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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or just being precious to expect a thank you

35 replies

tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 09:25

I picked a little girl up from dance class last night, she goes with my DD.

The mum was really busy and quite stressed, so i offered to pick her dd up and take her home. It was Dds first night there as well.

So, i took her DD home. Her DD 5, knocked on the door, then when noone answered just went in. I stood on the doorstep in the cold like an idiot and then it became clear noone was coming to the door. So i just loudly said ' Your DD is home.. see you tomorrow'
and nothing was shouted back.

I thought maybe i might get a text or something..but nothing. There were two adults in that house?

AIBU to be a bit pissed off... or confused. I dont really know what i should have done. or should do today when i see the mum at the gates later?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 17/03/2011 09:28

She should have said thank you, however you offered you was not asked.

4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 09:30

It was rude not to come to the door or acknowledge you in anyway but you say the parent is stressed so maybe just leave it this once.

If it happens again though I'd think twice about offering to help in future.

bupcakesandcunting · 17/03/2011 09:30

Doesn't matter whether you offered/she asked. You did her a favour. Basic manners stipulate that a "thanks" is required.

YANBU.

gooseberrybushes · 17/03/2011 09:33

Fabbychic is wrong. Just because you offered? That actually increases the level of generosity.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Of course she should have said thank you, and sent you a text last night.

Give her the benefit of the doubt until the next the next time you speak/talk to her. If she says Goodness I'm so sorry I should have.. thanks so much etc etc then fine. You'll know if she's just taken it for granted. In which case, don't help her out again.

I can't understand why you're confused. Are bad manners so prevalent that this is not bleeding obvious?

Hammy02 · 17/03/2011 09:35

How odd of them not to come to the door. And to then ignore you shouting 'Your DD is home...'. Sound like an odd couple to me.

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 09:36

im just confused. because i thought if someone knocked on your door and returned your child, that you would come to the door...

it felt really wrong for her DD to just go in...
and i just stood on the door step like i pleb. I even had to shut the front door myself.

??????

thats why im confused.

OP posts:
Ciske · 17/03/2011 09:37

To be honest... I don't think I would have left a 5 year old in an unlocked home without confirmation that adults were present and okay. What if the mother had passed out upstairs or was in some other predicament?

I would have waited a bit more and then look around the house to make sure there was an adult present to take the child over from me.

It all sounds quite worrying to me. In that situation, not knowing the parents very well, I would have risked being shouted at for tresspassing rather than leaving a child unattended.

squeakytoy · 17/03/2011 09:40

Its a bit rude, but perhaps the mum was busy, little girl goes in, says "did you say thankyou to mrs xxxx", little girl says "yes" and mother thinks, I will thank her myself too when I see her tomorrow.

Dropdeadfred · 17/03/2011 09:40

are you certain they were in?

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 09:40

this is why i didnt know what to do.
I waited for about 2 mins. her dd went it, i could hear them talking. so i waited expecting them to come to the door or something.

But they didnt.

So i shouted and waited, and again nothing.

So i just shut the door and left. I thought, oh, maybe she was on the phone or something and she will text'
but no text.

So i sort of feel really awkward. I dont know if i did the right thing or not and feel really uncomftable.

I dont know if shes annoyed as i didnt go in???

i dont know what i should have done. its all a bit odd and im confused.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 17/03/2011 09:41

I didn't say it wasn't rude, it is extremely rude.

I feel for the child not even being greeted at the door.

bupcakesandcunting · 17/03/2011 09:42

But then again OP you might be being a bit judgy. The parents could have been dead in the house or something. Did you check?

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 09:47

i could hear them talking.
unless you can talk when you are dead... im making the safe assumption they are alive ;)

I am trying not to be judgy. each to their own and all that.

But im just really confused as its not sort of normal behaviour is it??

Ive not come accross it before.

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 17/03/2011 09:58

OP, it is rude and is not normal, but unfortunately it is something I have come across before and it was my SIL!

We have had their DC over to stay at various times and usually drop them off as she is not a very good timekeeper nor does she have a very supportive husband. The DC just seem to go in the house with no adult coming to the door to say thanks or acknowledge that the child has been dropped off. As it is SIL and with her situation we put up with it, but it does make me sad/annoyed.

I hope that the mother does text you at some time. I would do the drop off one more time in case it was a one-off and then decline if there is not acknowledgement or thanks.

southmum · 17/03/2011 10:08

Maybe they didnt hear you

Maybe she doesnt have any credit on her phone to text

When you see her next ask if DD enjoyed the class (or something equally naff) and see what they says.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 17/03/2011 10:11

Perhaps she was in the loo?

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 10:11

hmm. we did knock on the door twice.

and then her DD went into the room they were in.
then i shouted into their hallway.

I dont see how they cant of not heard.
I mean, there is a door knocker..????

If she couldnt text, she could have facebooked.
or actually, just come and opened her door, like anyone else would.

its weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 10:12

Or the other person could have come, if she was in the loo.

OP posts:
FollowMe · 17/03/2011 10:14

I would have texted when I got home last night (or from the car) to say 'just checking all ok as couldnt see you anywhere when i dropped DD off - didnt want to just barge in, but just wanted to check you were actuallly in and all ok! :)'
I'd have been very uneasy just dropping off a 5 year old without knowing who if anyone was in the house to look after her tbh.

If she was very stressed etc though, there could ahve been a number of explanations - she could have been rowing with her DH and upset, or in the middle of bathing other kids etc... give her the benefit of the doubt this time!

BettyCash · 17/03/2011 10:17

I would wait til you see her next - there might be an explanation for this, don't jump to the conclusion you've been snubbed or used.

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 10:21

Shes a lone parent. With one older child ( almost 20 ) both her and the other child were in the house.

So, no arguing, or bathing other children.

I was and am, tbh really uneasy about it. It doesnt feel right at all. and i dont know what to do. If i say something... then i could just be drawing attention to it, and coming accros as judgy
and if i dont say something... she might be expecting me to..

bum. its shit being a grown up sometimes.
Our dds are friends. so its not like i can just avoid her either.

OP posts:
Makingaminime · 17/03/2011 10:25

Maybe she'll say thanks at the school gates when you see her later.

She could have been on the loo, or getting changed or stirring caramel or something similar in which case she will probably thank you later.

If she doesn't she's just a bit less polite than most folks, or a bit more forgetful.

titchy · 17/03/2011 10:27

Was it definately them you heard and not the tv or radio? I have to say I wouldn't leave a 5 year old without checking an adult was there.

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 17/03/2011 10:32

they were there. for sure.
Alive

:)

I just find it really odd. Strange reasons aside for not coming to the door, there was also someone else there who could have come to the door.

And surely, if you couldnt answer the door becuase you were on the loo, or stiring caramel (????) then you would shout back.. or text. or facebook.
or something.
to say thanks.

or do i just live on an alternative planet?

I didnt feel comftable leaving the 5 year old either. she just went it, took her coat off and disapeared into the dining room.
And i was just left on the door step with the door wide open. like a pleb.

not having a clue what to do.

OP posts:
Bluebell99 · 17/03/2011 10:35

I once took two of my son's friends out to legoland for the day, and when I dropped him home, he just jumped out of the car and let himself into the house. Neither his mum or step dad came to the door to thank us. The child didn't thank us either. Really rude imho. He was about eight or nine.

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