im losing the plot but not with children

[notsobluebella]

hiya this might take a while ive just recently had my 3rd child 2 weeks ago i have a 4 n 2 year old also but this is not my problem. its my sister in law ive been with her younger brother for nearly 6 years and we are around the same age, shes had 2 mc before i met her brother and shes just found out shes pregnant again now this is the difficult part from the time she says she was pregnant ive been bombarded with fone calls or texts she went for an early scan and we were all lend to believe she lost again until a week later she phones sayin that the baby was knocking her for six, now up until then we didnt how to help her deal with yet another mc because nothing we sayd or done would of helped her so that was a few weeks ago now and ive been told of her when and where shes been sick what it looks like and how she cant move from her bed as the sickness is terrible and shes got backache her stomach hurts her head hurts and what shes craving is disgusting and now shes went and bought a heart monitor today so she can hear babys heart so she can keep an eye on it incase anything happens shes also planed the nursery got its name sorted got a deposit on a pram n cot and has bought clothes already and shes only 8 weeks or so i know i sound so miserable talking about it but she actually wears me out more than my children and if i dont phone or text her back straight away i get bombarded yet again with more calls asking why ive not called or replyed to any her texts now i dont want to look like the ranting lady here but ive got alot more on my mind than her pregnancy ano that sounds so bad and i feel terrible for saying it but ive got a 2 week old that i breastfeed and needs my attention and also a 2 n 4 year old so my days pretty full ive tryd saying in nice ways im busy n my partners even sayd to her i jst dont know what she wants from me i cant reassure as she worrys about mc again im a believer 'if its for you it wont go by you' but i cant go threw this for 9 months and she has a husband so why not talk to him about it

she got a heart monitor at what must of been 2 mabey 3 weeks if going by that shes 8-9 weeks, i sayd there might not be a heartbeat just now and she flipped at me for it then when midwife told her, it was ok.

i say mabey not to put deposits down on pram and cot so soon but she flipped at me so i dont know what to do, I don't want to give her advice, but feel bad for it.

at the start of the pregnancy she said she lost the baby after a scan. Then a few weeks later told everyone that shes been sick and when we asked how that was she told us that she thought she lost it just wasnt sure.Then asked my why the songagraph said there wasn't a baby, and when i couldn't give her the answer she wanted i got called all the names under the sun, because i should know, cause ive had 3 children already.

well shes told us shes still pregnant still, she just presumed she lost it after the early scan.

"when i couldn't give her the answer she wanted i got called all the names under the sun"

The subject of this sentence does not need support, she needs stronger bounderies. Her behavior isn't acceptable.

I'm not sure telling her not to buy a cot was the most tactful of things to do.

I didn't bother to read to the end. I don't think that makes me a cunt.

hiya this might take a while, ive just recently had my 3rd child 2 weeks ago i have a 4 n 2 year old also but this is not my problem.
its my sister in law, ive been with her younger brother for nearly 6 years. and we are around the same age, shes had 2 mc before i met her brother and shes just found out shes pregnant again. Now this is the difficult part from the time she says she was pregnant ive been bombarded with fone calls or texts, she went for an early scan and we were all lend to believe she lost again, until a week later she phones sayin that the baby was knocking her for six, now up until then we didnt how to help her deal with yet another mc, because nothing we sayd or done would of helped her so that was a few weeks ago.
Ive been told when and where shes been sick what it looks like, and how she cant move from her bed as the sickness is terrible, shes got backache her stomach hurts her head hurts and what shes craving is disgusting. And now shes went and bought a heart monitor today so she can hear babys heart so she can keep an eye on it incase anything happens. Shes also planned the nursery got its name sorted got a deposit on a pram n cot and has bought clothes already. And shes only 8 weeks or so i know i sound so miserable talking about it but she actually wears me out more than my children do, and if i dont phone or text her back straight away i get bombarded yet again with more calls asking why ive not called or replyed to any her texts.
Now i dont want to look like the ranting lady here but ive got alot more on my mind than her pregnancy ano that sounds so bad and i feel terrible for saying it but ive got a 2 week old that i breastfeed and needs my attention and also a 2 n 4 year old so my days pretty full, ive tryd saying in nice ways im busy n my partners even sayd to her.I just dont know what she wants from me i cant reassure as she worrys about mc again, im a believer 'if its for you it wont go by you' but i cant go threw this for 9 months and she has a husband so why not talk to him about it.

bronze i know wasn't the best thing ive done but i could only go threw on experince and putting deposit down on pram and cot at 8-9ish weeks isnt a good thing.

Bella, First of all congratulations on the new baby.

Secondly can I ask if you are new here? It's just that a lot of MNers will tear you to shreds for not using paragraphs and sentences or text speak, so maybe try and sort that out next time

Lastly after reading your post whilst I do sympathise with you because 3 children under 5 is difficult especially when one of them is a newborn but your SIL obviously needs help and sees you as an experienced mum so you are the first person she will call if she is worried etc, try and take it as a compliment that she thinks so highly of you.

Explain to her again that you are exhausted and remind her that she will understand in 7 months time, thus acknowledging her pregnancy.

I remember a friend of mine was like this when my DS was a year old, after several IVF attempts and miscarriages she finaly managed to concieve but was a nervous wreck, in the end I had to tell her that whilst I was happy to speak to her when I had the chance, as she would learn kids are not so easy to just work around all the time, that small comment made her stop the constant calls and texts and just sometimes or she would text asking me to phone her when I had the chance. It turns out she had so many people telling her 'to wait and see' or 'don't get too excited' that she had seen it as more of a medical issue than a pregnancy so she panicked a lot more IYSWIM.

You need to be firm and supportive, let her know you will be there for her when you can fit time in. A text or 3 is surely not that much effort when you are breastfeeding.

As for comments like 'im a believer 'if its for you it wont go by you'' or 'yet another miscarriage' they are in no way helpful or supportive, infact it is downright nasty and dismissive of what she has been through and the babies that she has lost.

I can see both sides. I've had one MC so I was paranoid during the following pregnancy, but if I'd had a second I think it would've finished me off.

It's hard to imagine how all consuming a baby can be until you've actually had one yourself so she probably doesn't realise how hard it is for you.

As others have said, it's better just to let her know you will be there when you can, but can't always respond immediately. It will really hurt her if your OH has a word with her to back off when she's feeling so fragile.

I think it's reasonable to set distinctive boundaries, but there's no reason to be downright dismissive and flippant.

It is acceptable to tell her that you are busy with your newborn (understandable and congrats!). Is it really so hard to be encouraging, supportive and to return a few texts?

i do reply to her texts almost all the time, sometimes i cant cos my fones not near, as for the buy stuff to soon i could only tell her threw my own experiences not to long ago, but were not close SIL shes never texted me until now shes never really spoke to me its always been threw my partner

Sorry I know it's daft but through not threw

Don't text back all the time, she will expect you to do it all the time. Wait until you have a minute or send a quick text saying you will give her a call when the kids are in bed as you are too busy to pay attention right now.

WRT buying things yes it is a bit early considering her past MC's but if it makes it seem more real for her then that's up to her, or did she ask your opinion?