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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect at least one set of parents to be in the country when I could have a prem baby

14 replies

GoodVibrations · 20/03/2011 20:47

DD was born early (35 weeks). Although thankfully she had no long term problems it was emotionally a really traumatic experience for us, and I still have counselling 2 years on.

I am now 31 weeks pg and both sets of parents have booked holidays abroad at the same time as each other (they didn't realise at the time). I will be 35 weeks pg. We don't know if I will have another prem baby, but there is a higher risk and if it does happen it will be around the same time as DD.

DH parents had already agreed to look after DD when I go into labour. They live 5 minutes drive away (my parents also live locally and were the backup plan). My previous labour was very fast and I have been told to go straight to the hospital with any signs of labour.

Also, if we do have another prem baby we will be in need of emotional support, aswell as help looking after DD for hospital visits.

I don't feel that either set of parents are very interested in this pg. DM asked me today what my due date was as she had forgotten. But both FIL and DM are very stressed at the moment and a holiday will obviously help them (although my parents have only just come back from holiday, and DH parents go away again in early June).

AIBU to feel really let down, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
beesimo · 20/03/2011 20:51

I would feel very let down and find it very hard to forgive they are a pack of rotters. Never you mind OP they will regret it one day the swine

hairylights · 20/03/2011 20:53

I can understand your wish for them to be around, but they have their own lives and can't be expected to put them onhold til after your baby is born.

AKMD · 20/03/2011 20:55

I think you are over-reacting but understandably worried and upset. Holidays are notoriously difficult to reschedule once booked so I can't blame either set of parents for sticking with their plans. Hopefully you won't go into pre-term labour this time round so it won't even be an issue but do you have other close family or friends nearby to help DD should you need it?

Flisspaps · 20/03/2011 20:55

I think YAB a bit U (but understandable in the circumstances :)) - the holidays were booked without them realising the other parents were away at that time and you might not give birth prematurely - much as this is a big deal for you, you can't expect others to put their lives on hold for possibly seven weeks in case you give birth then.

From reading other threads on here, it seems that many people feel that parents/ILs are not as interested in subsequent pregnancies as they were with the first. It's not just you, and not something to take personally :)

Hope all goes well.

fatfingers · 20/03/2011 21:00

have you been told it is likely you will have another prem baby? Have you had any problems with this pregnancy? Just wondering whether they believe that you are likely to go full term this time so didn't feel the need to book hols later.

LisaD1 · 20/03/2011 21:04

Have you been told that this baby is likely to be prem?

My first was born at 33weeks and my 2nd was over due by 2 weeks, both girls, both very different pregnancies.

I can understand you being anxious but you cannot expect people, whether your parents or not, to put their own lives on hold for your pregnancy/baby, of course the baby is important to them but nothing like it is to us mums.

Original poster
GoodVibrations · 20/03/2011 21:04

They only booked the holidays recently (in the last couple of weeks). I know their lives can't be put on hold for most things but having a baby is a twice lifetime thing for me! I am over sensitive I know so trying to get some perspective.

AKMD am trying to rally around neighbours/ friends to be on call just in case. I need someone local as I might not have any time to hang around. I just don't need the extra stress of DD being with people she doesn't know as she's really shy. Hopefully we won't need them though, I'm just getting really nervous now.

OP posts:
beesimo · 20/03/2011 21:05

What the hell is more important than your GC being born certainly not a holiday there is no sight more beautiful than a newborn especially when its one of your own. I'd miss a world cruise and a trip to the moon for it. Its not like you've landed them with a dilemma you have at least 8 months warning,OP is not collecting a puppy from the kennels and expecting to be helped out at short notice. They have got very strange priorites to my mind. At least they shouldn't moan when you are too busy 'to put your life on hold' when they get old and ill.

Original poster
GoodVibrations · 20/03/2011 21:08

We don't know if this one will be early. I am just really paranoid. There are no signs (other than measuring small but I know these are notoriously inaccurate & have a growth scan in a week) but no signs last time either. And no explanation for last time (waters broke early, no infection though).

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 20/03/2011 21:12

If your baby does come early (if), then they can always cut their holiday short and be home pretty quickly.

bigredtractor · 20/03/2011 21:14

I'm with you OP. I was brought up in a family that suported eachother and the important occasions were when that support came into it's own.

I kind of struggle with the attitudes of 'it's their life, get on with it' because, if you cant rely on famiy, who can you rely on? It's tough and YANbU to feel upset by it (in my humble opinion!!).

toeragsnotriches · 20/03/2011 21:32

I'm also there with you. I guess they didn't ask you to get pregnant or anything (!) and yes, in theory the responsibility is yours not theirs but it's not as simple as that is it? With stuff like this I tend to ask myself what I'd remember for the rest of my life. I think being there when my DCs met each other for the first time and being part of all the wonder of a newborn will rate more highly than sitting on the beach in Tenerife. My Mil looked after DS1 while I had DS2 and told me it was one of the most memorable times of her life.

It's about seven weeks delay of a holiday for a lifetime of memories. No contest. A holiday is a ballache to rebook, but you can rebook it. You can't just suck baby back in for a more convenient date Wink .

thebird · 20/03/2011 21:58

YANBU to look to your family for support at what is obviously an anxious time for you. I dont know if but if you were my DD or DIL I would be terrified of being far away if there was an emergent in case I couldn't get back. I don't know what all this everyone for themselves attitude is about, what happened to family?

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2011 22:02

So they knew you were pregnant, they knew your due date, they know there is a chance you could be early, they know that you need them to help and they booked their holidays around your due date?
I have no idea what they were thinking and you are most definitely not BU.

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