to want a social skills teacher for my son

[takeonboard]

as I can't do any more to help him. He is 9 years old and is a social leper in school and outside of school. He sobbed in my arms last night that he will always be on the outside and never have any friends. I have tried everything, in fact I have probably gone way too far in analysing and yes criticising his every move in an attempt to make him perfect/good enough/fit in - I don't know what to do any more

He moved schools 3 years ago and the big problems started then (age 7) although looking back there were minor problems before that. School insist he has no SEN, he is very bright and at a selective school. but there is something which I can't put my finger on that totally turns off other kids. All the kids in his class can't be the meanest on the planet, they seem quite a nice bunch of kids in fact, but they don't disguise the fact that they despise him.

He isn't perfect,he has many small faults, but when I observe other kids they seem to be similar but get away with most of their faults and get on with their peers. So where is my DS going wrong? I am convincced that he needs to be "taught" how to socialise by a specialist - does anyone know of anyone who can help him.
Please give me your idea's I am desperate to help him.

Swanrivere, 3what a great post.

"5. Teach child: Stay away from people who really don't like you. Don't try and get their attention and "force" them to include you or be nice to you. There are people who probably do like you a little, concentrate on them instead.

1. The most important thing. You can't get people to like you just because you want them to. You have to say nice things to them, and do nice things for them. You can model that as a parent quite successfully if you take your child out socially."

5 and 6 have really hit home with me. Ds1(7) possible Aspergers, hs a best friend who treats him like dirt and four boys have really bullied him, and one of them in particular he seems to adore.
makes me so sad, and I don't know what to do. he has other friends, and plays with quite a few of the girls. which atleast is something. but he craves a true friend, who will treat him nicely, and that is the one thing he does not have.
I will try and get through to him with your words. I thought I had said those exact words, but maybe i didn't.
I just can't get through to him. God, I wish I could

Perhaps he doesn't have any SN.

Just think about all the celebs/business people/successful adults who will refer in their memoirs/autobiography about bullying or feeling left out at school...

Just love him and support him and keep on at the school. Sometimes kids don't "fit in" during one particular age bracket, but will be the life and soul of the party in another social context.

Good luck.

I do think its a certain sort of child that 'cares' enough that hes bullied or left out ....it seems to me that the children that thrive in the playground are the ones who can take or leave people.

My ds1 hated school he will say himself it was the most miserable time of his life and he wishes hed have been home schooled entirely he had a few friends but mostly he just 'got on with it' .....hes 17 now and is just finishing his second year at 6th form hes having a blast!!! he loves it and is eager to get to uni and srart again.

I hated primary - and was bullied. I wasn't too keen on grammar school but it was OK. Schools don't suit everyone. Oddly enough the girls who were super popular at school and much admired by pupils and teachers alike have done little since with their lives. I'm sure he'll be fine. Can you find him interests outside of school.

Do you know, I'v been thinking about your post and wanted to show you this link about social skills for unpopular children

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/unpopular-children-why-dont-they-like-me-2214956.html

Can't do links, sorry. I'm reading it for my son as I reckon we'll be in for ishoos later...

I am very strong on manners and eye contact (constant reminders, drives me mad!) and I have made a habit of having one on one playdates every single week to support this. I ask him who he wants round and even if I don't know the parent at all I am ruthless in following it up. I am just determined to make sure he builds networks however possible.