in hinting to fil he needs to sort his house out?

[doublechocchip]

My fil who is a lovely guy is trying to sell his house as part of a divorce settlement now that his children are over 18 and have all moved out so has to give mil a sizeable chunk and needs the rest to buy somewhere else.

It has been on the market for nearly 3 years and has not sold. He hates that house and desperately wants to move but will not change anything about it. It is very old and dated, cluttered, dingy and needs new bathroom and kitchen.

I have tried mentioning a few hints on what Ive seen to help sell your house but he just mumbles and walks off as I just dont think he's interested but he wants a much too high price for what he's offering. I have offered to go round and help but he's said no thanks or changes the subject and I dont want to push him.

Its so frustrating as he won't do anything to help it sell apart from paint a couple of walls and he does the big no-no when trying to sell- smokes in the house!

Oh thinks Im being unreasonable when I ask fil how its going as he thinks his dad feels down about it which Im sure he does but he's not helping himself! iabu in talking to him about it or should I just shut up?

If he says he hates the house and desperately wants to move out, his actions don't match his words. His actions say he's reluctant to move on, change and still has quite a lot of emotional attachment to the place. Your husband is right in that regard... he does feel down about it. And whilst it's easy from the outside to look at it dispassionately, he's on the inside trying to cope with a divorce, paying off his ex (never a good feeling) and kissing goodbye to what is his home - however horrid it might be. He probably thinks he should be able to manage it all solo... pride and all that.

Ultimately, you can lead a horse to water etc., etc. If your husband and all his siblings were to take the lead and take the problem off their dad's hands more, they might be a little more successful.

Wow - nearly 3 years. That must be very depressing.

Could you suggest a change of estate agent - a new estate agent would hopefully be fairly frank with him about changing the decor or price, whereas the existing one probably has given up and/or doesn't want to admit their original price was optimistic.

agree with Chil, i'd wager that actually he just doesn't want to do any of this. Every single one of his actions says "i don't want to sell this house"

so... just leave him to it! he's a grown up and it';s up to him surely?

the only other thing you could try is if your other half and any other siblings said to him "hey dad, this is geting silly, why don't you let us come in and help sort it out?"

but at the end of the day if he says no then you have to respect that

He has been with 2 different estate agents and they've both told him the same things, he needs to tidy up the garden (which he did) and get a new bathroom and kitchen which he hasnt. He said he doesnt want to spend money when he wnats to sell it which I agree is annoying but in his case its a bit of a must. I honestly cant ever see it selling the way it is unless he put it at a rock bottom price which he obviously doesnt want to do as it would leave him with not enough to get somewhere else after paying off mil.

Chil he's quite a sentimental kind of guy so that might be a factor but honeslty I do think he wants to sell. There is no love lost between him and mil and I think he wants to just give her what shes owed and not be tied to her anymore, he also wants to buy somewhere with his new partner.

It's easy for others to be hard-headed about it. To everyone else it's just a house sitting there round his neck that could be converted to cash with a bit of TLC and a bucket of brilliant white... problem solved. But it's so difficult when it's you in that house, feeling miserable, resenting your bad luck & trying to convince yourself it's the right thing to do.

Might be worth having another go at him. But really go in hard, kick in the pants style... 'do you want to take your head out of your arse and sell this bloody place or what?'...type of thing. :)