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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by lateness?

23 replies

meaniemo · 20/03/2011 13:08

Im not delicate so honestly please tell me.

My DC has a good friend who he likes to see on a weekend and school holidays but his mother is always late to the point it's putting me off inviting the friend around or making arrangements to take my DC to there house. This weekend we had arranged she would drop her child here at 11am (I even offered to go collect as I didn't want them to be so late it made lunchtime difficult) but at 12:30 they still weren't here so I called their home and was told they are en route.

Now I understand we all get behind sometimes but they never call us and let us know they are running late. I think this is rude...

AIBU?

Sound I delicately try and speak to the mother about this or should I just keep my mouth closed and smile?

OP posts:
cookielove · 20/03/2011 13:19

I think it is def rude not to call to say your going to be late, if it is anything over 5-1o minutes. And i am always running late, so most of my friends know i am on my way. It is a shock for me to be early, or on time.

I would speak to the mother, even just saying something like letting you know if they are running late would be helpful.

Did you have to feed him when he arrived at 12.30

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 20/03/2011 13:21

I can't stand lateness and think it's very rude. Ok, sometimes people are late, but it's not hard to send a text or make a phone call. An hour and a half late is well and truly taking the piss.

HecateTheCrone · 20/03/2011 13:22

I'd go out.

Seriously.

"Oh, did you come? we arranged to meet at 11 and when you still weren't here at 1230, I simply assumed you couldn't make it."

My husband has actually done this. To his brother. A couple of hours late and my husband said "right. into the car." and we went out for the day.

It sends a message.

Firawla · 20/03/2011 13:23

yanbu that level of lateness is so rude, it would put me off inviting them too

Original poster
meaniemo · 20/03/2011 13:24

Hi,

Yes I did have to feed him but had planned on that anyway - so no big hassle.

I will attempt to think of something very subtle and non confrontational to say when we arrange next meet up.

Its upsetting to watch DC clock watching when he was expecting his friend to be here :( getting more upset and disappointed :(

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 20/03/2011 13:25

I think being late is very very rude, YANBU

Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/03/2011 13:25

I was going to say YABU, as I am often running a bit late- not always easy to be precisely on time when you have small children who suddenly need the toilet/ won't wear "that" jacket/ have forgotten bear...

BUT! then I saw just how late you are talking! Shock YANBU to be hacked off by that!!

HecateTheCrone · 20/03/2011 13:27

why subtle and non-confrontational?

why are you working so hard to not cause offense to someone who is taking the piss?

You are allowed to say "please come on time, I don't like having to wait for the best part of 2 hours for you."

If she doesn't like that, well maybe she should put herself in your shoes.

Being so late, all the time, is clearly saying that you are not worth the effort. That her time is more important than yours. That you can just hang around for her convenience.

I don't bloody think so.

SugarPasteFrog · 20/03/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nethunsreject · 20/03/2011 14:19

Yanbu.

That is ridiculously late, with no explaination.

Original poster
meaniemo · 20/03/2011 15:08

Thanks everyone. Im going to say something, I know she's like this with everyone in our children's social circle and this way because it wouldn't bother her if we were that late but she has 1 child and I have 4 so juggling complex schedules doesn't allow me much slack to allow for major delays.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 20/03/2011 16:37

yanbu

She is fucking rude.

NinkyNonker · 20/03/2011 16:40

5 mins is one thing as sometimes traffic etc gets in the way, but that is just ridiculous. I second going out or phoning and saying it is too late.

bupcakesandcunting · 20/03/2011 16:45

YANBU

If a person is persistently late to meet you then they are effctively saying "I do not value your time" Horrible trait.

Salmotrutta · 20/03/2011 16:52

Another lateness-hater here! YANBU.

I'm always too early for everything cos I hate being late Blush

SauvignonBlanche · 20/03/2011 17:00

Some people just don't 'get it'.
My DSis is late for everything!
At a recent family getogether she and her dccs arrived at 9:45 pm for a buffet meal that we were all contributing to!

catinthehat2 · 20/03/2011 17:02

"Its upsetting to watch DC clock watching when he was expecting his friend to be here getting more upset and disappointed "

and you also say

"I will attempt to think of something very subtle and non confrontational to say when we arrange next meet up."

I don't understand your priorities.

Your child is upset, but you are playing around sucking up to the other family. Really don't get it.

Exactly how far doen the pecking order of life do you consider yourself & your kids to be?

MorticiaAddams · 20/03/2011 20:50

I hate lateness. It does become more understandable when you have a baby/toddler and things just happen that you can't allow for but otherwise I feel the other person is saying that their time is more important than yours when it's bloody well not.

Even now the kids are older I plan to start leaving 10-15 minutes before I need to just to allow for their faffing around forgetting things which means I leave on planned time.

southeastastra · 20/03/2011 20:52

ask for them to come an hour before you want them to

BigChiefOrganiser · 20/03/2011 20:58

I hate being late myself so allow sufficient time. Ihave a toddler and a baby and am ALWAYS punctual. So much so when our friends throw surprise parties for us they put on the invitation the guests mUST be on time.

It is rude to be late, if you need additional time to get ready with children and account for traffic then start getting ready earlier

YANBU

Carrotsandcelery · 20/03/2011 21:10

My SIL is constantly late - an hour and a half or 2 hours. She then acts like we are incredibly rude if we have sliced the birthday cake or ordered our food in the restaurant etc.
I have stopped inviting her to birthday parties, other than ones that just involve immediate family. She thinks I am rude if I do not greet her for a chat when she arrives, despite the fact I may be mid games with 10 little party guests by that time.
It was at its worst when we were meeting in a restaurant with our dcs. I would feed in the car just before the planned meeting time then sit in the restaurant with my family. She would arrive with her baby, all smiles and we all ordered, then I would have to leave to feed my baby again while she sat and enjoyed her meal with her baby sleeping peacefully beside her. It used to infuriate me.
My poor dbro is now a nervous wreck as we were raised to sit outside a venue for 10 mins, having arrived early, for fear of being late and now he is late for everything, all the time.
No one will share any sort of journeys with her. She lives very close by several children at her dds school but no one will share a school run with her as she makes them all late. It is the same for all after school activities.
What infuriates me most is that my dniece suffers for it most. She is not invited to parties, gatherings, playdates etc because they mess it up for everyone else.
Worse still, she is always immaculately turned out when everyone is thrown together for fear of being late. Grrrr!
Sorry Blush bit of a rant there! Blush Suspect I needed to vent that.
Please have a gentle word with the Mum as it will ruin her ds's life. Sad

LindyHemming · 20/03/2011 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewPathways · 20/03/2011 21:27

Everyone is occasionally a little bit late but it's the height of rudeness and arrogance to be constantly late.

Angry
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