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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to need coaching to get me through parents evening?

21 replies

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 08:32

instead of sitting mute and nodding and agreeing I need to be assertive and pro-active and more questioning (without crying).

I am a professional, independent, intelligent, woman dammit. Why does school turn me into a mousy 10 year old?

So coach me through...

I need to know why in English she scores 2 whole levels below everything else.

Why is her English teacher the only one who scores her very poor in effort, behaviour and attainment? Admittedly, she isn't great in any of the other subjects but it's obvious something is wrong with this lesson.

Why has she not progressed a single level in any subject and gone backwards 2 levels in English?

If she carries on at this rate she is likely to leave school with nothing in the way of GCSEs. What can we do about that?

Help.

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 21/03/2011 08:34

Write it down so you know exactly what you want to say. Then before the teacher lauches in to what they want to say, say that you have something you would like to raise before you discuss anything else. That way you cannot get sidetracked.

carabos · 21/03/2011 08:44

What about asking for a personal appointment at another time - it sounds as if you might need more time than will be available at parents' evening to really get to the bottom of what is happening. Perhaps take a more assertive friend with you who knows your DD and will support your agenda?

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 08:45

that's a good idea.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 21/03/2011 08:47

I would write it down to remind yourself. Get in first and before she says a word say 'before we start I am very worried and I would like answers to these questions......'
Either that or take carabos advice-phone up and ask for a personal appointment with reasons.

Whichever-get in first.

waitwhat · 21/03/2011 08:51

Agree with get in there first. I always forget what i want to say and always leave kicking myself for not getting the answers i needed

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 08:53

good plans. write down concerns, ask for extra apointment if not being adressed.

try not to scream 'WHY DO YOU HATE MY CHILD YOU HARPY?'

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 21/03/2011 08:53

What year is she in?

Do you know anything about the teacher? Is she/he young/inexperienced? Does DD share teachers? Does she have a personality conflict? What does she think of the lessons?

I would go along to the parents evening with a written (and very clear, so you actually do tick off the points) list. Then, if your questions haven't been answered to your satisfaction (even if only slightly) arrange a meeting with the HoD and teacher(s) to discuss further.

If she is in year 7, the dropping level thing could well be to do with a discrepancy between the primary and secondary marking systems. Year 7s often come from primary school with inflated English levels. However, if this is the case, it should have been communicated to you already, and she certainly should have progressed during her time at this school.

exoticfruits · 21/03/2011 08:59

If you aren't happy after the meeting I would phone the Head of Year and have a chat about your concerns.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 09:02

She is year 8 and so difficult I actually wouldn't blame any of her teachers for finding her hard to be around.

However. It is the big and glaring difference between the reports for her subjects which have irked me.

I do have an appointment with her tutor.

OP posts:

complexnumber · 21/03/2011 10:31

Obviously there is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. I think taking along assertive friend could be seen as a bit intimidating

I am a teacher, parents' evenings can be exhausting, especially if you are teaching a core subject such as English.

I think the issues arising out of your daughter's apparent decline in the subject would take more than the usual 5 - 10 minute slot to address.

Definitely ask for a personal appointment.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 16:49

oh fuck. DD has just let slip how many of her teachers have mad specific requests that they must seme this evening.

arse.

OP posts:

MarianH · 21/03/2011 17:11

See who you can, and try to raise your concerns face to face, but if you are nervous and unable to voice them call the teacher or write them a letter and it will still be dealt with.

Many parents wait for Parents' Evening to raise issues, but this isn't your only forum for doing so.

I work in a school where I am continually addressing parental concern over the phone and via letter or e-mail. It is totally reasonable to contact them in this way.

If it is just concern in one subject, you can approach the Head of Department, but I think it would be fairer to contact the individual teacher and give them a chance to respond. You may find the HOD picks it up anyway. If issues are with several teachers, Head of Year is the best person.

Hopefully, the evening will sort things out for you, but do follow it up if you aren't happy. Good luck .

LB29 · 21/03/2011 17:16

I agree with some of the other posts. Make a list and make sure the teacher answers all of your questions. Say that you are really concerned and ask the teacher to make another meeting to come up with a plan for home and school.

breatheslowly · 21/03/2011 17:29

It sounds like some teachers are trying to be diplomatic and other are being blunt. As a teacher we were constrained in writing reports by departmental policy - often to 1 good thing and one action to improve. While I don't know your DD and hope that she isn't a nightmare, if she is then you need to read between the lines. For example "has produced some sound work this year" could mean "has produce one ok piece of work at some point in the year, but not recently". Definitely go for Head of Year to get an overview and agree action across all subjects. Watch out also for your DD being a bit of a challenge to teach but not amongst the worst in the year. This can mean that the focus is on the ones who are unteachable and just living with the ones that are challenging without doing much to improve their attainment. I found that often these students made it through to the 6th form but then were suprised when their antics were not tolerated in 6th form lessons as they now stood out. Sorry if this paints a really depressing picture, I hope your DD is just a bit lively.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 17:42

o. she is a nightmare. i know. i have to live with her. i've been begging asking school for input since she started 18 months ago, speak to a different person every time and have had nothing concrete put into a plan. i'm pretty much done with them so will be more resigned than confrontational.

ho hum. off i go....

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jenga079 · 21/03/2011 18:03

I agree with those who've said to take a list. It may also help to take her last report so you can ask specifically about the differences in grades. I suggest asking who DD sits with in English. Several of the pupils I teach change completely when sat with certain people.

Oh, and if the conversations lasts longer than the 5/10 minute slot that you've been given then ask for a meeting another day. The last thing you want is an audience as the other parents wait to talk to the teacher. Good luck.

LB29 · 21/03/2011 18:04

DON'T be resigned. They are getting paid to provide your DD with an education. I doubt everything would get sorted at a parents evening so make an appointment with her head of year. Make sure she knows that she is going to have to start pulling her weight. The better the relationship you have with the school the harder she will find it to get away with not working.

Amber789 · 21/03/2011 18:10

One good thing to say after they have made their complaints is "ok, so what strategies are you putting in place to help her improve?" They are the professionals so should be able to answer this. Followed up by "and how can I support this at home?" to show that you are not just passing all responsibility to them. Good luck!

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 19:39

i'm back. it was a mixture of fairly good and a bit crap. most said she'd improved since september except german teacher who quite obviously hates everything about her but you can't win em all.

despite the positives DD, being DD, has focussed entirely on the negative german harpy and is sulking in the kitchen.

OP posts:

BabyDubsEverywhere · 21/03/2011 20:16

Arr tell her not to worry, all the Germans speak English anyway

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 21/03/2011 20:36

that's what she said. i tried not to laugh

OP posts:

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