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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not lend my car to this person?

36 replies

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 13:01

A relative of mine wants to borrow my car for several (as yet unspecified) days. She would want me to drive to her flat first thing in the morning, and leave the car there and walk to work from hers (closer than mine, but still a good 20-25 minute walk). I would then have to do the walk again in the evening to pick the car up and go home. She also wants it overnight in the Summer to take her DD on a trip somewhere in the holidays. She thinks I will just say yes because when I was learning to drive, she helped me out with private lessons.

The reasons I do not want to lend her the car are firstly the inconvienience of the time added onto my day. It's not only the additional 40-50 minutes of walking a day, it's that traffic is horrendous from her house to mine during rush hour and could add another half hour onto the drive. Insignificant to some perhaps, but not to me. Secondly, while she would be insured correctly on my car, I have found out that she drove without insurance or a valid licence for many years with her own car, and it makes me skittish about her driving mine if she was willing to be what I think is reckless. Maybe I'm being pedantic, but I wouldn't have taken lessons from her if I knew she was willing to do that (although she was insured on my car and used it at the time even when I wasn't having lessons). Thirdly, she has questionable personal hygiene at times and I don't want my car smelling horrible when I have to get back in it. She would probably smoke in there, as well as have her dog in the car (I'm a dog owner/lover, but he wees everywhere, and I don't want to smell that either!). I also suspect that she would not put petrol in the car, so this would end up costing me a lot.

So am I being unreasonable to say no to her using the car? I know she's going to be very annoyed with me if I say no, but all things considered, it's just going to be a massive headache for me. The overnight is a definite no btw. She doesn't work so can't afford her own car.

OP posts:
AllGoodNamesGone · 19/03/2011 13:53

Oh, and even with full insurance it is still a huge inconvienience if you have a prang, even if you eventually get your money back, and all of that would fall onto you if she did damage it in any way.

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 14:03

Damage to the car is something I hadn't really thought about. More reason not to do this (since she wouldn't be able to afford the excess and I doubt she'd volunteer any help anyway).

She will throw the guilt trip that she doesn't have money and can't afford a car or a rental, but you have all given me the balls to tell her no!

Thank you all. :)

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 19/03/2011 14:40

Yadnbu

she is being very cheeky IMO

KaraStarbuckThrace · 19/03/2011 14:45

Her lack of money is NOT your problem, TidyDancer. Don't let her guilt trip you!

Maybe you should look for that thread where someone kindly leant her car to her MIL - who then went on to do about £2000 of damage when she pranged it. And was only third party insured Shock

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 14:47

Oh yes, I remember that thread! What happened in the end? (can't remember enough about it to search for it)

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 14:48

Sorry, should point out that I'm a recent namechanger, I have been around for a while, hence remembering that thread!

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 14:53

TidyDancer, you must be mad! Obviously you are more than even now - lessons are about £20 an hour; car hire is about that per day (I looked up the cost for five days.) If she was only giving you one lesson a week, then she was five times better off.

I think this woman must either be crazy or think you are. Who the hell would agree to that?

KaraStarbuckThrace · 19/03/2011 15:00

Tidy - Last I heard the MIL said she would give the money but not sure if she did? OP and her DH had agreed to sever all contact until she paid up as what the MIL had done had left them in dire straits :(

rovercat · 19/03/2011 15:08

I live near Bristol and they have car clubs where you can hire a car for a day or just a few hours so maybe she could join one of those if there's one nearby and she only needs a car occasionally.

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 15:13

I think severing contact in that instance was probably for the best. Can't believe MIL tried to get away with that....she wanted DIL to pretend she was driving, didn't she? Angry

Thank you for the suggestion rover, will drop that in conversation with her when the inevitable guilt trip starts up. :)

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 19/03/2011 15:14

Just looked up the car clubs, rovercat, as I hadn't heard of them before. They're a brilliant idea, aren't they?

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