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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fucked right off!??!?!!

17 replies

thegoodishlife · 19/03/2011 23:04

Because I am at the moment - so fucking annoyed!!!!

DP has gone out tonight to meet his friends, one of which has come back from the south for the weekend. We've not spent alot of time together recently due to me working longer hours at work and him seemingly preferring to spend time with his xbox Hmm

He said this afternoon that he wouldn't be out long, seeing as he was driving. So now am I being unreasonable to be annoyed when he rings to ask for a lift home as he's had too much to drink (despite driving), I've suggested calling a taxi to get himself home now and he's just rung back to say he's getting a taxi at 1am. 1 FUCKING AM. I asked if it was the earliest one he could get, and he said no but it was the time everyone else was leaving.

So his quick drink with the lads has turned into a night out on the piss. Now if he had said "I'm going out with the lads for a drink, will get a taxi home later" that would be fine - it's the whole I won't be home late and I'm driving that's pissed me off.

Okay on reading I do seem to be being a bit unreasonable. But am still fucked off. WTF!!!

OP posts:
Bearskinwoolies · 19/03/2011 23:13

YANBU.

He told you he wouldn't be long when he took the car this afternoon, and it's easy enough to get caught up with friends and start losing track of time, but it only takes a second or two to ring home and let you know what's happening.

I would rather know that it may be an all-nighter, rather than dh say one thing but do another.

ICanPluck · 19/03/2011 23:14

Is this a regular thing? If not, I think YABU a bit to be honest, I have gone out many times full of good intentions, planning on being in bed at midnight and have not rolled in until the birds were singing (a long time ago mind!)

It doesn't sound like an intentional piss up, so for that reason, I wouldn't stew on it too much. Get some sleep, and then tell him tomorrow that you expect him to wine and dine you ASAP.

Tryharder · 19/03/2011 23:16

But why are you annoyed? What difference does it make if he comes home now or at 1am? As long as you know he is a)safe and b)not shagging anyone, then let him enjoy himself with his friends.

He probably did only intend a quick drink as he took the car and now he'll have the hassle of collecting it tomorrow from wherever he's left it now. It's been a while since I went on the piss but IIRC the best nights were always those that started off as a "quick drink".

I appreciate you are pissed off at the XBox as I don't really get why grown men are playing with something that my 6 year old might enjoy but there you go...

MadameDefarge · 19/03/2011 23:18

Oh, get over it. He's run over. It happens.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2011 23:18

YABU to not give him a lift if you've not been drinking and don't mind.

But of course it's not about the taxi, or him going out, it's the fact he'd rather go out and hasn't noticed that you're feeling neglected and in need of some attention.

And there's nothing wrong in feeling like that.

It sounds a bit shit, but you need to reconnect with each other.

Him being on the Xbox when you want to spend time with him obviously hits a nerve.

Are you thinking you're drifting apart, and he's letting it happen?

NeverGoogleZombieJuice · 19/03/2011 23:19

He changed his mind, big deal!

He's enjoying himself.

IMO he's delaying the inevitable argument by staying out a little later.

MadamDeathstare · 19/03/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2011 23:22

(I've seen your MN name a couple of times NeverGoogle, please put me out of my misery and tell me what zombie juice is in a roundabout way Grin I can't take the possible full horrors of a graphic description)

MaisyMooCow · 19/03/2011 23:23

Agent hits the nail on the head.

upahill · 19/03/2011 23:31

Blimey I've done this.

I've had the best intentions in the world but once got chatting and got a few wines inside me I've let my hair down and gone mad - the 'I'll be home for tea and I'm only having two'promise has turned into a near all nighter happened once or twice!!The best nights are often the ones you didn't plan!

Luckily DH just rolls his eyes and makes me some nice fried egg and mushroom butties next morning!!

So on that account YABU.

However tell him how you feel without getting upset.

NeverGoogleZombieJuice · 19/03/2011 23:37

Agent, I came across this in Urban Dictionary, I can't even bring myself to repeat! Grin

I don't recommend finding out either, I could've got through my whole life without this image :)

thumbwitch · 19/03/2011 23:38

Hmm, I don't know. On the face of it, you're not really being unreasonable - it IS reasonable to expect that your DH would give you the honester picture before he went out and he hasn't, so I don't blame you for feeling pissed off about that.

But OTOH, yes it can happen that the outing is more fun than expected, or that he has one too many before he's realised. Depends on how long after you were expecting him home that he phoned you, IMO.

On another point though - what is really going on here? He's spending more time with his Xbox than you, he's gone out ostensibly for a couple of drinks and will be back early, and now he's decided to make a full night of it and won't be back until the wee sma' hours - are you having a few issues in your relationship atm?
In which case this will just be another straw on the camel's back - but don't let it be the last one, it's too small.

maighdlin · 19/03/2011 23:41

christ you're lucky if thats the worst thing your DP could do

CrystalQueen · 19/03/2011 23:48

YANBU. It's really annoying when someone says one thing and does another. In my dh's case it's more minor stuff but why can't they just be straight with you from the start? If you knew you were going to pick him up you could have planned your evening accordingly.

Bogeyface · 20/03/2011 07:39

DH has done this and it pisses me off too. Not the going out but the "I'll be back in a couple of hours" and 8 hours later he is still not back, yet I am being unreasonable for ringing and asking where he is and when he will be back.

If its going to be, or even might be an all nighter, then say so! And if it was completely out of the blue all nighter then have the decency to ring and let the OH know, not just carry on drinking and act surprised and annoyed when they ring you! Its about consideration surely?

If the OP had come on saying "AIBU because my quick drink turned into a bender and DH is being funny with me because I didnt let him know my new ETA?" then I can imagine most responses would be that yes, she was BU!

Bogeyface · 20/03/2011 07:39

maighdlin I think you are unlucky if that isnt the worse things your DP could do!

Heracles · 20/03/2011 07:43

As has been asked, what difference does it make? You're posting at gone eleven so, what, he'll be another two hours.

The horror!

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