StrawPollPlease...better for separated parents to share residency 50/50 rather than spend all school week with one and w/e with other?

[ThinkImNot]

Dc going to secondary school. Got into a great school near me. ExP wants dc to go to school near him, and to have him all school week. Is now saying he won't do 50/50 but I have to have dc all school week, and he gets w/e. ExP has no PR, but has dc 4 days of school week at moment. (school near him)

ExP also knows that it will be a struggle for me workwise to have dc every night of the week. I will of course arrange it so I am not working, but that puts a financial strain on my business. But at least I won't be paying ExP child support anymore. And maybe he will get off his arse and actually get a job for the first time in years.

ok... i understand now. thanks.

maybe, EXP cant see the forest for the trees right now. From his POV, he loses out on the majority of time with DC, maintenance and probably feels a little jaded that even though he does the majority of care, you are the one who made the final choice on the order of schools. From his POV, right now it sucks. I would be pissed too. Yes, you can keep arrangements the same, but it does make it harder for EXP.

But, you did make the decision based on the needs of DC and that swings massively in your favour. he just cant see that probably right now cause he is seething/ sulking/ not feeling like an equal in bringing up DC.

Talk to him

Given how good you two seemed to have it settled with DC up to now, i reckon you will work it out.

I think week-on, week-off can work, particularly if the parents live close together. It benefits from a fair amount of cooperation between the parents. As he's not up for it then that's a shame.

I don't think that spending Mon-Fri with one parent and then every weekend with the other is realistic. The parent with the Mon-Fri turn won't get much if any quality time with the child. I've got a secondary-school child and after school time tends to be busy busy busy.

That all being said, I wonder how much your motivation for this is at least partly driven by the fact that making such changes will mean you won't have to pay child maintenance.

Is there any chance your ex could move closer to you so he could take DC to the school you've chosen?

I have 2 friends that have separated within the last year. The children are only 7 so not totally relevant to Op but anyway.

They both have a week on/off arrangement.

One Wednesday to Wednesdays and don't have much if any contact during that the none week.

The other, Friday to Friday but she still picks her DD up from school everyday and the dad picks the DD up from her house on his week.

Seems to work well for them, it means the dads still get to be very handson. which I think is important.

Snorbs, ExP didn't pay a penny of child support for seven years. I pay informally because I think it is the right thing to do, even though I am on mimimum wage and he is housed and supported financially by his wealthy parents.

I a offended by your idea I want my son to be with him because I don't want to pay child support.

He also refuses to move closer, even though he could buy a very nice house round here for the price ofhis one bedroom in a swamky part of town.

I also think snorbs, you are rather missing the point. HE wants me to have dc all week. In which case HE would have to pay ME child support. My solution frees us both from that.

I don't think YABU. It's a better school, I don't see why he can't help out. It seems that it would be in the best interest of your DC.