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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a different life for me and my son

11 replies

Desperate00 · 21/03/2011 11:49

DP has been suffering from depression for couple of years now as i have too. However it has gotten so much worse to the point that we hardly talk, have seperate rooms, both on meds, both seeing counsellors (though not helping), went together one helped for a week. No interation sexually, will not interact with son unless its just to play with him for 5 mins. dont go out together. its a sham. i feel like this is my life i have made for me and my son and just stick it out til things are better or meds work ... other part of me says its 2 years now it wont change. i'm not happy but have the strength to leave, dont want my son without his dad around who he loves very much. I still love my dp and he loves me ... but just not sure its enough anymore.

besides how can i leave when he's not well .... its just at this stage i dont know what is his depression and what is actually him not bothered and using it as an excuse.

i'm so unhappy and lost. thanks for listening. i know its a long ramble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperate00 · 21/03/2011 11:50

meant to say i havent the strenght to leave. i really want opinions as talking to family and friends opinions are biased. and they dont know all the details. please be honest ... i need to hear it.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/03/2011 11:55

Do you have somewhere to go? It's all well saying you want to leave, but you need more of a plan than that.

sb6699 · 21/03/2011 12:00

Oh, your poor soul, you sound so Sad

I'm not medically qualified but could I suggest you both go back to your gp as it sounds as if your meds might not be working (its very trial and error trying to get the correct dosage etc).

Regarding your relationship, have you told him how you feel. If you cant talk to him, how about writing a letter and asking him to respond.

KateMush · 21/03/2011 12:02

Sorry you are feeling so down - have you tried posting on the mental health board? I think you will probably get more sympathetic and helpful responses on there.

It sounds to me as though some more joint counselling might help as there doesn't seem to be much communication between the two of you. Hope you manage to find the right help.

TryingVeryHard · 21/03/2011 12:20

Poor OP
Agree with posts above, you sound like you may need more medical help, but I would also say - don't give up on your relationship and think of leaving if you still love each other.
Love is precious, it's the one positive thing in your post and something to hang on to.

Original poster
Desperate00 · 21/03/2011 12:33

thanks for the replies. means alot.

meds for me are doing what they are supposed to do. the only thing bringing me down is my relationship with dp. i work full time raise our son and have friends. on the outside you'd swear nothing was wrong.

i do have a place to go ... have a house we used to live in that we now rent. but i dont want to leave ... i want this to work!!! but how much longer do i wait? i guess no one can answer that but how long do you flog a dead horse?!?!

i do want him to go to counselling with me again. we went private and though it was costly it did help i felt. we were more positive and close for a few days after. but he wont go again. says he has too much to do.

when do you know if you are no longer IN love with someone, over just loving someone.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/03/2011 12:54

That is truly sad. Can you ask your GP to refer you to the same counsellor on the NHS . You should note, I am clueless as to whether this could be done.

chubbleigh · 21/03/2011 13:37

In the end, you can only save yourself and be a better mother in the process, it's up to your partner to do the same. If you definately think that the relationship is over don't hang around in a situation that is sapping your strength or you will find the time comes were you don't have the energy to leave. That would be so much worse.
Create the best possible environment for your son, if that means Dad on weekends, do that. Don't waste your life and his childhood living in a miserable situation, honestly, you will regret it in years to come.

Sn0wflake · 21/03/2011 13:38

Perhaps AIBU is not the right place for this. This seem more like relationships or mental health area (can't remember what it is called). You might get more helpful replies there.

RunAwayWife · 21/03/2011 13:42

You need to walk away, and by walk I mean run screaming for the hills.
This situation will damage your child.

thx1138 · 21/03/2011 14:02

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position. Having been in a similar relationship situation myself - although without children - I would recommend using all your spare cash to see a counsellor together. His excuse that he has too much to do is dreadful and he (and you) should be prioritising your relationship. This is not living, this is existing.

I found going to the counsellor helped to end the relationship much more positively than one of us walking out.

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