Had a fall out with my Mum. Have I been horrid?

[olderyetwider]

Basically, I've dropped 2 dress sizes (16 to 12) Besides her fear that there's something wrong, she's decided that I look haggard (her word) and old, and told me as much. We are bringing up GCs, and working full time, and I am a bit tired. I am also not as well preserved as she was at my age, and when she needed it she had a facelift

She has kept asking me if I'm ok, and I am and have said so, just busy, physically active and tired (a bit) and have discovered a hernia so need minor surgery.

Trouble is, she keeps asking DH, at any opportunity, if I'm really ok. If I wasn't, and wanted her to know, I would have told her. If I wasn't, and didn't want her to know, it would be unfair to keep asking DH as I'd have asked him to keep it to himself.

I know she's just concerned, but I've told her to butt out, which she didn't take well, and now I feel bad! Have I been unreasonable?

Well a little bit Unreasonable, though easy to do. She has your best interests at heart, could she just be concerned about you?

Not unreasonable, she is jealous.

Not nice to be called haggard - mum's have a way with words don't they!!??

She loves you tho - just worried I think xx

I think she is just worried about you. I have an adult DD who loses weight when she is stressed and when her weight drops I do panic a bit.

I wonder if she thinks your protestations mean something is seriously wrong and she is panicking.

She perhaps could have worded it better, but it does look to me like she's just worried and wants to get to the bottom of it.

It is nice she's noticed you're perhaps struggling at the min, which your OP says you are a little.

Why is it you don't want to tell her?

It is of course up to you what you tell to her, and it seems as though you feel boxed in by her constantly asking.

Could you just not generalise?

Say you are feeling a bit under pressure, which will validate her thinking she can see something's not right with you, but keep your privacy at the same time.

Were you meaning to lose weight? It is a bit unusual to lose it without trying so I can see why she is worried, I'd be concerned if it was my daughter but I hope I could back off if she assured me she was fine.

If you've been dieting, that's different. A friend of mine lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago and had months of people telling her not to lose any more and was she sure she was OK, when she'd got down to about a size ten and looked fantastic! It settled down eventually when they got used to her being slim.

I've always assumed my mother would be thrilled to see me get down to a size 12 as I know she worries about my size (18 so not that huge!) but restrains herself from mentioning it as she knows it doesn't help and, if anything, has me raiding the cupboards! I have managed to lose about a stone very slowly and she hasn't said anything, although I know she's noticed!

She is just worried, but I want some privacy, and also it doesn't do wonders for self esteem when you're told you look old and haggard! I will make it up with her, but need a bit of space.

Without trying to AIBU by stealth, I just feel judged by everyone at the minute: DS (childrens' father) has views about every decision, ex DIL is difficult, and I deal with everything to do with the children (contact etc), my mother doesn't make a secret that she doesn't really like GD, and DH leaves everything domestic to me. I just want some space.

WIBU to fuck off early in the morning, leave them all to it, and just go riding by myself?

I would say she is just being a worried mum.

YANBU to fuck off for a bit of head space, especially if it's between that and your head exploding all over your kitchen (very messy).

You've got a lot on your plate at the min, I'm not surprised you're feeling like you do.