thn ours), the kids have a pool to splash about in every day and they normally have a disco in the evening so me and dh sit and chat and have a drink whilst they go crazy with ther friends.
We all love our summer holiday.

scattermummy · 21/03/2011 17:06

We have 4 dcs 4,8,11 and 12. We did 6 years in cottages in Devon,Scotland and cornwall.they are utterly exhausting,a trip out means,packed lunch ,endless bags with coats,wellies and swimming stuff ,by the time we are in the car I feel like we need a lie down.they are very hard work.
Last year we drove to France and stayed at a eurocamp campsite in the dordogne.it was the first time I have actually relaxed and we loved it so much we are going back.the kids clubs were great and everything was there and loads of other kids to hang out with.holidays should be for adults too.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 21/03/2011 17:09

Well, until youngest ofmy two was about 6 I never took them anywhere. Grandparents had them for a week and me and DH went away alone for a week. (or a city break for a few days)

Then we did several Club Meds where there was a kids club for some of the time which they loved and we got some "us time".

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 21/03/2011 17:11

You need to go abroad, get some sunshine and relax a bit. Holidays don't need to be a whole heap of faffing, but staying in the UK and doing all the same shit as at home only worse is going to do nothing for you. You can generally go to keycamp in france for less than you'd spend in the UK.

sshnapps · 21/03/2011 17:41

we go away lots, i dread the packing/airport/flights.this year we had a sitter every day while dd2 wa having a nap and again at night while she was asleep. dd1 came out with us till about 9.30 then we dropped her back. it was the first relaxing holiday we have had since we ve had kids.

bellaella16 · 21/03/2011 17:52

YANBU I'm single parent with only child and it took me years of trying to make it work before I realised that it wasn't a holiday for me and actually DS wasn't that bothered. Glad you said it.

Original poster
CrosswordAddict · 21/03/2011 20:21

Yes thanks to all of you.
We both drive but not abroad and wouldn't want to tbh. We all have passports but we can no longer afford abroad for all four of us anyway.
DCs will go away with school so they will get a dose of foreign travel and not miss out on the culture and educational stuff.
Kids refuse to go to Alton Towers! Don't know why but I think they've been brainwashed to think theme parks are a waste of money/time.
Sorry we sound like a bunch of killjoys! Wish we could all lighten up a bit!

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 21/03/2011 21:56

How can you find holidaying in this country cheaper?? I find woth petrol money, accommodation costs, days out, food etc it is much more expensive

IloveJudgeJudy · 21/03/2011 22:25

I agree with mosschops. How can you find holidaying in this country cheaper? We go abroad now after two rained off Norfolk hols in this country. Cos of bad weather we had to spend money to get out of the rain.

Now, go to France where the weather is and relax, chill in the sun/hot weather. The weather is the thing that does it for us.

How about a Eurocamp style holiday? there are cheaper companies (venue holidays, eg.).

pointydog · 21/03/2011 22:34

Sounds like you need to think of holiday activities you'd enjoy. Why go to museums on holiday if you generally dfon't like going round them.

Do you plan a list of possible activities in advance, wet weather and dry? And maybe sometimes your dh could go somewhere with the kids (and vice versa) to give you a break from stuff you don't like.

TaupeShimmer · 21/03/2011 22:40

yanbu

My parents live abroad, so we end up having 3-generational family holiday time. Although it is nice to see them, 'holiday' is not a word I would choose to describe the experience...

I actually look forward to January / Feb time, when nobody expects you to be whooping it up and enjoying yourself, and you can have a genuine bit of peace and quiet.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 21/03/2011 23:52

I'm dreading going. We are driving to the south of France. 3 DC all under 6. From NORTH SCOTLAND!!

My DH can't wait. All his idea! He deserves a holiday as he works hard, but for me this will be two weeks of utter hell.

Skinit · 21/03/2011 23:56

Can I ask why you don't get much sleep while you're away?

Original poster
CrosswordAddict · 22/03/2011 10:28

I'm a very light sleeper and it's too noisy.
I think the holiday does me good in a way, even though I don't enjoy it. I think I'm so glad to get back it makes me appreciate my own home a lot more.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 22/03/2011 10:48

Hmm, I have a bit of that problem, and have been helped by travelling with a noise machine (and using one at home) so that it sounds like home, when I'm away, iyswim.