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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to this friends birthday celebrations

17 replies

Mammie81 · 19/03/2011 00:18

she wants to spend the whole day at the O2 doing various things, watch football, meal, cinema and then gig.

Ive got a 3mo. It take 1.5 hours to just get to the O2 or £20 to park. And yet people keep saying 'cant you come to just one part of the day?'

I think if it were me, I wouldnt expect a new mum to travel for 3 hours and more when you factor in a meal/film.

Its unrealistic isnt it? Or am I being PFB about leaving DS for that long? (Im mixed feeding too so would have to pump etc)

OP posts:

cece · 19/03/2011 00:22

I wouldn't go in your circumstances either.

nobiggy · 19/03/2011 00:22

I wouldn't.

HeadfirstForHalos · 19/03/2011 00:29

If I could afford it then I would, it's only one day. YANBU though if you wouldn't feel comfortable leaving your ds, but neither is your friend (bu). It's just one of those things

Original poster

Mammie81 · 19/03/2011 00:31

Glad people are in agreement. I was starting to think that 3 hours on public transport just to have an orange juice and a burger was a reasonable thing to do!

OP posts:

TheGreatStupendo · 19/03/2011 00:36

I wouldn't because it sounds rubbish, but I don't think it's a particularly unreasonable distance to travel in London. OH and I have both had 90 min daily commutes each way every day (not with a 3 mo, granted ), it's just what happens when you live in such a big shitty place.

Actually, I might travel 1.5 hours to go to the cinema, I really miss the cinema :(

TheGreatStupendo · 19/03/2011 00:37

Meh, forgot to say you don't have to go, it's an invitation not an obligation!

Original poster

Mammie81 · 19/03/2011 00:42

Really? You dont think its far? I work in Fitzrovia and it took me 40 mins to get in to work in the morning, 30 on a good day. For me to get to the O2, I have to make 3 changes on the tube and sit to the very end of the Jubilee line... its a really crap trip.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mammie81 · 19/03/2011 00:43

And we have a 16 screen multiplex 2 mins away (so why the journey to the O2 I dont know!)

If it were the IMAX I might be persuaded!

OP posts:

Soups · 19/03/2011 00:50

yanbu

Taking into account need to rest, logistics, feeding, money. Over what you'll give to the celebrations and get out of it.

Use the £20 to buy her a bottle of bubbly + a card saying how much you hope she has a great day, you'll be there for the next one.

renlovesyou · 19/03/2011 00:50

sod that, the O2 is shit to get to if you live in certain parts of london. Im in north lonodn and you have to go all the way in just to go back out again. The queues to get back on the tube after a gig are mental too.

yosammitysam · 19/03/2011 00:57

I wouldn't go, but would feel awful about it- which isn't very helpful I know! I went to a hen night when I was 10 weeks pg (hadnt told anyone) and spent over a hundred pounds on travel, virgin cocktails and contributions to various hen-activities. I came home early and miserable! I didn;t enjoy it and dont think I contributed much in terms of my company. It's hard to say no, but definitely worth it.

Just say your 3mo old is at a really tricky stage and it would be a nightmare (for both of you) to leave him/her. If your friend has got kids they should understand and if they havent then they should give you the benefit of the doubt! I wouldn't have left mine at that age in those circumstances. YANBU in any way at all!

CornishMade · 19/03/2011 00:58

There's no right or wrong / reasonable or unreasonable, it's what you feel comfy with. I wouldn't have wanted to leave my dc at 3m old. Plus factoring in the inconvenience, I'd say no. Other new mums might jump at the chance to be away for a few hours break - that's fine too, it's all subjective. You shouldn't feel pressurised into it; just send a nice card, message and pressie.

sims2fan · 19/03/2011 00:59

I wouldn't go and I don't have a baby - it just sounds like it would be very expensive! But yeah, if I had a 3mo I definitely wouldn't want to leave him or her for that. And if I were the friend I would understand why you can't make it.

CornishMade · 19/03/2011 00:59

So YANBU!

lesley33 · 19/03/2011 13:16

YANBU to not go because of your new baby or if you couldn't afford it.

You would be unreasonable not to go just because you don't think you would enjoy the activity - as long as it is a reasonably close friend.

I have went to overpriced meals in not very good restaurants for the sake of my friend. I think on your birthday you get to choose what activity you do.

I wouldn't do this for a not very good friend, but I think for a good friend I would just suck it up.

CrapBag · 19/03/2011 13:26

YANBU.

Sounds like far too much money to have to spend just because it is a friends birthday, plus all that travelling. Is it a 'big' birthday?

theresapotatoundermysink · 19/03/2011 13:26

Could your OH come down with you, take DC off for a few hours while you go for a meal and then the 3 of you go off to do something after. You could make it a nice day out. Obviously though I know that may be too much this early and know nothing about your circumstances which could make this impossible.

If you don't want to go, then you're fully within your rights to say no. But if you do I bet your friend would really appreciate the effort. When my DD was 7 weeks old I left her for two friends joint bday party a 40 minute journey away. Was a nightmare, had to rush home after being there for an hour because DD was screaming, by the time I was home she had settled and was asleep! But it was worth it.

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