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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i know, i know, sorry but another dc at wedding thread!

24 replies

RueLaChesty · 20/03/2011 22:36

DP and I are getting married next year and we have decided no kids except our own and nieces and nephews, which at the moment is 9 kids already.

We also said we'd be reasonable if anyone has a newborn.

now our numbers are very tight and if we invited the dcs of our guests it would be 37, about 15 highchairs and the rest would require seats.

One of my friends mentioned the other day that all going well she would have a new baby by our wedding. This would be lovely, she's not pregnant yet but trying. The problem is she has 2 older dcs.

So my question is, if she has a newborn aibu to say, sure bring the newborn along but can you leave the other 2 at home? eeek, that just feels very rude to me!

OP posts:
PaperView · 20/03/2011 22:38

No you can't exclude siblings imo.

MorticiaAddams · 20/03/2011 22:39

I think it's fine, don't worry.

Dropdeadfred · 20/03/2011 22:40

you can say no dc apart from breastfeeding babies...?

herbietea · 20/03/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BeerTricksPotter · 20/03/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wineclub · 20/03/2011 22:41

I think you can exclude siblings if the included child is a newborn. Its not like saying a 5 year old can't come but her 6yo sister can.

NewPathways · 20/03/2011 22:42

You can exclude anyone you like OP. It's your wedding.

are you saying if you let all the kids come there would be 37 kids, including 15 high-chair age?

That sounds pure torture for all involved.

Don't be apologetic. If people don't like it they don't have to come!

foreverondiet · 20/03/2011 22:45

I think its fine to have newborns, and family children but not siblings of newborns.

The way I see it is that the newborn doesn't require a meal or highchair, so they aren't really "invited" more that its ok if they are there. The older sibling needs a chair and a meal.

Original poster
RueLaChesty · 20/03/2011 22:55

yup, 37 kids with 15 under 2s! Big families on both sides.

The thing is i want this friend to be there but if i can't invite newborn but not dcs then i would have to "delegate" her to an evening guest.

Obviously this is all hypothetical as she could just be heavily pregnant if she takes a while to fall pregnant.

I feel guilty as i have to decline her wedding invite as it was absolutely no kids and i was expecting DD1, but she came back and insisted i could take her. DD1 was 3 weeks old at her wedding.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 20/03/2011 23:08

What NewPathways said.

You can say whatever you like.

PenguinArmy · 20/03/2011 23:13

Just speak to her about it, I'm sure between the two of you'll come to satisfactory answer. She sounds reasonable

BadPoet · 20/03/2011 23:20

YANBU I think, and I've been to weddings where there were babes in arms but no older siblings (and I knew they had older siblings iyswim).

sunnydelight · 21/03/2011 03:37

Newborns are in a category of their own when it comes to weddings. You are not "excluding siblings" you are "making a reasonable exception" for the baby.

BaggedandTagged · 21/03/2011 04:06

Agree with sunnydelight. "Babes in arms" are the usual exception to no child weddings because

  1. It's pretty difficult to leave them, esp if bf and
  2. They don't count as an extra head or require a highchair etc

I had 2 newborns at my "no kids" wedding, both of whom had siblings who did not come.

ScroobiousPip · 21/03/2011 04:26

Yes, it is OK to specify babes in arms/bfing babies only.

But, equally, you shouldn't be offended if some guests decide not to attend because it's too difficult to arrange childcare/too difficult to split up the family etc etc (reasons irrelevant tbh). Choice works both ways.

saffronwblue · 21/03/2011 06:34

I had only family kids at my wedding plus 2 new borns.People understand and they have lots of time to make arrangements. If for some reason it is too hard then they won't come and that will be their choice.

Original poster
RueLaChesty · 21/03/2011 06:52

thanks for all your replies. I'm sure she will be fine at that and i can imagine trying to feed a newborn whilst keeping two older kids entertained might be stressful for her and DH so they wouldn't get to enjoy the wedding.

i had just panicked as i hadn't thought of this scenario. We had a family wedding once were they said no cousins under 16 and at the time out of my 5 siblings my younger brother (15 at the time) didn't get to go so we all didn't go and just went along in the evening. In DPs family it always parents plus 2 from the family but DP is one of 3. So as a rule i'm usually against excluding siblings but if you see babes in arms as an exception then i'm sure it'll be ok! :)

weddings are a bloody minefield aren't they?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 21/03/2011 08:06

Do whatever you like.

Providing you don't get pissy if people decline.

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 21/03/2011 08:23

It will be fine.

SudashesaliveItakeyoutoher · 21/03/2011 08:34

Surely if her own wedding was absolutely no DCs then she would be in no position to complain if you only made an exception for her newborn if he/she exists at the time ! But if she did I would say to her it would make things awkward for you - slippery slope and all that re: your other friends children who werent invited - and also remind her of her own policy at her wedding.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 21/03/2011 08:35

Both of your families rules about weddings sound very odd to me - but there you go Grin

sunnydelight Mon 21-Mar-11 03:37:23
Newborns are in a category of their own when it comes to weddings. You are not "excluding siblings" you are "making a reasonable exception" for the baby

Spot on!!

By the way, I'd suggest not saying what you said above i can imagine trying to feed a newborn whilst keeping two older kids entertained might be stressful for her and DH so they wouldn't get to enjoy the wedding because it's patronising and it implies that your wedding is far more important than their children.

I hope you have a lovely day - mind you - I'm sure we'll see many more wedding threads from you before the day Grin

exoticfruits · 21/03/2011 08:44

I think it is fine.

Original poster
RueLaChesty · 21/03/2011 11:53

oh i hope not chippingin but you're probably right, look out for future "do i have to invite sil to wedding" threads Grin and yup both very odd which is why i had initially went with no kids.

Enorma i would totally understand if people declined, i'd be disappointed they weren't there but not annoyed.

I know when i get invited with dcs that i'd prefer NOT to take them as to me it is stressful and they are easily bored. I don't mind them making a racket through our service but wouldn't like it in someone elses. Plus, if nothing else its a break for me and dp to have a drink which we wouldn't do if dcs present!

OP posts:
diddl · 21/03/2011 11:57

Sounds fine to me tbh.

We invited friends children as well as family but only one brought her 9yr old.

Most wanted to leave them with GPs.

Family children it´s easier to bring maybe as other relatives are there to help.

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