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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to cancel DD's birthday party?

21 replies

Fustercluck · 18/03/2011 22:28

I can't stop fretting about this and need a conclusion before I can go to sleep!

DD turned 2 this week. We had planned a party at home for tomorrow and invited 4 of her friends. This morning she was sick twice and kept lying down and being generally unwell. Bearing in mind that last time this happened she was sick every day for a week, and knowing her nursery has a 48-hour rule, I thought it would be a) sensible and b) the done thing to let everyone know that we would move the party to next weekend.

But. 3 people won't be able to make it, and I don't have any contact details for the 4th. As this little girl is in DD's group at nursery, I asked them (by phone, DD stayed at home today) to ask the parents to ring me (they have my number from invitation). But I haven't heard from them. So now I don't know if they will turn up tomorrow.

The other thing is that since I contacted people DD has been absolutely fine! But I've already told 3 people that she has been sick, so I can't reinstate the party, and also it might be too short notice, and they might worry I'm being irresponsible in case she is contagious.

So what do I do? Has anyone else ever had to cancel a birthday party? What do I do if the little girl turns up tomorrow with her parents? Should I assume she will and prepare accordingly? Should I try to find a new date for the party which suits everyone else? Should I just completely cancel the party as doing anything else would look desperate?

For future reference, did I do the right thing by letting people know, or is it ok to wait until the morning of the party and just not tell people DD has been sick? (I didn't think it would be very polite to do this.)

Birthday party etiquette is a minefield! Help please!!

OP posts:

mitochondria · 18/03/2011 22:32

I think you have to keep the party cancelled. None of the guests would thank you for catching the sick.

If little girl turns up, say "sorry, child ill, party in a couple of weeks, tried to contact you, couldn't"

I'd try to rearrange it. Doesn't matter if it's in a few weeks, they're only 2 and have no concept of time.

IsItMeOr · 18/03/2011 22:34

Oh dear. I feel the need to remind you that your DD is only 2. She won't remember this party and neither will any of her friends.

Of course you have done the responsible thing in cancelling the party tomorrow when your DD may have a nasty sickness bug. It's cancelled, so, if you do find that the other people still turn up you tell them that you tried to let them know but sorry, there's no party today because DD has a bug.

I would be inclined to do something special by yourselves with DD to give her a party and then simply forget about it. Don't see any point in rescheduling personally. Just one of those things.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 18/03/2011 22:36

Do you think so? I'd really like to rearrange as we weren't sure if we should do a party (tiny flat, no money), but have been looking forward to it since everyone we invited said yes.

I'm just dreading trying to find a date that suits everyone. How would I do that without looking desperate?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fustercluck · 18/03/2011 22:37

Ah, cross post Isitme..

I can see your point! That's the thing, I can't decide!

OP posts:

mitochondria · 18/03/2011 22:43

If you can find a date that suits, rearrange.
If you can't, don't.

Seems fairly simple, with only four guests.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 18/03/2011 22:48

I know, but I would feel really embarrassed going round all the parents (by text) asking if they could do this day, or that, or that other one...

I know this is a ridiculous level of angst over a 2-year-old's birthday party!

OP posts:

mitochondria · 18/03/2011 22:50

Dear xxx

Sorry we had to cancel the party, daughter was sick. I would like to try to rearrange. Please let me know if you could come on date X or date Y. If you can, great, if not we'll try again next year!

Original poster

Fustercluck · 18/03/2011 22:56

That sounds good, thanks! Should I send that even though I've already suggested next weekend and people declined?

Does anyone else have any opinions?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fustercluck · 19/03/2011 07:22

Bumpety bump...

I'm still worrying about this.

OP posts:

catseverywhere · 19/03/2011 07:30

I think if most people can't make next weekend, probably best to keep it cancelled and do something special with your daughter today if she's up to it.

She won't remember that her party got cancelled - might be different if she was older, but even then, it's one of those things and can't be helped.

Hope you mange to have a lovely day, and stop worrying!

catseverywhere · 19/03/2011 07:31

Mange = manage, it wouldn't be a lovely day with mange

silverfrog · 19/03/2011 07:31

I too wouldn't bother rearranging. Yur dd is 2. She couldn't care less.

If you want to foster the friendships, then maybe you could send something like:

Dear all,
Sorry the party was cancelled due to X being ill - we were really looking forward to it. Maybe now the weather is getting nicer we could all meet up at for a picnic and a runaround?

I think to insist on rescheduling a 2 year olds birthday for anyone other than family (eg doting grandparents) is to risk looking very pfb, and looking like you are insisting you darling princess must have a party.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 19/03/2011 07:50

Thank you. Looking pfb is something I'd like to avoid as I'm a lot like that anyway (as you can probably tell from thus thread!) Although we don't do the whole precious princess thing.

I know DD won't know about the party being cancelled, I doubt she really understood it was her birthday. But it's like you put it, I'd like to foster the friendships as they're all nice people and their children are lovely with DD. So I think we'll meet up with them individually.

OP posts:

IsItMeOr · 19/03/2011 09:11

Glad you got this resolved Fustercluck - I know what you mean about fostering the friendships - only thing that keeps me sane when I'm home with 2yo DS .

pigletmania · 19/03/2011 09:23

Its better to cancel, the other parents wont thank you for their child catching something. This happened to me, we turned up at a childs party when dd was about 2, the host said that the previous day her ds was sick with d/v but hes better now, I was too embarrassed to leave, a few days along dd caught the d/v bug and I was not best pleased with this person.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 19/03/2011 09:48

That's good to know. I wouldn't like it if someone didn't tell me about their child's tummy bug. I know to a certain extent it is unavoidable, but if you can prevent one bug, why wouldn't you. As I said above, I think it's more polite this way.

But it's slightly awkward not having managed to get in touch with one girl's parents. AND the fact that DD is happily bouncing around the flat now kind of makes me regret cancelling so early.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 19/03/2011 09:51

No Fuster you have to err on the side of caution, even if your dd is better now, she might still be carrying the bug and could pass it on. I know germs are inevitable but if you can prevent it than thats better. If the girl turns up just tell the parents that your dd has had d/v yesterday,though she is better you dont want their dd to catch it, so will delay the party.

risingstar · 19/03/2011 09:56

can i just say- HOW REFRESHING- that someone has actually put other kids health before their own desire to have a party.

Well done op for doing the right thing.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 19/03/2011 10:43

Thank you, that's really nice to hear!

It's not easy though, so I can understand in a way why people just carry on regardless. I'm trying to do everything right. But ... it's not faaaaaaaiiir... [wail]

OP posts:

silverfrog · 19/03/2011 11:27

No, it's not fair, and I totally understand that you were looking forward to it, and why

do meet up with the other children/their parents - you sound so nice, and having the motivation to organise somehting like this is really good!

ask them to the park over a weekend when you can all make it - the weather is really brightening up (it is here, anyway - gorgeous sunny day today!) - and get all the girls running around while you get to chat to their mums and get to know them, and build a strong friendship circle for all.

I bet your dd has many wonderful parties to come - she is lucky ot have a mum like you.

Original poster

Fustercluck · 19/03/2011 15:43

Thank you, that's really lovely!!

Well, as it turns out, the parents whose contact details I didnt have didn't contact me and didn't turn up! They were also the ones who didn't RSVP but said they were coming when I asked them in person so perhaps they're just a bit flakey. Has been stressful today though being on tenterhooks not knowing if they'd come here or not.

OP posts:

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