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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stamp my feet about this?

32 replies

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 19/03/2011 21:25

I want a naming day for DS. DH and I are both atheists so a christening is out but I don't see why we should miss out on the tradition and ceremony of welcoming a child in to the world.

I agree it's a bit pointless but it's a harmless excuse to get everyone together for a bit of a party. I would ask for no gifts as we got married last year so our friends and family have already been landed with a wedding, baby's birth and Christmas recently. I just want to see everyone, have a nice day, some food and drink and some nice photos.

DH says there is no reason to do it and we should save our money but I don't want a big elaborate do, just a party in the garden.

Do you think DH is BU? I am not sure which of us is so I haven't pushed the issue (yet!)

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 19/03/2011 21:28

YANBU - maybe you could cost it and come up with a plan/budget to show it won't be too extravagant?

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2011 21:29

He's being unreasonable to you because you want a bigger fuss.

I personally wouldn't like to, but that's irrelevant as they're not my DC/DH (oh yes, very helpful Grin)

I don't think it's pointless, it's marking a new life and introducing them to a wider world (and an excuse for a knees up).

The party in the garden sounds like a good compromise to me.

Alambil · 19/03/2011 21:30

I don't understand naming days; the ones I've been to are in churches, with vicars doing the ceremony Hmm

anyway, price it up and then you have figures to talk about and compromise on

Alambil · 19/03/2011 21:31

oops Hmm was meant to be Confused

ENormaSnob · 19/03/2011 21:32

I think it's pointless tbh

How about arranging a normal BBQ or sommat if you fancy a get together?

Seabright · 19/03/2011 21:36

Only been to one, it was really cringy. So, I am tarring all with one brush, but I wouldn't rush to one again.

I don't want to listen to poetry written by real poets, let along written by a small child's parents Grin

justhalfwaythere · 19/03/2011 21:51

I went to naming ceremony for close friend. It was so naff and made you want to put fingers down your throat! Understood what the parents were trying to do but the sentimentality behind it really should have been just for them. Everyone had to sing nursery rhymes too which didn't go down well with the men.
Just have a party to celebrate the child without the formalities of 'naming'

BlueCat2010 · 19/03/2011 22:40

Well, I hope that none of you who think they were tacky or a waste of time were guests at the naming ceremonies we held for my DS1 & 2! Shock

Actually, thinking about it I don't give a stuff if that was your thoughts - it was our way of celebrating our sons and we wanted to officially welcome them to our family, as well as having sposored adults who made the promise to help us support our children and look out for them throughout their lives.

Red - if it helps we combined the naming ceremony with DS2 birthday party, so there was no additonal cost as the people who came would have come to the birthday party anyway. Smile

EcoLady · 19/03/2011 22:50

We had a Humanist naming ceremony for DD at a local hotel. It was a lovely event. Really nice celebrant met us twice beforehand to plan what we wanted.

Invitations were done with DD's handprints on plain cards & I printed the inserts myself.

We chose two 'Supporting Adults' who chose their own readings from a selection that we'd chosen with the Celebrant. DH did a reading & I read a poem that I'd written (and cried throughout!). Big cake with her full name iced on it.

Everyone said how nice it all was.

Never quite got around to arranging DS's and he's now 7, so I feel bad that he missed out.

vj32 · 19/03/2011 22:55

I'm thinking of doing something.. but more just a party to introduce baby to wider family/friends... no poetry or 'supporting adults'. All sounds like a Christening with out the Christianity - if you don't believe in it, whats the point.

I don't think its unreasonable to have party to welcome a new child to a family though.

cat64 · 19/03/2011 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PepsiPopcorn · 19/03/2011 23:34

Christenings are about welcoming a child to the church. The child already has a name by then.

ICanPluck · 19/03/2011 23:46

Exactly my thoughts Pepsi. Christenings aren't to welcome to the child into the 'world', they're to welcome to the child into Gods family, into the Christian religion and way of life.

A naming ceremony is just a bit pointless to me, because as mentioned, they already have a name by the time this party is held, so what do you do there?

It's better, imo, to just say "We fancy wetting the babies head, party at our place!" rather than making people sit through some sort of ceremony complete with soppy poems and speeches.

But if you both want to do it, then do it - your baby!

thumbwitch · 20/03/2011 00:01

Nothing wrong with having a big party to welcome the child into your family/ friends, but just cannot see the point of a "naming ceremony" for reasons already mentioned.

Your DH is being a bit U re not wanting a party if you do; but I think he is NBU re the naming ceremony part of it.

MorticiaAddams · 20/03/2011 04:11

YANBU to want to celebrate your child's life but from what I've read above a naming ceremony does sound too much like a christening to me.

We used the dc first birthdays as a celebration of their lives. Basically it was a big party with family and close friends but no ceremony. We had the cake and Gomez made a little speech saying how wonderful they were but that was as formal as it got.

onceamai · 20/03/2011 07:39

If you want a party have a party but don't have a "naming ceremony" instead of a christening, which by the way is an introduction to the church of a child not acceptance of its teaching. The decision to become a christian would be up to your child later in life upon confirmation.

CheerfulYank · 20/03/2011 07:47

Go for it, I think it'd be fun! Can I come? :o

I really need to have DS baptized (we're Christians)but keep putting it off.

YANBU, I don't think.

Heracles · 20/03/2011 07:52

Don't people just have parties for the sake of having a party any more?

If you don't want to make a big fuss over something, why do it at all? Go the whole hog and have him welcomed into each of the major religions; hedge your/his bets, he'll thank you for it in the end.

He won't really.

TheProvincialLady · 20/03/2011 08:13

Have a party but don't make it into a cringe-fest with people standing in a circle, being forced to say meaningful things about DS, sing nursery ryhmes (wtf?!) etc. I have been to one and it was very embarrassing to me. At least at a christening the only ones expected to perform are the ones who have agreed to it, eg parents and godparents. Everyone else can just watch.

BlueCat2010 · 20/03/2011 08:43

WTF re the 'in a circle and singing nursery ryhmes! I'm afraid that would have been your friend's choice - there is only the parents and sponsored adults promise that is compulsery, the rest you choose to do.

We had two poems, one read by myself and the other read by my DH, and the promises (including an additional one by my DS1) and that was pretty much it.

trixie123 · 20/03/2011 11:22

nothing wrong with it per se but if its going to cause a big problem why not just wait and have a big do on his first birthday?

mewantcookiesmenocanwait · 20/03/2011 12:47

We had to go to a 'Humanist naming ceremony' which was literally a christening with the God bits taken out - to the extent that there were even 'Goodparents' as opposed to Godparents and the 'celebrant' couldn't have been more vicar-ish if he'd tried (think beard, general sense of superiority, patronising tone). It was hilarious and cringe-making in equal measures and I really wouldn't recommend it. Seriously, have a lovely BBQ or garden party or something.

CheerfulYank · 20/03/2011 16:44
Original poster
redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 20/03/2011 19:02

I didn't realise they would be so cringy - I've never been to one! I couldn't cope with singing or poems [shudder]. At our wedding we had the shortest service possible with not even a reading. I would have a big 1st birthday party instead but DS was born in November and I think it might be a bit cold to be out in the garden then.

Heracles I am liking your idea! That would surely quadruple the opportunities for parties and presents?

I might work on just a party then. I wonder what to put on the invites?

OP posts:
bigbutton · 20/03/2011 19:02

YANBU (unless you actually stamp your feet Smile )

You've had a baby, what better thing to celebrate? I'm a humanist but I'm not quite convinced about formal naming ceremonies. You name your baby and, quite frankly, it's no-one else's business. A party to welcome the baby into your family and community is a lovely idea though. You don't have to go mad, just have a party in the garden as you said.

I think it's one of those things you're unlikely to regret doing but you might regret not doing, if you see what I mean.

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