To refuse my friend a lift? She owes me money.

[Underachieving]

I could probably post this in relationships but I need a quick response and so have braced myself and put this on AIBU...

My friend does not have a car and I do. She has another much closer friend who lives in the sticks with a new baby who I don't know.

The cost of taxi's from here in town to out in the sticks and back later would be £18, my friend asked me if I would do these trips for £10 so she could visit her other friend. I agreed. I was poorly that day so my DP drove her, which is fine, she knows DP just as well. Anyhow she didn't even offer him the petrol money and never mentioned it to me again. It actually costs about £8.80 to make that trip in my car, and more than £10 in DP's, but to be fair it wasn't her fault DP took her, it was my last-minute sickness that caused that, so I still think £10 is fair.

Then the other day she wanted taking to the next town (our town is tiny and most facilities are elsewhere) so I did that. This time I asked for the petrol money, she said she didn't have it and could she see me for it later. I said yes. Again this was a tenner, agreed in advance. Actual cost to me this time £7.90.

Two days later she invited me out for lunch, and paid for me, but this cost her £4-£5, it is a cafe we use a lot and so I know the prices well. By this point I am at least £11.70 out of pocket whichever way you add it up and she technically owes me £20 because lunch was not meant to be a repayment, just lunch (It was just her turn, we sort of take turns getting lunch and don't really keep tabs on it, it's just a friendly thing).

Yesterday I took her to her friends in the sticks again, £10 promised and accepted up front. This time as she was getting out the car on the second trip I asked for petrol money and she said she only had £5 and gave me that. So now I'm £15.50 out of pocket and she technically owes me £25.

I understand she might not be able to afford it, but she doesn't drive out of choice. She says driving lessons scared her. We are both equally hard up (means tested benefits) and she offered these sums herself.

In January she had an early MC and had to go to the early pregnancy unit for emergency scans. I took her. The hospital is so far away that this cost me about £20-£25 but it was an emergency and that's what friends do so I refused any suggestion of petrol money for that. For an appointment then yes, I would have, but not a life/death emergency. It is since then that she has been avoiding giving me what she promises and I have been out of pocket.

I'm meant to be seeing her later. I am quite annoyed but don't want to rock the boat because she can be firey. That said, AIBU if I never give her a lift again (except life/death situ's of course because I would do that for anyone). And AIBU if I give her excuses as to why not?

tryingtoleave, can you imagine asking a friend who is struggling as much as you, to go out of her way to drive you, and pick you up, from places nowhere near she was going? And offering to pay her fuel, then just making excuses? Even though that was agreed?

Different if a friend offers to take you somewhere. This friend asked.

I have a friend who chooses not to run a car. From time to time I give her a lift somewhere. Sometimes she offers money towards petrol or pays for a meal. I don't keep a strict tally of this, as I think it probably evens out somewhere down the line.

The figures you've used in your post are very precise eg £8.80, £7.90 etc, so I think there is a bigger issue here than just the petrol money. If you've gone to the bother of calculating these figures in such detail, I wonder if there are other cracks in your friendship with this woman, which cause you to feel resentful.

Friends can take the piss and still be classed as friends. What really gets me about this situation is that, the way the op describes it, it very much started as a cheaper alternative to getting a cab. So the friend can't possibly just be a bit dim and not realise. Fares are discussed at the outset fgs.

I would just say you can't afford the petrol to keep running her round. If she paid up would you be happy to continue or would you like an end to it now?

I have to calculate the exact cost of driving for another reason. I end up using the cost-per-mile figure several times a day and so know it top of my head and I'm quite good at mental arithmatic (did competitions as a teenager).

My car does 42mpg on average average, which is 9.24 miles per litre. With a litre at 132p where I bought it last then each mile is costing 14.3p.

So all I've had to do to calculate for friend is multiply. Her mate in the sticks is 15.5 miles away, so 62 x 14.3p gives £8.87, but call it £8.80 for convenience.

I would actually just like it to end now GwendolineMaryLacey.

I think she's judging my driving as well, she pulls faces whenever I'm not in the dead middle of my lane (like on bends, where I need to be on the outside line). The thing is I'm an associate member of {{http://www.iam.org.uk/the_iam/ the IAM]], which basically means a trainee getting ready to sit the advanced driving test. Most of what she scowls about it what the IAM are training me to do and they are training me to do it for the sake of safety! But I think she thinks that if her boyfriend and Dad don't drive like that then I must be the one in the wrong. So when I agreed to give her a lift I thought ah good, it's more practice for my advanced, on a road I wouldn't normally use and I can't normally afford non-essential petrol.

Oh God, you're all so right. It's utterly resentment o'clock. I am so glad I didn't go out to meet her without venting here first.

Try again, that sentance should say:

The thing is I'm an associate member of the IAM, which basically means a trainee getting ready to sit the advanced driving test.

Your mate sounds a right tightwad. And, despite your friendly lunches, treats you to her 'fiery' nature on occasion. And sneers at your driving technique, the cheeky mare.

What's not to like?

Be prepared for her to dump you when you start insisting on money up front.

(And you'll be well rid, IMO)